Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most

It's been a while since I wrote something like this. Psychology, self-help, vlog-style, that kind of thing. Spring is here in 2019, life is moving by fast. In California, there's only really spring and summer. The weather doesn't change much except in summer when it gets super hot. This makes for a continuous summer year round. This is why people like living here. However, it makes time move by uber fast. The last six years were a blur. So it goes.  

I've been focusing on playing a lot of guitar, shedding [jazz musician slang for improving my chops], working, and playing with my friend Jason, an excellent alto saxophonist. I've also been reading a lot of books. And by a lot, I mean a lot. Sometimes I can finish a book in two or three days if I marathon the book. Other times I take it slow. I've even been working out too, trying to shed some pounds. Somebody could come along and say, "Why are you wasting time reading books and playing music? If you go to college you could end up making more money in the future." 

That's always fair. The one thing that they don't realize is that everything you do could and will help you at some point. You just don't know when or how. This is why you have to believe. Believe in your own willpower, karma, God, yourself, whatever. When you stop believing in yourself you start to underestimate yourself. All those books and music have helped me to develop an interior life away from my family, friends, and work associates. I have my own world to seek refuge in. Video games do this as well but not nearly as well because video games are tainted by online experiences with people who may and will abuse the multiplayer experience [if said game is multiplayer]. 

Where does that leave me? Well, there are good days and there are bad days. Hopefully, there are more good days than bad days. I think every millennial is in crisis in a way right now, rich or not. The problem is that wages are stagnant, rent is increasing, and companies just don't need as many people as before. People just aren't needed as much these days. More and more things are becoming automated. It's cheaper for companies to have a small workforce with a high turnover. 

I've been in the retail trade for ten years now. I started working at Sentry's food store in Wisconsin back when I was eighteen and I've been working ever since in mostly grocery stores. There's not much of a future in the grocery business but it's still the best job I've ever had and I'm still making enough to get by most of the time. Where do I go from here?

For millennials in general I think there's a much bigger issue than my own personal one. The legislative and executive branches of government are at war with each other. There's no leadership, on either side. Nancy Pelosi and Biden represent the old school Democrat but the fresh younger Democrats say its time for a change that doesn't include them. The Republicans are complete idiots, perhaps even evil. They'll say anything as long as they stay in power. There's no winning really. And will there ever be? Starless and Bible Black, as that King Crimson record was called.

Not only that but a lot of millennials don't even seem to care. They prefer to drift off into a life of entertainment and leisure. Can you blame them? Their entire world is crashing and burning around them, and all they care to talk about is End Game and Game of Thrones. It's no wonder America is in decline. No future indeed as Johnny Rotten sang in the Sex Pistols. 

I could go back to college, rack up 40k of debt and get a better job and career in 4 years. But will that really make me happy? I'd rather keep playing the guitar, reading books, running, and see where life takes me. It's risky not going to college but I'm not really the college type. I'm a hipster jazz and rock guitarist. Guitar players don't need to go to college. Just ask Jimmy Page or Jimi Hendrix. 

Spring can really hang you up the most. It's such a beautiful seasonal change. But when things aren't going that great, and don't appear to be improving anytime soon, things get pretty bleak. Like a black metal record. Except I actually enjoy that. Times like these call for fortitude. You gotta believe in whatever it is that you believe in and push through, into the beyond, rather than into the void. Don't underestimate yourself. Everything you do has an aftereffect, aftershocks of karma, zen, and transcendence. 

I was feeling kind of blue before I wrote this but then I realized that writing really helps me to overcome my negative thoughts and emotions. This is why I'm such an active writer, writing nonstop for seven years now. I've been working on a memoir about my life which is currently 75 pages long. I look forward to continuing to work on it and finishing it sometime in the immediate future. If you think you had a bad day, a bad year, a bad decade, don't worry, you're not alone. We're all in this together, in this one universe. 

[title inspired by saxophonist Melissa Aldana https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsD0H9MCQ1U]