How To Really Listen

Brainstorming some ideas on what subject to write upon tonight brought me to this simple idea: How do you really listen? How do you listen to music? How do you listen to people?

The idea came to me when I was listening to some Vivaldi just now. By the way, I love baroque music, especially Vivaldi, and the Four Seasons piece. Those fast violins burn and shred hard.

First, I'll share my thoughts about how to listen to music and then how to listen to people after.

I can hear the grass grow.

So first of all, these are simply my ideas on what's best. What might be right for me might not be your cup of tea. That being said, the best way to listen to music is by listening to music with a good pair of headphones or speakers. Headphones are the best. Then, make sure you have EQ bars that have predefined presets so you can always put the music's tone on a good sound easily without messing around too much.

The next step is critical. When you listen to music, only listen to the music. Don't scroll through Facebook, don't read the news, don't read random articles, don't talk. The only way you can truly respect and enjoy the music is by giving it your full, undivided attention. So when I started writing this blog I turned off the music and put down my headphones. Why? Because you have to give the task at hand your full, undivided attention, for that is the only way you can truly enjoy it and give it the credit it deserves. Think of all the people who mindlessly do one thing while doing another. They can't really get the benefit of doing the one thing because they're doing another, they're doing themselves a disservice. 

In addition, it should be added that you must listen not only to the lyrics of the singer [most of you listen to bands with singers] but you must also learn to isolate the sounds of the bass, guitar, drums, and keyboards. Likewise, if you're a big classical connoisseur like myself, you must learn to recognize the chords/melodies, the chords/melodies of the brass, the chords/melodies of the strings, etc. Once you can recognize the melodies and chords coming from all the different instruments, then you can truly enjoy it. If you just sit there and mindlessly listen without putting all of this into consideration, it's sort of empty and soulless. Sure, you might be able to pick out a simple melody here or there, but only if the song hits you over the head with it. You have to learn to isolate chords and melodies, no matter how cluttered the sound is. That's where things get difficult, especially when you're a musician trying to learn a new song on the guitar, or a classical musician trying to learn to play in a huge orchestra. By the time you can figure out how to do all this, your ear will become trained; you'll be able to recognize intervals, chords, melodies, rhythms, scales, modes, all of it, and your appreciation for music will go through the roof. If you can't do this stuff mentioned here then your ear will always be mediocre and although you'll enjoy a good beat or riff here or there, you'll never get to that full music appreciation. It's like a guitar player who only plays power chords. If you've never played a jazz or a classical chord then you haven't done your homework. Essentially, you'll always be a rookie.

You say yes, I say no.

So you've done all the above and you can fully appreciate AND enjoy music. Congrats! That's all super hard work and it takes a lifetime to really enjoy and master, musician or not. Always remember that the people who listen to music as background noise can't appreciate and enjoy the music the same way you do, they will always lack that special something, the secret sauce so to speak; you're a seasoned connoisseur now.

Now you apply your listening skills from music to listening to people, listening to words. Reading helps a lot with this but that's for another blog. The white noise that can bleed into your auditory senses will always be there whether its background music inside your work, cars driving by, other people talking, even the wind blowing will be noticeable to your ears, even thoughts in your own head can clutter sound. You have to isolate the sound the same way you isolate the sound when you listen to music. Some people are low note baritone talkers, others are midrange brass, others are more of high violin notes. Identifying, clarifying, and isolating their voices will be key.

One of the interesting things that will occur once you're at this stage is that you will begin to hear a lot more; more of everything. A lot of people talk to themselves, say something meant just for themselves, and you'll even pick up these things too. It's not really that important but it's a behavioral tick that a lot of people have. Other times people will blatantly say something really quiet but is meant for you to hear. For example, perhaps a cute girl wants to give you a compliment but is a little shy? Or how about a passive-aggressive comment from someone you pissed off somehow. There's always something. Hell, you'll even realize that sometimes people whisper random stuff. Weird, I know. But you'll pick it up along the way.  

The most important thing is that you're there listening. It isn't really that important what you say. If you're around people that genuinely like you, it never matters what you say, only that you listen. You can choose to listen in a passive way, almost like your not even there, or you can be more outgoing and create exchanges of sentences with people, either method works. The most important thing is to try not to interrupt someone when they're talking. If you miss some things, hey, nobody is perfect. Listening to people is very similar to listening to music; it's all ear training, recognition, call, and response. Essentially all it is is language games, even music is just that to some extent. Next thing you know you'll be able to transcribe your nervous exchange with the hottest girl you've seen all week. Or that frantic police squad car/helicopter chase down the freeway going 100 miles per hour.

