New Years Eve, Reflections of a Retail Employee

Goodbye 2021! 

Here we are, the last day of 2021. Covid is still rampaging through the lands. Just this past Thursday there were 20,000 new cases of covid in Cali. Some things never change. But we strive for a better day, and will work towards creating a healthier, better world with all those happy things. Here I'd just like to recap a couple of things about work and life that took place over this year.  

First, work has surprisingly become better, much better since the initial wave of the virus. Things are much more streamlined and there have been no employees that have come down with the virus, [to my knowledge]. As a cashier, I'm encased in a box covering me from being too close to customers. It's hard to hear what they say, but it's improved my hearing tenfold, especially hearing all the many different tones and accents throughout LA. 

The store still has its problems: not enough employees to work, customers coming in not wearing masks, no social distancing, not enough raises for employees, not enough help to get all the work done for a typical eight hour shift, disgruntled lower management having disagreements with upper management in the way they deal and manage employees and customers. As one of my line managers says, "it's a shit show." But I would say, "but the show must go on and it ain't over till the fat lady sings." 

I think the last two years of covid has really changed the way we see work in all its vicissitudes. What I'm finding is that a lot of employees and management I work with are very disgruntled about having to work retail. What can you tell these people? The sad part about it is that a lot of these young people I work with have degrees and have finished college and they're still chipping away at retail gigs like retail grocery. The short answer is that it's tough out there. Life is short and then you die. Here's a dull knife. 

Here's the way I see it personally. I don't look at my retail grocery job as something I do for money OR something that I do for fun, although it's definitely those things as well. Rather, I see my job as a reliable go-to safehouse that provides me social interaction, money, and good vibes. Why would anybody care about something as hippy dippy as good vibes, almost with the same tier as money? 

Well, I'm kind of a wild child hippy guitar kid from Wisconsin, so you might not "get it," or maybe there's nothing quite to get, but I think there's a strong lack of capacity for happiness going on super strong in this world, intensified a thousand times by the countless deaths and infections of coronavirus and stagnation in terms of careers and relationships. Believe it or not, being happy might be more important than getting rich, or getting the hottest wife, or 2.5 kids, or even gasp, a great career. Simply put, although we all will continue to strive for more and better, we all have to learn how to deal with less during the plague years. Painful to hear yes, hard to understand, no, difficult to put into real life practical experience, yes. 

What I lack in a real career over there is more experience than most other workers in retail. More experience in dealing with real people with real problems, and more experience in learning how to continue being happy on a daily basis. It ain't special and I'm no guru, but I am the philosopher in aisle 9.

I see my job as more of a social construct I've created through hard work and goodwill. I'm Orlando Furioso and I've created my own knight errantry story on the job. I'm my own character, complete with virtue, personality, and reciprocal goodwill to others I meet there. 

As I look over 2021 I think about the destruction of American institutions, government, the chaos and divide within the system, the civil war-esque aesthetic, the coronavirus killing lots of people still, new infections going on everyday, the lack of goodwill and generosity within this social construct, and you know what I get out of it? I see the world, and other people, much like myself. Nobody is completely happy and in every life in this world, there is a lot of suffering and pain. However, the cure is to keep chipping away and improving your capacity for happiness. Some people get it right away and you can see it on their face. Others are Debbie downers and try to get others to feel the same way or playing the crowd like a fiddle for sympathy. There's this magic forcefield within the universe, it's within yourself, and you can see it in others, "I am the walrus!" 

But what do I know? I'm just a grasshopper, you can tell by the way I walk. 

The Art of the Perfect Day

Lately, I've been writing a lot of long-winded rants about the ways of the world, making it out to seem a lot more wicked than it might potentially be. While the world is still trying to kill all of us with the threat of COVID looming over us like the sword of Damocles, embodying the very nature of pure fear and danger. It's been rough. But I think I've finally hit that sweet spot where I'm not going to bitch about how bad COVID is, and cry about how I can't hang out at Starbucks or hang out with girls at the bar. 

