Monday, March 16, 2020

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse Virus pt.1

So things have been pretty crazy as of late. Yes, I know that sounds like a broken record at this point. But this is unprecedented. I've never seen anything like this my entire life. This is what it's like during wartime by the way for all you youngsters out there. I've decided I'm going to start a series about life during the virus. Really get into the nitty-gritty details. Some of it might be a bore but nonetheless, I think it's an important time to write down all our thoughts on digital paper [ :D ] while the crisis goes on. Who knows,  maybe it will be of use to us as a record. Life during the New Dark Ages. I coined that term first. You read it here first folks. 

Okay, so I've decided on calling the coronavirus the zombie apocalypse virus because for one thing it just sounds way cooler. Much sexier. Yes, I know that corona apocalypse has been trending on Twitter but let's face it folks, that name sucks. The zombie apocalypse virus is better. Because essentially that's sort of what it's like. Sure there are no real zombies walking around but the fact that there are people who have the virus who don't know they have the virus makes them a lot like zombies. And the fact that the elderly are at risk too. Zombies would love killing old people. Oh, the humanity! 

But seriously! Okay, so work has been pretty intense the last two weeks straight. Just in case you're new here, I work retail at a grocery store. Yeah, I know, hard to believe a guy who works retail spends all his time reading science fiction and philosophy. 

We've been swamped with so many freakin' customers nonstop. The first two weeks were absolutely nuts. No carts, no wipes by the door, no bags for the groceries to be put into, no water, no wipes, no sanitizer, no toilet paper, and that was just the first two weeks. We could barely get the customers out and sometimes the wait times were 20 mins or longer. 

The parking lot is a disaster zone. You can't even walk out into the parking lot without possibly getting run over. People are in mass pandemic panic mode right now. It's scary. Ce la vie, that's life. Keep in mind that they just closed another branch of our store down the street so we have all this increased traffic from that recently closed store. Adding to that is the fact that our store is also remodeling the store every night for the next two months. Bad timing! 

So two weeks of this go by. The workers are exhausted. Management doesn't have a clue what they're dealing with. Especially with the sickness and/or spread of it. Enter week three. The store runs out of most items. Most items. Almost all the shelves in the store are empty. Everyday. All-day. The only time we can restock the shelves is at night when the store is closed. The solution? We open later and close earlier. New emergency coronavirus store hours: 8am to 8pm, every day, indefinitely. This is every grocery chain out here by the way. Oh, boy!

Despite the fact that the store is closing early every night, management is still making a lot of the staff stay late during the evenings, some of us as late as 1am, which is my normal gig at that little store. We clean, grab all the carts in the parking lot, take out the garbage, and put all the gobacks back where they belong. It ain't much but it's honest work. There's a real art to the gobacks work now. With almost all the items gone, mia from the shelves, you have to match all the items with the UPC code stickers and find the items that way. It's a bitch. I don't even think upper management would have the patience for that kind of work. They would say it's beneath them. Or perhaps they would get frustrated instantly with how tedious it truly is? You decide. Either way, it's definitely one way of making us work hard for our paycheck.   

The one thing that is very scary about the retail gig and the zombie apocalypse virus going on at the same time is the fact that there's a reported case of the virus at a hospital nearby, and I'm in physical contact with all these customers, potentially an unlimited amount every day I work and continue to work, and potentially unlimited items every item that I touch every time I work. The reality of the matter is that nobody in my town except the one case has been tested so even if they show symptoms they can just ignore going to the doctor, keep living their lives, and nobody would be the wiser. What a sick twisted turn of fate.  At first, it was a comedy, now it is a tragedy.

Luckily I finally found some gloves that I can start wearing for my shift tomorrow. I've been washing my hands like crazy, drinking vitamin C supplements every day, and wearing a hat and sweater outdoors so I don't get sick. Even having a regular cold/flu at this time is horrible as it would look bad at the store when customers come in contact with me. Even my coworkers wouldn't like it.  The world goin' crazy.

Every day I look at the world from outside my window. I flip open my computer and read the latest news about the virus. I read slowly so I can understand every little detail. None of it is good. Nothing is getting better. It's only getting worse. The governor just announced that he's closing all bars and limiting numbers of peoples at restaurants and/or just closing them down. The elderly have been ordered to stay indoors as they are the most vulnerable. And possibly the most pigheaded and stubborn. Because I saw a lot of old people at work today. Very sickly old people. Not good. 

When we survive this it will be like a new age of enlightenment. People will all of a sudden become wiser, more humble, nicer, more serious. They won't go out for frappes as much. It will take losing a lot of happiness from social gatherings, a broken economy, and a quartine to bring the world to a better fate. I hope. 

This will be an ongoing series. Welcome to the New Dark Ages. If you catch the zombie apocalypse virus you will be quarantined for 14 days. Even if you don't get it your city might have to quarantine anyways. Don't touch your face. Wash your hands. What a way to live. In the end, the world doesn't end with us saving the girl in some war-torn country. Instead, we get super sick and pass it on to others. Oh, the irony!   

Welcome to the machine.

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