I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.

The Art of the Perfect Day

Lately, I've been writing a lot of long-winded rants about the ways of the world, making it out to seem a lot more wicked than it might potentially be. While the world is still trying to kill all of us with the threat of COVID looming over us like the sword of Damocles, embodying the very nature of pure fear and danger. It's been rough. But I think I've finally hit that sweet spot where I'm not going to bitch about how bad COVID is, and cry about how I can't hang out at Starbucks or hang out with girls at the bar. 

Consider the alternative. Positive energy, good vibes, hippie energy, essentially. This is where the Beatles come in for me. With the godlike good vibes of the Beatles, there are no limits to what you can, imagine. 

Consider how difficult it would be for you to have a perfect day. Well, I had a perfect day today. Nothing got to me and it was just lovely. I want to live every day in a positive way like this. It's like a superpower. But it isn't easy. Nothing you can do if you want to sing the blues but you know it don't easy. Every day is a constant uphill battle. But you can't let the fuckers get you down. 

Here are some tips and tricks that help me practice The Art of the Perfect Day.    

1) Read books, not articles. 

A lot of people wake up in the morning and they read the news and then follow it up with either more news articles or other articles about various subjects they're interested in. While I think reading the news is essential, I don't think you should solely only read the news, nor solely read articles. If you do, you're reading potential is sorely wasted. In fact, I would say that reading the news isn't even reading, it's just politics and keeping up to date. The sheer intellectual stimulation you get from reading a great book or even a mediocre book that interests you is so powerful that there's almost no other source like it aside from maybe something like LSD. Again, no limits to what you can, imagine. 

2) Talk to people, really talk and understand.

When you talk to people, are you really listening? Are you giving them your full attention and respect? One of the things in life that is hard to get in this day and age is a good, sentimental education. With this, you will learn to treat people with dignity and respect. You will learn to treat the janitor with the same respect as the CEO. People that don't understand this don't make it far in life; their wives leave them and take the kids, they lose their top pay CEO positions, they even fail their careers and end up unemployed or worse. You don't learn this from college and sometimes even parents don't understand or know how to teach this. It comes with wisdom, age, and experience. 

3) Relax, don't try to control everything.

Take a chill pill and mellow out sometimes. Remember that you can't control everything, especially people, their actions, and their thoughts. I've worked with a lot of managers who stress out to the point of exhaustion. This is very common. This is a big no-no in life and it holds them back, as well as making them stand out like a sore thumb. While you can't be a complete hippie freak and let your freak flag fly high all the time, you should at least know how to play it cool, so cool that nobody sees you freaking out under pressure, no matter how much pressure it is. Take your time. Do things at a reasonable pace. Don't make mistakes. But if you do, don't freak out about it, just fix it, but again, be reasonable about it. If it's a serious mistake, admit to your faults, and move on. 

4) Get a little help from your friends.

Use all your friends and family to your advantage. They're there to be there for you. Feel free to lean on them in times of trouble. Likewise, always help them whenever they need you. With a little help from your friends, you can really get by.   

5) Realize that things are getting better all the time. Sometimes you have to learn to see the sunny side of the street. People really hate being around negative people all the time. It's a fact that they are the worst. Likewise, people who are always overly positive can be annoying. But consider the fact that the overly positive person is much more likable than the negative person. The positive person has a better personality and probably has an easier time getting through their day, and consequently, through much practice in good mindsets, even has a better life.

One day doesn't change all the other days. But's it good practice. Life's a bitch, and then you die. Better make the best of it and enjoy it to the fullest. 

"The teachers that taught me weren't cool, holding me down, turning me round, filling me up with your rules. I've got to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time." 

How the Beatles Saved Me During Coronavirus

Hello, ladies and gents. How's it going? Well, the answer to that question is probably all over the place. To be completely honest, the world has pretty much gone to shit, 'in it? That's my British slang for you. There's actually a perverse goodness and grace that has come out of all this disorder and chaos. Consider the fact that if it were not for all of the terrible things that have happened, Trump just may have gotten re-elected, and easily too. Of course, we will see in November. 

But I'm actually hear to discuss music. The Beatles saved me during coronavirus. No other band or musical style have resonated with me this much during the crisis. It's pretty easy to see why I like them so much and why they've made such a big impact on me during this particular time in my life. 

For starters, they're one of the best classic rock groups of all time. Of course, they're more pop than rock, but they had their more rock and roll moments, especially early in their career, like the Revolver album or A Hard Day's Night. Consider the fact that Jimi Hendrix only agreed to go to London and become a rock star there only if he got to meet Eric Clapton and the Beatles. They're so famous they're bigger than Jesus. No offense Jesus, you're pretty cool yourself. 
 

