New Horizons, Incoming Labor Day Weekend

 

Hello world. How are you doing? It seems like the world has changed so much since even the last post early this month about the novel Three Body Problem. I was reading a lot of novels nonstop. In fact, this year, since January, I've read 25 novels. In addition, I've started using ChatGPT consistently. I try not to  use it as a crutch for writing and/or actual ideas I have but rather as a sort of backup/double check on certain things. 

For example, today my friend came over and was having an issue connecting his laptop to the internet web browser, and I asked it a few questions about possible fixes and troubleshooting. I also use it for questions about novels and albums of particular jazz artists and Zappa albums. It's gotten to the point where I'm using it more than google, which is downright fascinating but I'm aware that I'm becoming attached to it a bit too much. For example, I wouldn't want to use ChatGPT to write this blog post. That would be a bridge too far. 

Moving on, what I'm mainly posting about today is more about a change of seasons. I moved on from my retail grocery job of twelve years and am now working at a thrift shop. It's not a glamorous job but it is a big change and there is room for advancement into management in the future. Pay is what the market will bear but the hours are reasonable and usually I get home around 9 pm. That is a huge plus for me because at the grocery job I was working till 1 am nearly every night for twelve years. So there's some good change here. 

In addition, the place is small, only has a few employees [but will be hiring more soon], and you answer to one main manager, and another bigger manager above him. My coworkers are very nice and they've done their best to train me my first two weeks so far. There's still certain things I need to go over and really get down better but overall I really like the work. There's a cashiering element to the job but it's not as intense as grocery store cashiering. There's a daily nightly report that gets emailed to the bigger manager that I have to learn to write faster and get down better. But overall, it's a job, with opportunities for advancement, and because it's not a glamorous job, I think there's safety there. 

Also, I think I lucked out with this job because right now the job market is cooked, as Gen Z says. There was a report in the nytimes about how this past month, in New York there was only 1,000 jobs added, which is insane, because I think there are more people in New York than in LA, so we're probably not doing too well with adding and filling jobs in LA either. 

Moving on, I got laid off from my grocery store job back in January, around the beginning of that month. Keep in mind that I didn't quit or want to leave. They sort of forced me out, a sort of forced being laid off. So I've been unemployed for seven months. It was a rough period. I would say it was second worst time of my entire life. I went through a lot of severe depression and had constant nightmares. For about three of those months I could barely get out of bed.

My daily routine consisted of getting up as early as I could, cleaning up, looking/applying to jobs online, going to places in person and handing out my resume and asking if they're hiring [which most managers didn't really appreciate], and getting tons of rejection emails. Out of about 65 jobs, [15-20 of them being the same job applied to more than once over a period of a couple months], I got four job interviews, went to three of them, and got the fourth one at this thrift store. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to stay in retail grocery because that's my primary job experience but it just didn't work out. In fact, the first three interviews were all at grocery stores, and I think I would've been a bit happier at a grocery store but again, it didn't work out. So this is the next step going forwards. 

Lastly, as the job market, economy, government, immigration system, and healthcare system collapse all around me, all I have to say is that as bad as those seven months being unemployed were, it actual wasn't as bad as it could've been. I had some savings to buy food and live on. I've spent a lot of money on that and want to replenish some of my savings with this new job. But more importantly than saving money or having money, I think right now just having a job is more important than ever. 

I don't want to be all about doom and gloom but the system is collapsing. It has been for a while but most people are in denial about it and the government/news never say that we're in a bad depression right now. I think its a lot worse than it looks. There was a shooting at a Catholic school yesterday that ended with the loss of two young lives, that shook the nation. I don't think it will get better and I don't think there will be gun reform as a result of this incident. 

In the worst of my moments being unemployed I seriously thought about giving up my groovy lifestyle in California to go back to the Midwest and live with my Mom, and help her out, especially now that she's getting older. With the way things are going for me here, I still might do that in the end. I've found that people I knew and know here in California were nice people at the time and we might have been friends for a while, but not every friendship lasts. I happen to think that the friends I made out here in California are much more narcissistic than my friends from the Midwest. Not only friends but a lot of managers at the retail grocery job were narcissistic as well. It kind of makes you wonder if there's something in the air here in California? 

Watch this space.    

may gloom, june bloom!