Consider the alternative. Positive energy, good vibes, hippie energy, essentially. This is where the Beatles come in for me. With the godlike good vibes of the Beatles, there are no limits to what you can, imagine. 

Consider how difficult it would be for you to have a perfect day. Well, I had a perfect day today. Nothing got to me and it was just lovely. I want to live every day in a positive way like this. It's like a superpower. But it isn't easy. Nothing you can do if you want to sing the blues but you know it don't easy. Every day is a constant uphill battle. But you can't let the fuckers get you down. 

Here are some tips and tricks that help me practice The Art of the Perfect Day.    

1) Read books, not articles. 

A lot of people wake up in the morning and they read the news and then follow it up with either more news articles or other articles about various subjects they're interested in. While I think reading the news is essential, I don't think you should solely only read the news, nor solely read articles. If you do, you're reading potential is sorely wasted. In fact, I would say that reading the news isn't even reading, it's just politics and keeping up to date. The sheer intellectual stimulation you get from reading a great book or even a mediocre book that interests you is so powerful that there's almost no other source like it aside from maybe something like LSD. Again, no limits to what you can, imagine. 

2) Talk to people, really talk and understand.

When you talk to people, are you really listening? Are you giving them your full attention and respect? One of the things in life that is hard to get in this day and age is a good, sentimental education. With this, you will learn to treat people with dignity and respect. You will learn to treat the janitor with the same respect as the CEO. People that don't understand this don't make it far in life; their wives leave them and take the kids, they lose their top pay CEO positions, they even fail their careers and end up unemployed or worse. You don't learn this from college and sometimes even parents don't understand or know how to teach this. It comes with wisdom, age, and experience. 

3) Relax, don't try to control everything.

Take a chill pill and mellow out sometimes. Remember that you can't control everything, especially people, their actions, and their thoughts. I've worked with a lot of managers who stress out to the point of exhaustion. This is very common. This is a big no-no in life and it holds them back, as well as making them stand out like a sore thumb. While you can't be a complete hippie freak and let your freak flag fly high all the time, you should at least know how to play it cool, so cool that nobody sees you freaking out under pressure, no matter how much pressure it is. Take your time. Do things at a reasonable pace. Don't make mistakes. But if you do, don't freak out about it, just fix it, but again, be reasonable about it. If it's a serious mistake, admit to your faults, and move on. 

4) Get a little help from your friends.

Use all your friends and family to your advantage. They're there to be there for you. Feel free to lean on them in times of trouble. Likewise, always help them whenever they need you. With a little help from your friends, you can really get by.   

5) Realize that things are getting better all the time. Sometimes you have to learn to see the sunny side of the street. People really hate being around negative people all the time. It's a fact that they are the worst. Likewise, people who are always overly positive can be annoying. But consider the fact that the overly positive person is much more likable than the negative person. The positive person has a better personality and probably has an easier time getting through their day, and consequently, through much practice in good mindsets, even has a better life.

One day doesn't change all the other days. But's it good practice. Life's a bitch, and then you die. Better make the best of it and enjoy it to the fullest. 

"The teachers that taught me weren't cool, holding me down, turning me round, filling me up with your rules. I've got to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time." 

Zen and the Art of Positive Thinking

What's up my fellow late-night readers? Today was my first day back to work after two months off. Here are some takeaways about what it was like being back in a blog titled Zen and the Art of Positive Thinking. 

First, I went to work with a strong, positive attitude. I already knew that everything had changed; the store was remodeled, everything items' placements were switched around, most of the young people were replaced by other young people, there's not really any younger women or girls my age that work in my department anymore, hours have been cut severely, and on top of that, the windows and doors are shuttered with plywood for fear of rioters and looters. Whew!

Even knowing all that, I went in thinking this will be fine, this will even be good. And it was. For the most part. I only had a few moments of weakness at the end of the night, where business was so slow that for the last three hours there were hardly any customers at all. I was so bored that I mentioned it to the security guard and the manager. "It was the most boring night of work ever."

