Holiday riffing and staying motivated

Yo, readers and friends! Here I'd like to riff about the holidays, and staying motivated during said holidays. 

Holidays at my job can be pretty stressful. In fact, I was elated to enjoy two days off from work this past Thanksgiving week. Normally I only get one day off a week, and that's cool with me, because more money is the best! That's the right attitude for a young guy, don't lose any of that money, get as much hours of work as you can, work hard, and earn your paycheck, like anybody else at their job. But sometimes its nice to relax. However, you don't want to be too relaxed because things have to be done-guitar playing, writing, reading, and possibly even gaming if I can squeeze it in. 

You have to stay motivated. Stay up as the 'woke' millennial kids say. For me this means getting guitar practice in almost every day (I try to only take one day off a week), posting ads to find jazz musicians to start a trio with (looking for a bassist and a horn to play straight ahead jazz), reading lots of things from novels to news, and writing blog posts like this one. Writing for the blog keeps me motivated. I get to write down all my ideas I've had in my head for a long time and unload all of it in type-press fashion via computer late at night. Its a great form of decompression, relieving stress and giving me new insight on any particular ideas. 

Staying motivated is difficult. Sometimes after a long 1 AM shift I don't feel like reading Don Quixote, Candide, or Aristotle on my Kindle (popular reads for me lately), instead I feel like falling asleep, only to miss out on what would've been great prime time reading time, in complete silence in the middle of the night where nobody will bother me or force me to go back to work (I read on every 30 minute work break to get more reading time in). 

What keeps me motivated? Music mostly. But also novels, great writing, journalism, poetry, classics, science fiction, video games, friendship, and probably last on the list-money. The holidays can be pretty brutal for most workers but I also think it helps put things in perspective. It took 28 years this holiday season before I realized that I don't need to buy luxury items I don't need, and that I should instead save my money, and only worry about getting gifts for others. The new Smash Ultimate game? I'll just play it at my friends' house. Dragon Ball Fighter Z? Been playing it at a friends' house. All those new holiday games? Forget about it. New guitar pedals or new music equipment? I should enjoy the stuff I already have more before I look into that, etc etc. (On second thought I do need a hollow-body jazz guitar)

It was my St. Francis of Assisi moment. At first I said to myself, "I don't need to buy anything for Black Friday or Cyber Monday". Then it turned into I don't need to buy anything for myself for Christmas. And now I've reached that zen state where I realize Christmas gifts for others is the only importance in addition to goodwill to fellow man.

Its a lot to think about but its also good to think about things like this. What motivates you makes you stronger. The moment you lose that motivation, and don't read, don't play guitar, don't write (in my case, yours will be different), then you're losing out on something that makes you happy. Of course there's always exceptions. Nobody wants to get stuck in a rut, reading until 4 or 5 in the morning every night--but its pretty damn fun. 

I've got to keep pushing myself. -Buckethead

The Difference Engine

The Difference Engine by William Gibson and Bruce Sterling is one of those all-time great 'hard' science fiction novels. Set in a steampunk alternative history where primitive computers were invented in the mid 1800s thanks to Charles Babbage's Analytical Engine, the story has the three things a good cyperpunk story has: steam airships, brass computers, and kinky feminine underwear (Gibson's words). 

The story follows Sybil Gerard, the daughter of a famous Luddite agitator Walter Gerard (Luddites being anti-technologists), Edward 'Leviathan' Mallory-paleontologist and explorer, and Laurence Oliphant, a historical figure, a travel writer who works under service of Her Majesty. What links all these characters together are these computer punch cards that are supposed to be powerful, important enough to die for. 

The characters believe the punch cards are part of a gambling 'modus', a device used in gambling where you can never lose, and have infinite money, a alchemist device.  "The last chapter reveals that the punched cards represent a program that proves two theorems which, in reality, would not be discovered until 1931 by Kurt Gödel. Ada Lovelace delivers a lecture on the subject in France." 

Mallory, his brothers, and Ebenezer Frazer (part of the Secret Police) defends the cards against Captain Swing, who leads a riot during the 'Stink', a major pollution event that happened in London, similar to the London Smog of December 1952. 

At the end Oliphant meets Sybil Gerard and tells her he knows who she is, the daughter of Walter Gerard, the famous Luddite agitator. He says he won't share her identity with anybody, but that he needs information to help take down Charles Egremont MP, her seducer, who poses as an obstacle in the way of Charles Babbage and Lord Brunnel's political careers. 

