Primal Instinct Ready for Deployment

Hello, World. [computer science] 

No, really. Bom gia! 

Here I'd like to write a short update on life and some ideas that have reverberated throughout my memory. 

First, I'm starting to start to ditch my electronics more and embrace nature. I've been experimenting with playing a lot less video games, and now I've finally reached the point where I think I can stop and not feel like I'm missing out. How did that happen? 

Well, you see, I was having extreme computer issues. Minor problems, not hardware issues, just software issues. In the process, I learned a little bit more about software and how to fix them when things aren't handshaking. I had more fun learning and fixing the problem than actually playing the game. Therefore, I don't really need to play the game anymore. Capeesh? 

I even started turning off my phone and not leaving it in my pocket when I'm on the work floor. Much better, mucho gusto. Why? Less distractions. Less anxiety. Better performance.  

Second, I'm starting to enjoy nature more, despite the 100 degree California heat. If you haven't read my post on what its been like being on foot in the hot sun all the time, look no further, and read this post here here. There are a lot of good mentions in that post about how to deal with 100 degree heat, on foot, working, eating, and more. 

My body is starting to respond. The first couple trips of adventuring in 100 degree heat were so brutal, so brutal in fact, that I could hardly really walk without feeling the weight of a thousand suns. [Lol], no, but it was fucking hot and I felt like a ton as a result. The answer to this problem? Well, you might not like this, but you just gotta fucking man up and not wimp out and just fucking overcome it like a boss you fucking weakling. 

Your body feels weak and sluggish in the 100 degree hot sun because its hot, yes. But also, you've grown fat and weak, living on the American fat of bougies society, and now you can barely walk in 100 degree heat. That's the truth of the matter. The answer is to go primal and go back to nature and ditch video games and porn marathons, your endless cable news TV, your VR, your alcohol. Stop being a fuckin' biomass. 

If you want some inspiration, I recommend watching this cartoon on cartoon network called Primal. It's really cool and shows what man is really like when he isn't weighed down by the limitations of the 21st century and its bourgeois rulers. 

But what do I know? I'm a guitar player hippie who should've been around in the 60s, not now. Yet here I am, and there you are, reading this for some reason, staring into the either.

I see now the limitations put on myself and others and am pushing through to the other side of human activity and intersubjectivity through my armchair sociology. 

I see nature as something I've always loved, even as a child mediating under the stars. But I also know that nature is nasty, brutish, and short. So the long and short of it is, yes, nature is good, but it is no replacement or substitution for God or food for the soul. It's just something out there for you to enjoy. To really get spiritual healing you have to go much farther and do much more. 

Go do something you beautiful goon. And don't forget the water bottle this time. 

p.s. time keeps moving but its always in a circle, endless, starless, until it disappears within being and nothingness, and the cycle begins anew

-your friendly neighborhood retail philosopher 

New Years Eve, Reflections of a Retail Employee

Goodbye 2021! 

Here we are, the last day of 2021. Covid is still rampaging through the lands. Just this past Thursday there were 20,000 new cases of covid in Cali. Some things never change. But we strive for a better day, and will work towards creating a healthier, better world with all those happy things. Here I'd just like to recap a couple of things about work and life that took place over this year.  

First, work has surprisingly become better, much better since the initial wave of the virus. Things are much more streamlined and there have been no employees that have come down with the virus, [to my knowledge]. As a cashier, I'm encased in a box covering me from being too close to customers. It's hard to hear what they say, but it's improved my hearing tenfold, especially hearing all the many different tones and accents throughout LA. 

The store still has its problems: not enough employees to work, customers coming in not wearing masks, no social distancing, not enough raises for employees, not enough help to get all the work done for a typical eight hour shift, disgruntled lower management having disagreements with upper management in the way they deal and manage employees and customers. As one of my line managers says, "it's a shit show." But I would say, "but the show must go on and it ain't over till the fat lady sings." 

I think the last two years of covid has really changed the way we see work in all its vicissitudes. What I'm finding is that a lot of employees and management I work with are very disgruntled about having to work retail. What can you tell these people? The sad part about it is that a lot of these young people I work with have degrees and have finished college and they're still chipping away at retail gigs like retail grocery. The short answer is that it's tough out there. Life is short and then you die. Here's a dull knife. 