I've never seen that happen in any place of business that I've worked at before, and I've been in the retail business for 15 years. Where most of all the customers stop coming in at a certain time. Astounding. In fact, business is so slow that the company is losing so much money that they're going to have to cut hours even more. You put that with possible rioters and looters and the COVID-19 pandemic and you have a recipe for disaster. 

So, yeah, there's all that. But where do I come in? Well, I went into work today and did the usual thing. An older coworker who knows me really well said, "You're different." I said jokingly, "Oh yeah, a lot of soul searching, good time." I played it off as a joke but the fact that she recognized that was an important moment of the day. For it was at that moment that I realized I had become more relaxed. I'm not talking as much because I don't feel I have to fill in space as much. And when I speak I only say what is needed, only going into more details if time and interest are there. Girls are more responsive. Women too surprisingly.

Second, it's not all about being a hippy and having good vibes. That's one aspect of this. It's also about the body. At my job, the work is very strenuous and if you strain yourself just a little too much doing one little thing then you're body's equilibrium gets off balance. 

I was jokingly thinking about this today at work as if I were thinking about 'nen'. Nen is an idea I got from a Japanese anime called Hunter x Hunter. Yes, this is a little silly but hear me out. 

Nen is the body's physical energy and capabilities. Differing from the mind's energy, nen is what's used to focus the body, keep it in shape, and allows you to do strenuous activities for long periods of time without using too much energy. This saves you time by allowing you to work hard in a reasonable time period, getting your tasks done more easily, while at the same time, conserving your body's energies so that not only will you not be tired at the end of the night when you go home, but you might actually be re-energized. 

Yeah, that sounds pretty wacky, doesn't it? What if I told you that nen, or something like it, is actually a real thing? Of course, you won't always feel renewed after a hard day of work. On the contrary, some nights you'll be exhausted, but the point is that you work in such a way that you're hardly ever straining your body, and your muscles are so lucid, that there's hardly anything you can't do, and it won't make you too tired when you go home at night.    

You don't have to be super athletic or strong. Simply standing up straight with no tension is nen. Breathing slow, small, shallow breaths is nen. Even breathing takes up energy. If you breathe too much too fast your body will respond in a certain type of way that is stressful and energy-consuming. Breathing is an essential and important element. "Breathe, breathe in the air," as the Pink Floyd song goes. 

Obviously, these things aren't going to save the world. But they will make your workdays a lot more manageable. Some days will be like today; essentially perfect for all practical purposes. The point is to put this to practice all the other days and not weaken. 

Back to work. The grind continues.

And Your Bird Can Sing

Hello, the world of the interwebz. I thought I'd jot down some notes after what I considered a great day. 

First of all, let me explain a bit about what I've been going through before this said great day. I almost lost my job, due to my own stupidity, initiating bad karma, and then I was really down on my luck for a couple of days. That's pretty much it. Losing a retail job might not be the worst thing in the world but technically I can't afford to go without working. Who can, given this economy? 

I came out of all those bad vibes after a few days. Today, I'm back to being on top of the world. It's like that Cream blues cover. "I'm sittin' on top of the world." I came to such good vibes on my own initiative, as I usually do. With a little help from my friends of course [The Beatles].   

First of all, it hit me that it isn't necessarily the job that I do or the money that I get from the said job that is important. My job has never defined who I am or my personality. Rather, it's the fact that I'm working hard, improving my character, and generating goodwill and reciprocity with coworkers, managers, customers, and friends that I've made through the community. I've created a vast network of people who know me through my job. Intellectuals, musicians, readers, writers, movie biz people, friends, so much out of this little job. This is a hard concept for some people to grasp considering it's just a retail gig. 

Second, all the negativity that I feel, see, hear, will always be negated by own positive energy, IF I can sustain positivity every day all the time. The naysayers will always doubt you. They are losers and they want you to become like them. Misery loves company. The only way to get through them is to practice positivity right in front of their faces. When they see that whatever they say to you will leave you unscathed, they will see you in a different light. Wau, dude! Yer a total hippie. I told you about the walrus and mean man, now here's another place you can go, man.