The end of the novel features all these different histories that occur in the world of Difference Engine. Lovelace delivers her lecture on Godel's Theorem, as its counterpart is known in our world. Fraser accompanies Sybil and meets Lovelace, with Sybil not ever able to forgive Lovelace's father Byron, for her role in her father's death.  

The end features a view of an alternate 1991 from the point of a computer, which turns out to be the narrator as it achieves self-awareness. 

Wow! What a novel. There's a lot to like about this novel. There's even realistic sex scenes, sort of like noir. The description of 'clackers', the book's version of hackers is pretty interesting, and similar to what hackers are like in real life, the 30-hour savants working around the clock with their calculations. 

But I think what was most exciting about this novel was the sheer brilliance of the writing-dialogue, plot, exposition, niche time period words of the 1850s, its got a lot going for it. The way that Gibson and Sterling made the narrator a computer, it gave them more options when it came to plot and exposition. I also believe that because this is the work of Gibson and Sterling, that it was destined to be great. This book was written at a high period of literary achievement for both writers. So its no surprise that the writing is very good. Both of them went on to become very different writers after the cyberpunk 90s. 

Although the novel was nearly 500 pages and took a long time to read (including a lot of 30 minute lunch breaks at work), I would say it was well worth it. This book compares to something like Dune, which I put at a really high literary and science fiction pinnacle. Its just that good.

The truth though is that the book took me a long time to get into. In fact, I had checked it out numerous times and barely ever got 50 pages in and at point I even listened to the audio book version on YouTube. Eventually I decided I was going to read the whole thing, turns out it was well worth the time and effort. But a book this great doesn't take too much effort, the words seemingly move across pages very easily. The time invested in reading this book is time well enjoyed. Such is the literary style of Gibson and Sterling. 

Well worth the read if you like alternative history, steampunk, or cyberpunk stories.  

Thankgiving Turkey Pardoning

The holidays are here! Which means hard work for us in retail. I looking forward to some holiday cheer and fun, both at work and at my leisure. I was thinking about possibly buying a Nintendo Switch for when Smash Ultimate comes out. Or perhaps a shiny new classical guitar? Or some crazy electric guitar pedals? I've been playing a lot of classical guitar lately, trying to learn Sequenza for Guitar by Berio. Its a super difficult piece but its doable. I'm hoping to be able to play it fluently in a couple months, maybe master it in 6 months to a year, in time to perform it in Chicago next year. 

This Christmas I feel like gifts should be nominal. I have a small family, in fact my list of friends is bigger. All I really want is maybe some interesting books and possibly some holiday days off from work. But even if all I can get is some books that's cool too. 

I've been using a lot of my blogging time writing about staying positive in tough times. Well these are tough times for Californians. Many people lost their homes to fires, they're living in air bnb's, hotels, their cars, and some in makeshift tents I presume. Its a really tough time. And to throw salt in the wound our President can't even get the name of a burned down city right ("I visited Pleasure, he sounded like a dirty old man), it was actually called Paradise. If you follow the news then you already know that our democracy is in shambles. But politics isn't what the holidays are about. 

Its about peace and love, and all that good stuff. A lot of customers at my retail job have been a lot nicer this holiday week because they realize that this is the hardest time to work for retail workers. Once you see and acknowledge that, it makes it a lot easier to focus on your job, work hard, be tired, but not be stressed out about it. Its like all these daily feel good blog posts I've been writing. In a way it makes you more zen-like. In the end the holidays can be about things and gifts. The Marxist in me sees those things as consumerist waste. But perhaps its actually more about the way you treat others, treating them the way you would like to be treated. I learned that in Catholic grammar school and its one of the best lessons I've ever learned. 

Good and Evil

 
Lately I've been inspired to write about living in a more positive mindset. How do you stay in that mode, that form of thinking? Here I'll explain. 

There's no point in positive thinking and having good 'energy' (I'm a hippy psychologist now) unless you can stick to it. I understand that sometimes people get tilted (even me), bad things happen, they get fired from work, their girl friend leaves them, they have illnesses, they're tired all the time from lack of sleep or partying, or possibly they just get in a funk randomly for no reason? No matter what happens its always difficult to stay positive. I didn't say it was going to be easy. If it was easy everybody in the world would be nice and there wouldn't be any mass shootings. But we don't live in an easy world. Nothing is free, not even your own positive thinking in your mind, it comes at a cost (time, willpower, energy), and you must work at it.

Moving forward, you could say that being a nice person is work. Being a positive person is work. And sometimes you'll stray off track, for whatever reason. The important thing is to be so self-aware that you're conscious of yourself when you stray from the path, a path I'll call the path of good and evil for the general day laborer. There are many decisions in life. Well, think of it this way. Every thought, action, and word you say can lead you in whatever ways you want, or none. Choosing to stay positive is a choice many people don't think about, or underestimate.