Second, the lyrics. The lyrics in Beatles songs are the bread and butter of their music. The lyrics are always simple but they are powerful. Sometimes the best lyrics are simple everyday thoughts, patterns, and phrases that have been rewritten into a more catchy form. Easy to understand, very difficult to master.  

Third, the guitar and drum parts. Okay, so to actually perform their songs, its nothing really all that special. However, they did it so well as a band, that I'm actually impressed with John Lennon and George Harrison's guitar work. Harrison and Lennon are two of the best guitarists in rock history and Paul McCartney is one of the best bassists in rock. In terms of Paul's bass sound you can judge for yourself, after hearing countless great bass runs throughout the Beatles catalogue, you just know he's a great player. Ringo laid down the groove. 

One of my favorite time periods for the Beatles was when they first came to America, and they were playing stadiums full of screaming girls. John played a Rickenbacker guitar and really strummed the hell out of it. Those were the days. 

Lastly, the personal connection through loneliness, isolation, listening to the music, and feeling so good despite it all. Their music makes me feel good. Sometimes I'll listen to them all day and I can still hear the songs in my head when I lay down at night. Even at that level, their music calms me down and soothes me. The positivity is so strong.

This is the ultimate band for the ultimate cheerful person, the person who smiles when everybody else complains. It's the soundtrack to my life. At least for now.  

The world is burning outside, but it's all good because she loves you, and you know that can't be bad. She loves you and you know you should be glad. [wooooooooooooooo!] 

Be Tough-Minded In 2019

This is a continuation of my previous post (view here), it was about staying motivated in 2019. Here I'd like to continue that discourse, shifting the motivational stuff to how being more tough-minded helps you achieve your goals. Being tough-minded is difficult and most people aren't naturally this way. However, its a useful skill in the long run that will help you throughout your life.

1) You have to manage your emotions. This goes without saying to most people, especially old people who are much more experienced and evolved, they are true masters of mastering their emotions. When things don't go your way you shouldn't throw a tantrum. Realize that although life is difficult, sometimes you have to suffer a little bit before you can get to the good stuff. When I see co-workers and customers yelling at each other at my work I often think about how these people will never be able to do or accomplish complex things, only just because they can't control their emotions (the price said this and its not ringing up right! fix it while I scream!), and they don't have the patience. Its a shame.

2) Be self-confident. Goes without saying but again, super difficult. Most people aren't born naturally confident. Its a learned skill, especially for me. Even though I'm probably smarter than most of all the people that come to my work (including adults), I'm usually quiet and reserved, to the point that some people even say I need more confidence. Go figure. 

3) Choose who you associate with wisely. I've actually come to the sudden realization that although I love hanging out with my friends, I hang out with them too much. The solution was to spend more time by myself reading, writing, and playing guitar. Absence makes the heart fonder. Also, make sure to avoid sketchy people. Some people aren't worth the time or the effort, especially if they bring you down. 

4) Face your fears and take action. Sometimes you gotta man up and take action. Not feeling work? Ask for some time off. Need to lose weight? Work out more. Want a girl friend? Start asking out girls. Sometimes we think we have all these problems and we dwell over them, but forget about how easy the solutions are. Nike, Just Do It.  

5) Say no when you have to. Tired of your boss calling you in early everyday? Learn to say no. Learn to establish the narrative on your own terms. Tired of helping your co-workers do their own job? Say no to them too. Saying no helps because it shows people that you're not a pushover and shouldn't be approached with unreasonable demands. 

6) Be self-disciplined. You have to work hard to accomplish things. I read a lot of books and blog about them. This alone takes a lot of discipline. Most millennials don 't care much for novels but I'm trying to be a different breed. To be a great guitar player I have to keep practicing, even though I'm currently not playing with any band I still keep up my chops, learn new songs, and am always searching for band members. 

7) Be independent and don't compare yourself to others. You came into this world alone, and you will leave this world alone. That's a bit morbid but in a way its true. You have to learn how to be alone in order to be successful in social situations. In addition, don't compare yourself to others. Just because my friend Jon from high school is a much more successful musician doesn't mean that I should get depressed and dopey. No, instead I'm going to keep working on my chops and keep trying to form a band, and take it as far as it will go. 

Lastly, I'll end with a little story from the other night. I was texting my friend, a not-so-very-good drummer (who can't keep a beat), telling him that I've been getting tired of retail work and that I plan on taking more days off, even if it means I'll lose a little money. He said, "You should do it. You only get to live once and then you die." 

Keep that in mind. Don't let your dreams be memes.