Third, the only person who can save you from the world is yourself. It's up to you. Everything in the universe is possible through your own sheer will. Instant karma is gonna save you or the reverse. Because of my own goodwill, I get good vibes from the universe. The reverse is true if I bring negativity in the world. It's not like my religion or anything but it's definitely true of being. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if your life isn't great the only way for it to become great is to take it all in stride with a positive attitude. Be the man with the golden smile. It takes a lot of practice but with the power of soul, anything is possible. Meditation helps. And the Beatles. And singing and playing the guitar. Who knows, maybe after a lifetime of zen practice, at the end of your life you will have attained full Zen Buddhahood. 

Tell me that you got everything you want
And your bird can sing
But you don't get me
You don't get me

Struggle and internal contradiction

Oh, that magic feeling...

Lately, I've been writing a lot of op-ed sort of blogs about life, my ideas, philosophy, my particular thought processes as of late, autumn 2019. Here's one for you: struggle and internal contradiction. 

A lot of my posts have been sort of feel-good type of things [you need to push yourself, keep going, don't quit, etc], and some of it has been sort of depressing to write about, yet also uplifting in a philosophical way, zen-like. 

There were some continuous themes. Getting older. Changes that weren't necessarily good or bad. But seem bad. Work getting harder, more physical. Being more tired. How do deal with all of this? Keeping your mindset strong rather than just positive.  Or strong and positive.

The thing about all that is that there are struggles and contradictions with regard to all of that. You have to be young to become old. If things didn't change you couldn't appreciate how good things really are/were. For work to become more difficult means you'd have to have had a much easier time at some point in the past. You have to have been full of energy [younger] before you realize you're getting more and more easily tired [older]. 

I might write/say/think one thing and yet may not completely mean it at that moment when proclaiming it. Does that mean that I really mean it? This goes into the analytical side of thought. [which is my true aim out of all these vlog type posts]  To question everything, even yourself.

Consider this: I've been more and more easily tired at work for no particular reason in particular. I was dead half my shift. Dead, as in not very responsive, overly tired, slow, prone to error. Yet, half-way through my shift today I came back from lunch and my attitude was completely changed. I was in the best mood I've ever been in at work. It manifested as me smiling a lot, laughing a lot with my co-workers, being very engaging with every customer. How does something like that happen? And how do you keep such an enlightened state going the next day, month, years, a lifetime? 

The answer could be whatever you make of it. Something just hit me, a pierce in the veil. Sitting under the bodhi tree. Could've been a result of a good lunch. Or a good reading session on said lunch. Realization of something that wasn't thought about consciously or self-consciously. Many things, one thing, or nothing at all. It's important to remember moments like these. It feels good and it was memorable work experience. I think even my co-workers noticed and reacted in kind. It was fun. Cheery. Jovial even. What do you do with this sort of realization? Anything or nothing at all I suppose. This goes to show [character] that a lot of our internal struggles and contradiction could, in fact, be something we can overcome, somehow, in our own way, on our own time, in our own condition. Perhaps I will meditate more. Ruminate on peace and love in the universe. Namaste.

Nowhere to go...

Strawberry Fields Forever

Day by day, alone on a hill...

Each day passes us by. Sometimes we have bad days that sort of bleed into all the other days,  a sort of 24/7 existentialism. Because a happened yesterday it bothers us today, in addition to b being a problem today. What helps us cope with that? How do you focus more on the positivity of being, being in the worldhood of the world? 

Plans with friends get canceled somehow five times in a row. Work gets more strenuous. Time seems to be flowing faster and faster. Your relaxation time seems to be like work. [reading, writing, guitar playing becomes a second job because it is] Instead of doing the things you want to do you end up just sleeping. Everybody's laughing, everybody's happy. But here you are. 