Why not make lemonades out of lemons? If you're in hell why not flaunt your angelic halo to the demons? If you're unhappy why don't you do something about it? Everything comes at a price, and money isn't even the most important part. People can be quite primitive and detached from a good reality, and miss the great things in life, from the smallest minuscule level to the biggest and most important things. I see this everyday in retail work in the customers as well as my co-workers. Sometimes they try to relay their primitive tendencies unto me, a sort of projection of bad content. To this I can refute them easily with simple statements. But to be a contrarian to anti-intellectuals or low educated persons isn't fun, even if its very easy to troll them. Instead its best to let these people believe what they want, even to their own detriment. Only you can save yourself from yourself and from others, people bent on their own whims and desires. Staying positive will deflect these bad actors out of your way, even if you have to work with them everyday.

Stay on the hidden path, the path that leads to thinking in a better framework, to see with lens unclouded by evil and hate. The world needs more people like this, to bring light to the darkness.

Divison of Labor

Hey, more feel good psychological and vlog-esque writing for you all. Here I'd like to go into how I started living a more positive life, and positive outlook, specifically using a 'division of labor'. How I divide my time during the day has impacted me in more ways that I would've otherwise expected. I don't follow a schedule or anything but in a sense all of my time is spent on specific things. 

Typical day before work by myself
I would wake up late but early enough to have about 4 or 5 hours before my work shift. I usually start by playing a few rounds of Overwatch, but I've also been known to play Chess lately. 

Then after that I read the news typically. It could be a short reading session or it could last over an hour, it really depends on my mood. Then I like to walk to the library and read out of a physical book for a while, just right before my work shift. Being at the library is better than being at home because at home the computer is a distraction from reading a physical book. That would be a great typical day by myself. 

Typical day before work with friends 
With my friends we always like to get something to eat. It could be cheap junkfood like TacoBell, I'm partial to the Taco Supreme 3 taco meal lately. Then we play video games, mostly Marvel vs Capcom 2 right now, an old 2D fighting game from the 90s, Sega Dreamcast days. Then we jam on instruments. We have ukulele, bass, and acoustic guitar. The other guys aren't quite there musically but I still enjoy teaching them things, they can improve. 

Typical day off
This isn't too much different from anything else really. I usually start on the computer gaming until I get tired of it, then read the news, and perhaps I'll hang out with friends before they go to work, or after they finish a shift. Sometimes I go to the bar with friends. I try to go to the open mic music nights at the local bar.

Typical night hours after 1 am shifts 
My time after a 1 am retail shift is very valuable to me. This is where I get a lot of reading done, again news, and whatever I want to read on my Kindle, which right now has been Adam Smith's The Wealth of Nations, hence the 'Division of Labor' blog post title. In a sense doing all of these things every day is a job, although I'm having fun. 

Not only do I write blog posts (and should be writing more short stories soon) at night but its also my prime slot for guitar, only acoustic guitar this late. Right now I'm learning how to play Berio's Sequenza for guitar. Because I have limited time to practice its important for me to play everyday, even if its only 25-45 minutes a day. 

But why?    
A division of time into the things I do and a sort of outline of my plans is good for me. Its like an improvised schedule, it can change at any time but at the same time its sort of like my bread and butter. Doing this division of labor has given me a more positive outlook because I have broken down all my goals and have been actively going for it. The goals are very simple-relax, read, music, work, repeat.  Losing weight is also big on my list.

Imagine a guitar player who only practiced once a week. And then picture a guitarist who plays everyday 15 minutes. The once a week guy plays 4 hours once a week. The guy who plays everyday 15 minutes would still be the better guitar player overall even after six months of playing. I've put that kind of approach to my everyday life. Do the things you love and relax, everyday.

Unleashing Your Inner Zen

This is part of an ongoing series that I've been writing, which has been more part personal vlog-style and part inspirational thinking. Here I'd like to discuss how I've changed my mindset, and become a more jovial person, at least for now. 

The beginning starts with my attitude coming back from vacation and going back to my retail job, where I sometimes work over 40 hour weeks. My friends that work there are always stick-in-the-muds about working there, meaning that even though they have cushy top positions there (and low like myself), they still feel like the job is letting them down, and that perhaps they would be happy doing something else, etc. 

For a while I got trapped in that line of thinking. These people aren't happy so I should be unhappy too, right? Wrong. It all starts with my boss asking me to come in early on my late night shifts. At first I was saying no and using my time to just relax-game, read, guitar, my usual activities. But then I started saying yes, all the time. 