Goodbye May gloom, hello June bloom! Looks like even the weather's trying to keep up with my mood swings. What can I say, I'm feeling kind of blue. But this too, shall pass.

Here we are in May. Six months from now we will have a new American President. I think Trump will actually win the election. The court cases and the sensational news about it, every excruciating detail even the stuff about Stormy Daniels, has somehow made Trump even stronger. I think his base are more fired up than ever, and they're around me everyday at the supermarket. Woe is me. Hopefully violence doesn't break out. 

Why I think this. Well, for starters, I think Biden has alienated a lot of his base. People like me, young people, people of culture who vote and think and read and have jobs and families, people who usually always vote democrat, I think Biden has really messed with this set of peoples. However, I think one part of his base that will remain loyal to him no matter what is black women, a large portion of the democratic base. 

I don't want Biden to be President, and I think he's doing a disservice to the world community by funding and sending arms to Israel to use against the war in Gaza, but to be fair, what it really has become, is the Israeli military beating and blowing up Gazan civilians and destroying their infrastructure, now leading to famine. 

I think the outrage and disgust against this war will ultimately result in the loss for the democrats and lead to the takeover of America by the republican party, sponsoring Trump to rule as a fascist despot in the guise of a republican party leader. Almost like some bad nazi won the war movie. That's worst case scenario. And I know you know and think that Americans don't want this. But what if they 0 don't consider swing voters enough 1 don't show up to vote 2 vote for trump 3 end up being okay with being run by a fascist despot, because after all 1 i got mine and 2 those other people don't matter and 3 they should work harder. These are things you've got to think about if you're being realistic. 

Next, the pressing issue of people in today's society and culture. Now, it seems to be that most people out there are not taking care of business. Your parents aren't taking care of business, your managers aren't taking care of business, your friends aren't taking care of business, you have to take care of business yourself. 

So this means you can't just turn on, tune in, and drop out like Timothy Leary. Although many of the older American friends of mine have turned on to this decadent hippie lifestyle. What they'll do is find a way to finance themselves in the easiest way possible, barely work, have a house for them and a girlfriend/wife, and just coast while drinking a lot and perhaps indulging in some occasional recreational drug use. 

Keep in mind I work at a supermarket so I can see and tell you that there alcoholics that come to me to purchase liquor everyday at the same times and they're hardcore alcoholics and it's like a way of life to these people. They come to me to ring it up every time possibly because they think I won't judge them as harshly as the other cashiers, I'm known to be something of a Papa Genu. 

My point; when you have a society, an entire culture wasted by alcohol and recreational drugs like marijuana and cocaine, you have a recipe for mental health disaster. We have not reaped the benefits of the so-called acid generation. In fact, they're a big part of the problem since the 1960s. I'm not saying the conservatives were right, but I'm saying there's been a big problem with the entire liberal agenda, the entire scene, it's all wrong-headed and stupid, and has contributed to moral hazard. 

After all, I am a moral conservative. But one that isn't closeminded to change or adaptation to change. I think change is a big part of the culture, history, society, and government of the United States. I think one of the biggest problems in America today is that we aren't open enough to change. How can you explain the fact that its election 2024 Biden versus Trump yet again. These guys have one foot in the grave and we're giving them a chance to run for president yet again? What does that tell you about us, as a society, as a people, as a culture? 

We live in a society where the culture goes anyway the wind blows. A pop culture, where the average student is weaned to become a consumer of almost any type of goods from any country. When you walk down the street or go to businesses there's more often than not, people making a spectacle of themselves for some reason or other. I see it almost every night at work. These are like happenings, but not the good type of happenings like a concert in the park on an afternoon.

The culture has become debased. We have young people tuned in on video games, tiktok, porn, TV, movies, social media, alcohol, drugs, but not really making the money needed to live a better life or the life they want. They don't contribute to the society in any meaningful way expect putting their hard earned money back into the economy, allowing the invisible hand to do what it will. We have so much of everything that it's literally hurting us to the point where people can not and will not think for themselves. 

Every time you get in an argument with your parents, your managers, your friends, your so-called acquaintances, think about why they were angry and think about the fact that they're not taking care of business. Why should you explain yourself to someone who's completely tuned out and isn't taking care of business? So you see there is a sort of hypocrisy there. 