The easy zen answer to all this is that every day is a new day. Tomorrow is only yesterday's tomorrow. But that does not mean that yesterday bleeds into tomorrow, today, the present, the past, or the future. I would go so far as to say that you're not even the same person today as you were yesterday. A multitude of factors determines this. But mostly chemicals in the brain. 

Come together. The more you want to drift off and sulk into your own self-pity and sorrow, you need always remember that there are still caring people in the world despite the pitiful state of affairs in the world. The more you can relate to everyday people the more you see humanity, peace, and love in others, and in yourself. Come together, yeah. 

Because. We feel sad, depressed, anxious, and tired because we are human rather than machines. That is why you must find all your favorite things and enjoy life. You must sit in self-reflection, ruminate on your ideas, thoughts, consciousness, and yet still engage in the world with real, everyday people, rather than sitting in isolation, as some sort of self-proclaimed hermit or yogi. 

The reason people are positive, give off good vibes, and are happy people is because they've been working at it. There is, of course, the rare person who is just happy no matter what happens in their life. No heartbreak will destroy them utterly nor completely. They are strong in mind, body, and spirit because they've been through the bad times and came out stronger in the end, with a stronger mindset, and/or spirit. It's a beautiful thing. It's a necessary thing. 

Let me take you down, 'cuz I'm going to...

Holiday riffing and staying motivated

Yo, readers and friends! Here I'd like to riff about the holidays, and staying motivated during said holidays. 

Holidays at my job can be pretty stressful. In fact, I was elated to enjoy two days off from work this past Thanksgiving week. Normally I only get one day off a week, and that's cool with me, because more money is the best! That's the right attitude for a young guy, don't lose any of that money, get as much hours of work as you can, work hard, and earn your paycheck, like anybody else at their job. But sometimes its nice to relax. However, you don't want to be too relaxed because things have to be done-guitar playing, writing, reading, and possibly even gaming if I can squeeze it in. 

You have to stay motivated. Stay up as the 'woke' millennial kids say. For me this means getting guitar practice in almost every day (I try to only take one day off a week), posting ads to find jazz musicians to start a trio with (looking for a bassist and a horn to play straight ahead jazz), reading lots of things from novels to news, and writing blog posts like this one. Writing for the blog keeps me motivated. I get to write down all my ideas I've had in my head for a long time and unload all of it in type-press fashion via computer late at night. Its a great form of decompression, relieving stress and giving me new insight on any particular ideas. 

Staying motivated is difficult. Sometimes after a long 1 AM shift I don't feel like reading Don Quixote, Candide, or Aristotle on my Kindle (popular reads for me lately), instead I feel like falling asleep, only to miss out on what would've been great prime time reading time, in complete silence in the middle of the night where nobody will bother me or force me to go back to work (I read on every 30 minute work break to get more reading time in). 

What keeps me motivated? Music mostly. But also novels, great writing, journalism, poetry, classics, science fiction, video games, friendship, and probably last on the list-money. The holidays can be pretty brutal for most workers but I also think it helps put things in perspective. It took 28 years this holiday season before I realized that I don't need to buy luxury items I don't need, and that I should instead save my money, and only worry about getting gifts for others. The new Smash Ultimate game? I'll just play it at my friends' house. Dragon Ball Fighter Z? Been playing it at a friends' house. All those new holiday games? Forget about it. New guitar pedals or new music equipment? I should enjoy the stuff I already have more before I look into that, etc etc. (On second thought I do need a hollow-body jazz guitar)

It was my St. Francis of Assisi moment. At first I said to myself, "I don't need to buy anything for Black Friday or Cyber Monday". Then it turned into I don't need to buy anything for myself for Christmas. And now I've reached that zen state where I realize Christmas gifts for others is the only importance in addition to goodwill to fellow man.

Its a lot to think about but its also good to think about things like this. What motivates you makes you stronger. The moment you lose that motivation, and don't read, don't play guitar, don't write (in my case, yours will be different), then you're losing out on something that makes you happy. Of course there's always exceptions. Nobody wants to get stuck in a rut, reading until 4 or 5 in the morning every night--but its pretty damn fun. 