Here's the way I see it personally. I don't look at my retail grocery job as something I do for money OR something that I do for fun, although it's definitely those things as well. Rather, I see my job as a reliable go-to safehouse that provides me social interaction, money, and good vibes. Why would anybody care about something as hippy dippy as good vibes, almost with the same tier as money? 

Well, I'm kind of a wild child hippy guitar kid from Wisconsin, so you might not "get it," or maybe there's nothing quite to get, but I think there's a strong lack of capacity for happiness going on super strong in this world, intensified a thousand times by the countless deaths and infections of coronavirus and stagnation in terms of careers and relationships. Believe it or not, being happy might be more important than getting rich, or getting the hottest wife, or 2.5 kids, or even gasp, a great career. Simply put, although we all will continue to strive for more and better, we all have to learn how to deal with less during the plague years. Painful to hear yes, hard to understand, no, difficult to put into real life practical experience, yes. 

What I lack in a real career over there is more experience than most other workers in retail. More experience in dealing with real people with real problems, and more experience in learning how to continue being happy on a daily basis. It ain't special and I'm no guru, but I am the philosopher in aisle 9.

I see my job as more of a social construct I've created through hard work and goodwill. I'm Orlando Furioso and I've created my own knight errantry story on the job. I'm my own character, complete with virtue, personality, and reciprocal goodwill to others I meet there. 

As I look over 2021 I think about the destruction of American institutions, government, the chaos and divide within the system, the civil war-esque aesthetic, the coronavirus killing lots of people still, new infections going on everyday, the lack of goodwill and generosity within this social construct, and you know what I get out of it? I see the world, and other people, much like myself. Nobody is completely happy and in every life in this world, there is a lot of suffering and pain. However, the cure is to keep chipping away and improving your capacity for happiness. Some people get it right away and you can see it on their face. Others are Debbie downers and try to get others to feel the same way or playing the crowd like a fiddle for sympathy. There's this magic forcefield within the universe, it's within yourself, and you can see it in others, "I am the walrus!" 

But what do I know? I'm just a grasshopper, you can tell by the way I walk. 

Pride and Prejudice

Wow, just wow. From the very first couple sentences I was captivated by this book. The way the men are characterized, the way the girls are portrayed emotionally, the weariness of the mother to marry off her poor three daughters. The father who has to deal with them. You begin to see that this isn't a novel, it is rather much very like real life. If you're single, then you know that your mother is wondering if you have a girlfriend when she calls.

That's where Jane Austen captivates me. This work of fiction is rather like real life. The way the characters say things but they really mean the exact opposite of what they say, that is what happens in real life too! This was one of my favorite aspects of the book.

What do girls want? To be loved and married and all that good stuff, to marry a man of good looks, status and prestige, of wealth and land ownership, of upright jovian bearing, who will treat them right and love them, that's what Jane Austen says.

But how to they achieve that, being but a girl of low social status, no money, and possibly not even the best looker? Well, that's where things get complicated, and the devil is in the details. It turns out, that sometimes, even if a man and woman like each other, they might love each other too, but only if they can truly find each other, I know that sounds corny but it's what happens in this book. How does a couple find each other? Turns out just by talking to each other. Sometimes it turns out that they loved each other upon first meeting but sometimes it doesn't click instantly, and their love only intensifies from there. You had me from the very beginning, you really got me.

Girls just want to get married and then have fun.

How the Beatles Saved Me During Coronavirus

Hello, ladies and gents. How's it going? Well, the answer to that question is probably all over the place. To be completely honest, the world has pretty much gone to shit, 'in it? That's my British slang for you. There's actually a perverse goodness and grace that has come out of all this disorder and chaos. Consider the fact that if it were not for all of the terrible things that have happened, Trump just may have gotten re-elected, and easily too. Of course, we will see in November. 

But I'm actually hear to discuss music. The Beatles saved me during coronavirus. No other band or musical style have resonated with me this much during the crisis. It's pretty easy to see why I like them so much and why they've made such a big impact on me during this particular time in my life. 