But wait, there's more. There's still hope yet for you. Through change. Change is the total mass retain. By change you will come to who you are, see things for what they are, and hopefully come to some understanding to develop strategies into which you can transform your world, your environment into whatever you want it to be, leading through your own personal example, but also by going in there and breaking things. The right kind of outside character already knows this, the outsider. But not all of us are outsiders, some of us are children of the wasted acid generation, who didn't have a clue and still don't, especially now that they're getting older. 

The last part here is the most important. You have to learn to think for yourself. Question everything, question even what I have written here, question yourself, question your own thoughts and ideas, but keep a reality principal, make sure you understand and know what is real and what is not, learn to become smarter so you can more easily define and compare good and evil. I know this is basic but you would be surprised how many people don't know this because they think doctors, lawyers, parents, wives, girlfriends, or therapists will help them and somehow they'll 'figure it all out.' 

Of course, today, anyone with an iq above 28 is a threat to society and is automatically labeled an outsider, even if he knows it or not. Why? Drugs and alcoholism has taken over critical thinking in the younger classes and disillusionment and powerlessness have overtaken the older generations to the point where most of them are tuned out to the pop culture world and live in a small capsule. 

Is this the end of civilization part III? 

verändert sich durch Sein und Zeit

Gute Abend, 

Things are changing so much and so rapidly it's almost as if time itself is a blur. In the blink of an eye, we are born, we grow, we live, and we die. 

Mortality and fate are intertwined, although the moderns have never been able to quite explain or understand it no matter how far they get in doing so. The Ancients had an easier way of trying to understand it, but they too failed in this fundamentally human question. 

I've lived in Los Angeles for ten years, have had a great life, made some friends, partied and chilled with a lot of people, became a better musician, and even became a part of these rock and roll after hours parties by playing Hendrix for drunkards and druggies. 

Life is good. But fundamentally I realize I'm right back where I started when I first got here. Trying to make it in Los Angeles through music, my own wits, and whatever talents I may have in any other areas. It's rough. It's rough for anybody out here. 

The pandemic made life for a lot of people much worse. Their children have become stay-at-home malcontents that can't handle working, or worse, they just do drugs and alcohol and have no hope of ever succeeding in life, let alone holding onto a job without switching every 2-4 years. 

There are new strains of corona out there and there's more of the threat of respiratory diseases for infants and young children. Politics have become embroiled and republicans are content to make fun of Pelosi's husband pretty much getting murdered. 

To be alive in the bitter sea. 

What's a guy to do?

Run the changes again. 

Play the same old song but in a different way. In order to live in this decline of western civilization, you must learn to find a new way to live. 

For everyone, this will mean something different. For me, I had to learn to stay away from problem people and their problems, and stay focused on my job, music, reading, eating better and losing weight, and maintaining, making, and improving relationships. None of it is easy. In fact, it' grueling and mind-numbing. 

For years and years I used to be content to sit in my room and play video games, not caring about anything going on outside my window. Then the pandemic kicked in and somehow I became more serious. I realized how fickle life can be. 

I started taking music more seriously, deeply trying to understand everything I read, rather than just reading for pleasure. I started learning languages like Spanish, French, Italian, German, and Portuguese. I learned how to play jazz guitar so I could get out of my rock guitar virtuoso lizard brain. I started playing piano and drums and even singing. I even did a lot of open mics where I was playing electric guitar plugged into a PA, and singing along to my guitar. Scary! 

Today, I took the bus to guitar center and bought a pair of drum brushes, brushes, used to play more mellow soulful jazz patterns and ballads, even swing.

So there you go. Find your way to live. The meaning of life is that it is meant to be lived. 

You got this. 

[photo is ai generated, created with stable diffusion, android playing jazz saxophone] 

Struggle and internal contradiction

Oh, that magic feeling...

Lately, I've been writing a lot of op-ed sort of blogs about life, my ideas, philosophy, my particular thought processes as of late, autumn 2019. Here's one for you: struggle and internal contradiction. 

A lot of my posts have been sort of feel-good type of things [you need to push yourself, keep going, don't quit, etc], and some of it has been sort of depressing to write about, yet also uplifting in a philosophical way, zen-like. 