I've got to keep pushing myself. -Buckethead

Thankgiving Turkey Pardoning

The holidays are here! Which means hard work for us in retail. I looking forward to some holiday cheer and fun, both at work and at my leisure. I was thinking about possibly buying a Nintendo Switch for when Smash Ultimate comes out. Or perhaps a shiny new classical guitar? Or some crazy electric guitar pedals? I've been playing a lot of classical guitar lately, trying to learn Sequenza for Guitar by Berio. Its a super difficult piece but its doable. I'm hoping to be able to play it fluently in a couple months, maybe master it in 6 months to a year, in time to perform it in Chicago next year. 

This Christmas I feel like gifts should be nominal. I have a small family, in fact my list of friends is bigger. All I really want is maybe some interesting books and possibly some holiday days off from work. But even if all I can get is some books that's cool too. 

I've been using a lot of my blogging time writing about staying positive in tough times. Well these are tough times for Californians. Many people lost their homes to fires, they're living in air bnb's, hotels, their cars, and some in makeshift tents I presume. Its a really tough time. And to throw salt in the wound our President can't even get the name of a burned down city right ("I visited Pleasure, he sounded like a dirty old man), it was actually called Paradise. If you follow the news then you already know that our democracy is in shambles. But politics isn't what the holidays are about. 

Its about peace and love, and all that good stuff. A lot of customers at my retail job have been a lot nicer this holiday week because they realize that this is the hardest time to work for retail workers. Once you see and acknowledge that, it makes it a lot easier to focus on your job, work hard, be tired, but not be stressed out about it. Its like all these daily feel good blog posts I've been writing. In a way it makes you more zen-like. In the end the holidays can be about things and gifts. The Marxist in me sees those things as consumerist waste. But perhaps its actually more about the way you treat others, treating them the way you would like to be treated. I learned that in Catholic grammar school and its one of the best lessons I've ever learned. 

Good and Evil

 
Lately I've been inspired to write about living in a more positive mindset. How do you stay in that mode, that form of thinking? Here I'll explain. 

There's no point in positive thinking and having good 'energy' (I'm a hippy psychologist now) unless you can stick to it. I understand that sometimes people get tilted (even me), bad things happen, they get fired from work, their girl friend leaves them, they have illnesses, they're tired all the time from lack of sleep or partying, or possibly they just get in a funk randomly for no reason? No matter what happens its always difficult to stay positive. I didn't say it was going to be easy. If it was easy everybody in the world would be nice and there wouldn't be any mass shootings. But we don't live in an easy world. Nothing is free, not even your own positive thinking in your mind, it comes at a cost (time, willpower, energy), and you must work at it.

Moving forward, you could say that being a nice person is work. Being a positive person is work. And sometimes you'll stray off track, for whatever reason. The important thing is to be so self-aware that you're conscious of yourself when you stray from the path, a path I'll call the path of good and evil for the general day laborer. There are many decisions in life. Well, think of it this way. Every thought, action, and word you say can lead you in whatever ways you want, or none. Choosing to stay positive is a choice many people don't think about, or underestimate.

Why not make lemonades out of lemons? If you're in hell why not flaunt your angelic halo to the demons? If you're unhappy why don't you do something about it? Everything comes at a price, and money isn't even the most important part. People can be quite primitive and detached from a good reality, and miss the great things in life, from the smallest minuscule level to the biggest and most important things. I see this everyday in retail work in the customers as well as my co-workers. Sometimes they try to relay their primitive tendencies unto me, a sort of projection of bad content. To this I can refute them easily with simple statements. But to be a contrarian to anti-intellectuals or low educated persons isn't fun, even if its very easy to troll them. Instead its best to let these people believe what they want, even to their own detriment. Only you can save yourself from yourself and from others, people bent on their own whims and desires. Staying positive will deflect these bad actors out of your way, even if you have to work with them everyday.

Stay on the hidden path, the path that leads to thinking in a better framework, to see with lens unclouded by evil and hate. The world needs more people like this, to bring light to the darkness.