Wait a minute. You're probably thinking you'd rather relax and have fun than go in early to work retail. Or maybe you think you'd rather have free time over money? Once I started saying yes I realized that I actually didn't mind going in early, and that I'm getting paid more money, so that's a plus. The other upside is that management likes me and (hopefully) has my back in times of trouble. 

Now to the jovial part. Work can be stressful but once you 'get over it', you realize that your life is actually quite amazing, and good things even happen to you, even at work. I got over my job, which means that I'm willing to help out in any way I can, even if I don't need the extra cash. I'm happy to help, and be a team player. Its no skin off my back and I don't attach any negative energy to my occupation. Its a blissful realization, inner zen unleashed.  

I had about a month lead up into this from my vacation in October. I don't think I would've realized it if I didn't start dividing my time into organized sections-music, guitar, reading, hanging out with friends. I've been using my time more wisely. It even affects my eating habits. I realized in order to lose weight I have to stop eating late at night, so once I started doing that, I started losing weight again. 

The mindset problem is very difficult to overcome. Most people don't. A lot of people are whiners and complainers their whole lives even though they have everything handed to them on a silver plate. I'm a lucky guy, I have musical talent, a job, and intellectual curiosity that leads me to a lot of interesting books. Most guys would be lucky if they just had a job. So maybe your crappy attitude makes you think things suck when actually you just have to change your outlook to realize how great life really is. 

Perhaps I should become a zen monk?

Focus Pocus Part II: A Philosophical view

Howdy yall, what's up? I thought I'd write a bit more about what I discussed in the previous post, which can be viewed here. I explained how I was in a funk after vacation and how I couldn't get anything done, mainly my reading and guitar playing, in a lull. 

Well its been almost a month since I've been back, things have been going good for me. Work has been pretty insane, retail, over 40 hours a week. I'm working from today (Thursday) until next week (Friday) with no days off in between. The crazy thing is that although the thought of that is a little depressing, I'm actually getting a lot done in the sense that I've divided up all my time for rest and only the essentials. What's that pray-tell? 

The essentials for me is reading, writing, and music. Once I realized that I have no time to play video games probably ever! it was a pretty hard thing to observe, and then to get over. I used to love video games but now there's simply no time for it if I'm going to become a better writer, keep reading great science fiction (The Difference Engine) and philosophy (Adam Smith), and learn more classical and jazz guitar pieces (so much practice). Its a full time job all on its own, forget about the retail job, this is my job! 

There's a philosophy to this. Breaking everything down in your life to just the bare essentials. What do you want to accomplish in one day? What do you want to accomplish in a lifetime? Practice it one day at a time until you achieve complete and total mastery. 

My job gets in the way but if I take away the video gaming and stop spending so much time procrastinating on Facebook or playing video games, I can actually get a lot done in a day. Because I stay up very late (sometimes till 4 or 5, reading on my Kindle, which I got from a co-worker for free, retail is great sometimes) I can get a lot of reading done late at night after my late night shift. Everything's turning up Millhouse.

Happiness is a very tangible thing. Happiness is practicing guitar every day, reading, and writing. Find your passion and stick to it. Work is a necessary by-product of monetary situation, but it doesn't dictate who I am or who I will be. The future is ours to decide! 

Focus Pocus

Ahoy shipmates, and welcome aboard. I haven't written anything new lately mostly because I haven't read any new novels or anything, in fact I've been in a funk, unable to focus, until tonight. I've got my mojo back, and even the inspiration to work harder on classical guitar, which I just started working on recently, as in the end of the summer. 

I thought I'd write a bit about it (the funk) for fun. I was really distracted after the Chicago trip, maybe even a little depressed. For a while I was gaming nonstop in between 1AM retail job shifts. It was bad, I had to ease up on the gaming to get a gripe on reality, get back to my reading, and focus more on my guitar playing. 

I was a little down because the drummer I've worked with for the past year or so, we both decided to go our separate ways and no longer jam together. It was kind of sad but it was probably for the best because we're at different skill levels musically. I hope everything works out for him and his new death metal band. 

Anyways, its super easy to get distracted. For a while I couldn't even read the news because I would be thinking about something else. It was like I had ADD or something. Where's the adderal when you need it (lol)? The news and politics didn't help either. The 15 pipe bombs, the synagogue shooting, the Borderline bar massacre, and the Fires going on right in California all made me pretty sad. Even things like that affect my mood sometimes. 

I don't know if there's a trick to staying focus or disciplined. I certainly haven't figured it out. I think for myself I need somebody to push me, not just myself. Its like when I lost a lot of weight. I only lost it because I disciplined myself super hard and didn't eat anything late at night.