There were some continuous themes. Getting older. Changes that weren't necessarily good or bad. But seem bad. Work getting harder, more physical. Being more tired. How do deal with all of this? Keeping your mindset strong rather than just positive.  Or strong and positive.

The thing about all that is that there are struggles and contradictions with regard to all of that. You have to be young to become old. If things didn't change you couldn't appreciate how good things really are/were. For work to become more difficult means you'd have to have had a much easier time at some point in the past. You have to have been full of energy [younger] before you realize you're getting more and more easily tired [older]. 

I might write/say/think one thing and yet may not completely mean it at that moment when proclaiming it. Does that mean that I really mean it? This goes into the analytical side of thought. [which is my true aim out of all these vlog type posts]  To question everything, even yourself.

Consider this: I've been more and more easily tired at work for no particular reason in particular. I was dead half my shift. Dead, as in not very responsive, overly tired, slow, prone to error. Yet, half-way through my shift today I came back from lunch and my attitude was completely changed. I was in the best mood I've ever been in at work. It manifested as me smiling a lot, laughing a lot with my co-workers, being very engaging with every customer. How does something like that happen? And how do you keep such an enlightened state going the next day, month, years, a lifetime? 

The answer could be whatever you make of it. Something just hit me, a pierce in the veil. Sitting under the bodhi tree. Could've been a result of a good lunch. Or a good reading session on said lunch. Realization of something that wasn't thought about consciously or self-consciously. Many things, one thing, or nothing at all. It's important to remember moments like these. It feels good and it was memorable work experience. I think even my co-workers noticed and reacted in kind. It was fun. Cheery. Jovial even. What do you do with this sort of realization? Anything or nothing at all I suppose. This goes to show [character] that a lot of our internal struggles and contradiction could, in fact, be something we can overcome, somehow, in our own way, on our own time, in our own condition. Perhaps I will meditate more. Ruminate on peace and love in the universe. Namaste.

Nowhere to go...

The End

And in the end...

A lot of times I think about the present and think about how it is the end. The end of what? The end of various things, from trivial matters to big, important matters. The end of a jam session, hard day of retail, a day off, a day, a year, a decade, twenty years, thirty years. A life.

I was pretty sad the other day when I found out that Ginger Baker, drummer for Cream, the second rock supergroup after the Beatles had died. He was eighty years old. He lived a full life. Yet it still got to me. Ginger has always been my favorite rock and roll drummer. Before he was in Cream, he played jazz and blues gigs with Jack Bruce. I've seen him on video playing very good straight-ahead jazz drumming styles, something akin to Elvin Jones, Buddy Rich, and Art Blakey, the best of the best in the genre. 

Ginger's death made me think of a lot of other things that have come to an end. My best friend at work got transferred to another store, a promotion for him. We still hang out but a lot less often because his work is a lot farther, and his hours have changed. On top of that, a very good friend of mine seems to be too busy to hang out. The solitude of my home life has been removed due to a new housemate. My attitude about playing open mics has changed. Sometimes I'm just not feeling it and end up not going after practicing said songs to be performed. What's the deal? 

Sometimes I even go to the extremes of going through all my intellectual reading pursuits, discussing it with people in public, and with friends, and think to myself, "What's the point? Will anyone ever care about Littgenstein's Brown and Blue Books? Heidegger's Being and Time? Descartes? The Tale of Genji? A Distant Mirror? Floating Worlds?" The obvious answer is that it might not matter if they don't care because I care, that's the only thing that matters in a sense. Of course I don't mean this in selfish way, rather, so many people are so intellectually bankrupt they wouldn't care to discuss philosophy or literature. But that's subject for another discourse. 

Things change. People change. We have to keep on going, moving on, keep on grooving. The road we travel is a solo path even if you have a wife or girlfriend. Friends are great company but I've found that most of my friends, who are mostly younger than me, are a lot more arrested than myself, meaning, that most of our hangouts consist of me babysitting in a way. It's a sad realization. At first it was, a farce, now tis but a tragicomedy. That's a Marx quote, one of my favorites. 

Now we get to the crux of the matter. Everything you love will be gone one day. Enjoy everything you can and live with no regrets. Even just living life one year ago with the different dynamics is something I miss dearly.

Everything changes but in the end the song remains the same.