For starters, they're one of the best classic rock groups of all time. Of course, they're more pop than rock, but they had their more rock and roll moments, especially early in their career, like the Revolver album or A Hard Day's Night. Consider the fact that Jimi Hendrix only agreed to go to London and become a rock star there only if he got to meet Eric Clapton and the Beatles. They're so famous they're bigger than Jesus. No offense Jesus, you're pretty cool yourself. 
 

Second, the lyrics. The lyrics in Beatles songs are the bread and butter of their music. The lyrics are always simple but they are powerful. Sometimes the best lyrics are simple everyday thoughts, patterns, and phrases that have been rewritten into a more catchy form. Easy to understand, very difficult to master.  

Third, the guitar and drum parts. Okay, so to actually perform their songs, its nothing really all that special. However, they did it so well as a band, that I'm actually impressed with John Lennon and George Harrison's guitar work. Harrison and Lennon are two of the best guitarists in rock history and Paul McCartney is one of the best bassists in rock. In terms of Paul's bass sound you can judge for yourself, after hearing countless great bass runs throughout the Beatles catalogue, you just know he's a great player. Ringo laid down the groove. 

One of my favorite time periods for the Beatles was when they first came to America, and they were playing stadiums full of screaming girls. John played a Rickenbacker guitar and really strummed the hell out of it. Those were the days. 

Lastly, the personal connection through loneliness, isolation, listening to the music, and feeling so good despite it all. Their music makes me feel good. Sometimes I'll listen to them all day and I can still hear the songs in my head when I lay down at night. Even at that level, their music calms me down and soothes me. The positivity is so strong.

This is the ultimate band for the ultimate cheerful person, the person who smiles when everybody else complains. It's the soundtrack to my life. At least for now.  

The world is burning outside, but it's all good because she loves you, and you know that can't be bad. She loves you and you know you should be glad. [wooooooooooooooo!] 

Back To Reality

Hello, world. I've been on a leave of absence from work since April. Tomorrow I get back to my retail gig at the market. I thought I'd jot down some thoughts on the time I spent away from work. 

I've been in my own quarantine without having caught the virus since April. I didn't see or talk to people in person other than people at the grocery store and my family. I really started to miss those everyday actions and interactions with people. I went out on a lot of long walks on most days. Even tonight I went for a long walk. 

The time I spent away for two months was great. Time spent enjoying an interior life. This pandemic calls for the individual to have an interior life. If you don't have an interior life this pandemic is going to be very rough for you.

I caught up on a lot of reading. I read The Plague by Albert Camus, We the Russian dystopian novel, Slan the first mutant novel sort of like X-Men, The Day They H Bombed Los Angeles the first zombie novel from the 1960s, an entire Science Fiction Hall of Fame collection of short stories from the 1930s-1960s, Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Marquez, The Satyricon by Petronius Nero's style expert, The Art of War, the Tao Te Ching, parts of Don Quixote, 75% of Plutarch's Lives, and parts of Zhuangzi. All of these things have merit and were well spent reading time. I was particularly impressed by Love in the Time of Cholera. How it goes to such excruciating and yet humorous details about the tribulations of undying love. 

Reading was probably the one thing that I couldn't do without during this time. I learned a lot reading Plutarch's Lives about famous men of antiquity [my favorites are Pompey, Crassus, Ceasar, Pericles, Romulus, and Nero], their virtues or lack thereof, military conquest, and the culture, history, and philosophy of ancient Greece and Rome. I plan on finishing Plutarch's Lives within the next week or so. I got into reading Plutarch because my brother turned me onto a podcast about the History of Rome, Mike Duncan's History of Rome [downloaded over 100 million times] so I supplemented that with Plutarch. The book was given to me by a customer at my work. She thought I would like it because I've told her that I've read certain things in history and philosophy.

I also spent a lot of time gaming. I played a lot of Heroes of the Storm, Overwatch, and Team Fortress 2. My go-to games for the last six years. I started playing ranked Heroes of the Storm a lot more and that's been a good experience. I took a break from competitive Overwatch but still plan on playing it in the future. Likewise, I've been on a break from Team Fortress 2. So it's mostly been Heroes of the Storm ranked mode. Playing online games competitively teaches you how to be a team player and a leader. To improve and rank up in games takes determination, will, skill, and sheer luck. Although I probably played way too much I would say it was a good experience. Therapeutic even.