On musical terms though now that I'm just doing solo guitar stuff I realized I have to practice more and harder, especially if I'm going to play solo guitar pieces. 

I'm still looking for musicians to play with online but so far haven't found anybody. I'm looking to find horn players, maybe we could get a trio going without drums, play small events, parties, etc. Play straight ahead jazz..or maybe find some freak out free jazz avant garde types, although I highly doubt I would find musicians like that here in the Valley.

With Martin, my former drummer out of the picture I'm not playing death metal anymore, I'm focusing more on serious music-jazz, blues, and classical. The real stuff. 

I'll keep the blog updated as much as I can. I should've finished another novel by now but California has so many distractions-the Bio-Mass beckons. I also want to write more short stories as well. Gotta keep perfecting my art if its ever going to take off. 

I'll be in touch. 

Post Chicago Blues

I came back from Chicago a few days ago. I was only gone five days but it was the best five days I've had in a year, since I was there in 2017. Coming back home, being here a couple days, I'm really feeling that post Chicago blues. Let me explain. 

1) Food
The food in Chicago is way better than the food out here in LA, or in my case, the Valley. Chicago seems to have less chains, the food is cheaper, and the food just tastes way better. I'm actually pretty depressed about this because I've realized all the places I eat at here with my friends are either fast food, or way overpriced decent food. Its a lose-lose! 

2) Music venues
LA has its share of great music venues, that's true. However, they are all overpriced in comparison to the gigs I went to in Chicago. The jazz gig cost me $12. The blues gig only $7. Not only would a bar in LA charge that much (probably more actually) but they would also have a one or two drink minimum. At both clubs/bars I went to in Chicago none of them had drink minimums. Music events are better over there. Not only that but I think for the kind of music that I like and play, Chicago would be a much better city. Jazz, classical, modern classical, etc.

3) Weather 
The weather in Chicago is cold, that's for sure. However, sometimes the cold is good. The always summer weather of LA gets tiring, and you lose a certain movement of the Earth here in the Valley. Like every year is the same, every day is the same, every hour is the same, its a sort of labored continuity, driven by the fact that everyday is completely identical. This almost made me lose my grounding when I first moved here, when I didn't write or play music, instead I became absorbed into the 'bio-mass' of California culture-video games, technology, movies, rock and roll, night life, and a retail job.

4) People 
People in LA are fake. Like really, really, really fake. Not only that but they can be real stuck-up assholes, guys and gals, I've met them personally on musically levels or when I help out customers at work. The thing about Chicago is that its hard to be fake and a cunt. Everyone can spot you out a mile away and call you out on your bullshit. In LA everyone preens themselves as an artist, musician, businessman, manger, etc but when it comes to their actual jobs its often not what we expect (usually lame, boring, or they don't get enough respect, etc), or they turn out to have a shitty personality. Not saying everyone in LA is like this but a lot of them are. Hell, even my brother's academic roommates were nicer, more intelligent, and interesting than most of the college students I've come to meet in LA. There's something about the Midwest, the people are a lot more wholesome, and they'll take time out of their day to help you or speak with you. Midwestern hospitality! 

5) Cost of living
The cost of living in Chicago is much cheaper than LA. You can rent a room for as low as $500. Sure it won't be a palace and you might have to share with roommates but it beats the $1500 one room apartment price here in the Valley. At one point I was thinking about moving out of my dad's place but it ended up not working out because it was still too expensive between three people. I think my cost would've been something like $800, which is too much. 

6) Scenic Historical City
We spent two or three days downtown Chicago just checking places out. You can spend a lot of time just walking down the streets and enjoying the scenic historical city. Its one of the most well known cities in the world, and for good reason.

7) Trains and buses 
The trains and buses in Chicago are great. Sure, the buses might be extremely full at times, and the trains too in the morning commute, but they are reliable, so reliable in fact that you don't even need a car. This is perfect for me because I don't drive and don't own a car. The trains are fast, even the buses are fast. Its great. 

Jotting all this down is a little depressing because I see all that I'm missing now that I'm back in the Valley. However, the good news is that I'm planning on moving to Chicago in about a year or so, when I can go back to visit, and find a place. In the meantime I'm going to continue with creative pursuits and working, as well as further my education in the classics and philosophy. In the end it will be very sad because I'll be leaving behind my vast network that I've created here since 2013. I have a lot of very good friends and although my job is a lowly retail job, it has also helped me to make friends, musical associates, and afford to buy things. It will be sad when I leave but I will also be glad in a way, to start a new life in the windy city.