I also spent a lot of time reading the news, watching the news, and discussing politics with friends on social media. If you aren't following up on the news you should wise up and start paying attention. There's so much happening in a single 24-hour news cycle nowadays that not reading the news for one day will put you far behind on the issues. I read the news every night before bed and sometimes also in the morning when I wake up. It's a routine.

With the pandemic still ravaging the human population in America and the unending systemic oppression of black and brown people by police still haunting us every day, keeping up with the news will make you a smarter, more informed individual. You don't want to be an everyday low information person. Those people sound dumb when they speak before others and they speak the loudest as well. Do you want to be like them? If not, then keep up on the news. You don't have to be a news junkie but a few articles every day goes a long way.  I recommend Rachel Maddow [for a general but important view] on msnbc for TV and the Nytimes [for a national view] website for text-based news.

Lastly, I want to say that I did a lot of thinking and soul searching, without even going anywhere, doing anything in particular, or leaving my house. This is the time for us to do that; during a pandemic that's put millions of Americans out of work, during a period of civil unrest where police brutality and racism is running rampant. I thought a lot about what I want out of life. Goals, dreams, actions, near, far-term, the future, and all the metaphysical feelings associated with it. The time off really chilled me out. I see now more than ever that the world exists based on your reaction to it, as well as others'. You can only control yourself, your own actions, and your own thoughts. If you can bring people into your life and make them meaningful to it in some way then perhaps that's what we are all here for. "Love is life's sovereign goal." If more people saw life in that way, the world would be a much better place.

Thankgiving Turkey Pardoning

The holidays are here! Which means hard work for us in retail. I looking forward to some holiday cheer and fun, both at work and at my leisure. I was thinking about possibly buying a Nintendo Switch for when Smash Ultimate comes out. Or perhaps a shiny new classical guitar? Or some crazy electric guitar pedals? I've been playing a lot of classical guitar lately, trying to learn Sequenza for Guitar by Berio. Its a super difficult piece but its doable. I'm hoping to be able to play it fluently in a couple months, maybe master it in 6 months to a year, in time to perform it in Chicago next year. 

This Christmas I feel like gifts should be nominal. I have a small family, in fact my list of friends is bigger. All I really want is maybe some interesting books and possibly some holiday days off from work. But even if all I can get is some books that's cool too. 

I've been using a lot of my blogging time writing about staying positive in tough times. Well these are tough times for Californians. Many people lost their homes to fires, they're living in air bnb's, hotels, their cars, and some in makeshift tents I presume. Its a really tough time. And to throw salt in the wound our President can't even get the name of a burned down city right ("I visited Pleasure, he sounded like a dirty old man), it was actually called Paradise. If you follow the news then you already know that our democracy is in shambles. But politics isn't what the holidays are about. 

Its about peace and love, and all that good stuff. A lot of customers at my retail job have been a lot nicer this holiday week because they realize that this is the hardest time to work for retail workers. Once you see and acknowledge that, it makes it a lot easier to focus on your job, work hard, be tired, but not be stressed out about it. Its like all these daily feel good blog posts I've been writing. In a way it makes you more zen-like. In the end the holidays can be about things and gifts. The Marxist in me sees those things as consumerist waste. But perhaps its actually more about the way you treat others, treating them the way you would like to be treated. I learned that in Catholic grammar school and its one of the best lessons I've ever learned. 

The Shape of Water

The Shape of Water is a fantasy (and somewhat science fiction) drama film directed by Guillermo del Toro and written by del Toro and Vanessa Taylor (of tv and movie fame, she wrote for seasons 2 and 3 of Game of Thrones). The film follows a mute custodian woman working in a security government facility, where she befriends and falls in love with an amphibian creature. Think creature from the black lagoon except this creature is way too cute and human-like. 

Anyways, the plot is simple enough. The woman frees our amphibian dude from the lab where she falls in love with him, and they even have sex! She has a great ass by the way and the film has a bit of sexual sensuousness. There's a couple scenes where we see her masturbating, always in the tub full of water. But I digress. 

It must be said with utmost authority that actress Sally Hawkins (who plays Elisa the lead female role) makes this movie, the monster doesn't add much. Her acting is so lovely, so pure, and in the scene where she was singing I got caught up in her poetic elegance. Back to the story. 

So she frees him (the monster) and the bad guys from the facility eventually find out she has him. The bad guy shoots our amphibian and our girl, and they both die. However, the amphibian heals himself, surprise! He has a healing factor! What is this Logan? After he heals his bullet wound in a second he slashes our bad guy across the face, killing him instantly. If he was this god-like and powerful why was he chained up and beaten so easily earlier in the film? After that he takes Elisa (our girl) and jumps into the river (they were at a harbor where he was to be transported elsewhere but plans got sent to hell), where a sort of magikal realism occurs.

At this point we can choose to believe that a) Elisa gets killed and that the monster turns her scars into gills, thus turning her into a sort of reverse mermaid or b) the monster grabs Elisa and jumps into the river, and what we see is an illusion scene of love, fantasy, and romance, showing that Elisa's love for the monster has transcended human nature, that she has become like him, thus the gills. Either way its quite an interpretative ending, albeit a lazy one. 

Another complaint is that the monster was too damn cute and puppy-like. A true monster by definition has to be ugly, perhaps even disturbed in some ways, think Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. This monster was not a 'true' monster, in fact, other than him eating the head off a cat and killing the bad guy, he was hardly monster-like. Instead, del Toro relies on a cutesy Disney sort of love affair, effective enough for Best Director and Best Score at the 75th Golden Globes but it doesn't satisfy me in any realistic way. The film tries to allow Elisa to transcend human nature with this love story but it doesn't get the nitty gritty down right. The devil's always in the details. 

However, I can see why this movie is such a success. I can see why women and girls especially like it a lot, it is very much a romantic type of thing. This is the kind of movie you would bring a date to, or your girl friend, perhaps even your wife if she's open to different kinds of movies. Its quite good and I enjoyed it very much but the monster isn't really a true monster, he's a sort of cute puppy dog, which I can see why the girls would like the film and the creature. 

Giles: [interpreting Elisa] When he looks at me, the way he looks at me... He does not know, what I lack... Or - how - I am incomplete. He sees me, for what I - am, as I am. He's happy - to see me. Every time. Every day. Now, I can either save him... or let him die.

Kindred

Kindred is a time travel slave narrative written by Octavia Butler, an important black female science fiction writer from California. In Kindred a black woman (named Dana) in 1976 is transported to early 19th century Maryland (pre-Civil War), where she meets her ancestors, Rufus (white slave owner) and Alice (a black free woman forced back into slavery later in life).

The book is a first person account from Dana's point of view. She has a lot of trouble adjusting to becoming a slave, and the descriptions of events that happen to her and other slaves is horrifying. Butler has described the work as 'a grim kind of fantasy'. The novel takes into account power, gender, race issues, and speculates on future egalitarianism. Although this is science fiction because of its powerful portrayal of slave life this book is often a required reading for high school classes exploring African American literature.

Now I'd like to go into more detail about some of the topics that come to light from this book.

First, the story is from a woman's point a view, and a black woman at that. You could say its a sort of feminism but the idea of the strong black female protagonist isn't portrayed enough in science fiction novels, its a breath of fresh air. In the book Dana tries to change Rufus, her white slave owning relative by appealing to reason, and trying to allow him to see the evil in the ways of his time period. A man couldn't do that nearly as well or as clever as a woman.  

Race used as a social construckt. This book explores race thoroughly. The fact that she time travels back to the past shows a race paradigm that goes from the present (1970s) to the past (pre-Civil War) and goes into the present (today). 

"The lesson of Dana’s trips to the past, then, is that "we cannot escape or repress our racist history but instead must confront it and thereby reduce its power to pull us back, unthinkingly, to earlier modes of consciousness and interaction."  (wiki)    

Lastly, we have the meaning of the novel's title, Kindred. Kindred means a couple of things; it refers to the genealogical link between Dana and her ancestors but it also refers to the Universal link between all Americans regardless of ethnic background. Kinship of blacks and whites must be acknowledged if America is to become a better place for all.

Kindred is Butler's bestseller and its easy to see why. It oozes literary style (what a voice), emotional impact and drama, and keeps you on the edge of your seat for the two hundred and sixty page ride. As my first Octavia Butler book I was not disappointed, I look forward to reading more of her work soon. I'd also be interested in reading this again at a later date.

“‘Don’t argue with white folks,’ [Luke] had said. ‘Don’t tell them ‘no.’ Don’t let them see you mad. Just say ‘yes, sir.’ Then go ’head and do what you want to do. Might have to take a whippin’ for it later on, but if you want it bad enough, the whippin’ won’t matter much.”

La Jetee

La Jetee is a French short science fiction film made in 1962. It runs at about twenty-eight minutes. The movie was a big influence on William Gibson, one of my favorite science fiction writers. The story focuses on a man as a child and adult who is watching planes take off at an airport. He sees a woman there. The last thing he remembers is seeing the woman and in that moment he knew that he saw a man die, but this is all he can discover from this. Eventually the world becomes engulfed in darkness, a sort of nuclear apocalypse perhaps? In the end we learn that what he saw was actually his own death.

Later he wakes up as an adult in this underground city, called galleries in the film. There's these scientists that are doing experiments on people so that they can go to the future to find a technology that can restore the world of the past. They decide to use this man because the strain of going to the future is hard on the mind. They think that because this guy is so attached to this idea of his youth, that moment described above, that his chances for doing it will be greater. So they put some stuff over his eyes and conduct experiments on him. In these experiments he meets (in a sort of other world) the woman he saw at the airport as a child and he comes to have a romantic relationship with her complete with jokes, conversations, and numerous hangouts every time he goes through the experiments.

Eventually during one of these experiments our protagonist finds himself in the world of the future, where the people have this black dot stuff (not all of them were dots, some were other shapes) on their foreheads. The future civilization people give him a technology that can restore the past and prevent impending doom. So he goes back to the dystopian present where his mission is completed, thus saving humanity.

Upon his arrival our main character figures out that these scientists are going to kill him. The aliens of the future ask him if he wants to leave that time permanently and go with them but the man instead asks to go back to the past so he can meet the woman. They agree to do this.

So he goes back to the past at the airport. He knows he is there as a kid. He sees the woman and just before he gets to her he dies, killed by a government agent that works for the scientists. What a movie!

The movie brings to mind a bunch ideas. Time is inescapable. Try as we might we are all subservient to time, we bend to its will in a way. We think we understand the past but we don't totally get it. Instead, we find ourselves in the hear and now, an important concept in Zen Buddhism, which I've read a little about. 

It also brings to mind the idea of dystopian modernism. If the Earth got flattened by nuclear war we would probably build cities underground, a popular idea in many science fiction movies. The surface would be contaminated by nuclear waste and we wouldn't be able to live in such nice places anymore. As the movie said we would become lords of rats.

There's ideas of utopia thrown in there as well, The scientists in the present think that the world in which they live is so horrible that they have to keep conducting experiments that probably harm peoples' minds because they want to regain what they had lost, their precious happy-go-lucky past where parents take their children to see airplanes take off at the airport. What a precious and happy thought.

Lastly, the film brings up romance. Ultimately our main character becomes attracted to the woman and keeps wanting to see her. When he finds out he's going to be killed, instead of going with the future citizens he asks them to send him back to the past so he can find the woman. When he does this it shows that he loves the woman, perhaps may want to spend the rest of his life with her. He could have gone to the future and lived the life of a revolutionary but instead he chooses love.

There you have it. A short science fiction film that displays tons of great ideas and all with still photos! I can see how and why something like this would influence William Gibson. These ideas are still portrayed in movies and talked about to this very day. You could even say that some of the virtual reality things I've been blogging about and reading are sort of related to this-science, dystopia, utopia, love, futurism, and the modern dark ages.

You can watch the film here.

Nothing distinguishes memories from ordinary moments. Only later do they become memorable by the scars they leave.