This Is Your Life on Retail: March 2022

Hello world.

 

It's been a long time since I've blogged. I've been busy dealing with the vicissitudes of life. Here I'd like to continue my dialogues about what retail work has been like at this current juncture, amidst the pandemic still going on, corrupt corporate policy and abuse, and the war in Ukraine. 

First off, a general rundown on the gig. The daily grind as a cashier at a multimillion dollar company has become much more difficult. There's not much staff to help you with, well, anything. Management is always absent from the front end so most of the time you're on your own. 

There's no baggers to help you bag the large orders that come down your line nonstop for eight hours straight. 

The union has finished up its voting for the strike authorization vote but it remains to be seen if there really will be a strike. I was skeptical about the vote to strike authorization because it seems that most of the public has given up on retail workers at this point. We need your support still and our fight isn't over even at this stage of the pandemic.  

At the beginning retail workers were heroes. The customers supported us as much as nurses even because of the pandemic. But now, the customers show us a lot more of the contempt hidden in their hearts for the unskilled labor. It's very easy to hate unskilled labor. Nowadays, there's always a yelling going back and forth throughout the day between cashiers and customers. Something about a dollar off most of the time that could be easily resolved but management will only agree to things if they just want people to go away so they don't have to deal with it. 

The union asked the company for $5, $1 extra per year for five years. Even that alone won't be enough for the workers to live on in California. The company said no, so they've been reduced to going down to $3, $1 per year for three years. That's an even worse proposal. But if they could get it, it would still be a victory for the workers and a victory is a victory, no matter how small.  

I'm not surprised by any of this. In fact, most of the stuff I mentioned here has already been mentioned in a lot of my other blogs about retail during the pandemic. 

And yet covid is still happening there and now the customers don't have to wear facemasks. Today at work, I had to work at the only cashier station that didn't have a plastic shield shielding me from customers and their maskless faces. Thanks a lot you corporate guys.

As Loki says in the show, "trust my rage." 

For those who are interested, compare this post about working conditions today with about a year ago, you can read it here.

Thank you for the support. 

The song we sing, did you know, we're listening. 

What's a brotha to do?

What's up ladies and gentlemen of the interwebz. It's been a minute since I last wrote a post. I've been on a blog/writing hiatus for a while now. The reason? A lot of work at the main retail gig mostly. Lately, I've been getting these long six-day work weeks. Eight hours, six days a week. They're exhausting but hey, I think they call that a job. 

I've been reading a lot. I recently finished The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. Nearly 800 pages! At one point I was averaging about 100 pages a day. I'm currently reading the Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer. Bring on more classics of the western canon! Brothers Karamazov is such a great work with so much gravitas that I think it deserves to be reread in a couple years if not sooner. 

The Canterbury Tales took me a long time to get into. For a while, I contemplated reading it but instead got hooked on video games for a few days. I've been playing a lot of Overwatch within my last two days off, leaving me in a kind of zoned-out, zombified, sort of state. The game is fun but it gets to be a little mind-numbing after a while. I've been in gaming limbo. Most of the time I don't play games at all but every now and then on days off, I play a lot. Missing out on precious reading time on days off.  

Actually, if I don't read pretty often [every day] my mind starts to wander and drift off into this kind of zoned-out mode. What can I say? I have to stay engaged in the literature to feel active in life. I've become such a reader that when I don't read for one-two days, I start to feel not quite like myself. Fiction especially. And philosophy. Literary essays. 

In terms of music, I've been playing weekly jazz duo jams with my friend Jason Thomas. I'll probably post some music from our sessions here at some point soon. The jam sessions have become more improvisational but I would say that we need to increase our repertoire. Especially Coltrane songs. Songs like Afro Blue, My Favorite Things, Naima, etc. 

I had a freaky moment at work during the past week where I met a music student who actually studied with my music mentor, the new music composer Frank Abbinanti. Apparently, Sid studied with Frank for five years [or more] in Chicago before he came out to California to study at Cal Art. This is pretty astounding. I was dumbstruck. This is where I get to say that I believe in God and metaphysics. What are the chances of meeting this guy? Considering that we are both from Chicago and both are mentored by Frank. Apparently, my step-father knows Sid and his father as well from when they used to run a new music orchestra. Wow! How about that? 

Having free time to write a rambling post like this has been great. In fact, I've been so tired from work lately that I haven't had the energy to turn on my laptop and write posts, let alone my usual book reviews. Instead, the last month or so I've been ranting a lot about retail, and my Marxist tendencies, as well as my arrival to class consciousness via retail work. It's a wonderful world. 

Plans for the future? Well, for one thing, I'm going to get back to my usual book review stuff. For another, I plan on going back and working on my first novel, which was written and finished a while ago, but definitely not perfect. I'm actually not satisfied with it and intend on going back to the original version, which didn't have much editing, without messing it up. My problem with my memoir initially was that I finished a rough draft and then wrote a longer, edited version. However, after going over the edited version I realized that it was edited in a wrongheaded way, forcing me to go back to the drawing board. 

Thankfully, I have the original version. Just to explain to you how different the original is from the edited version, the original version is only 50 pages, whereas the edited version is 100 pages. A lot of people have told me that I should submit it to publishers and try to get something done with it. We will see after I rework it again. 

Likewise, I want to write more short stories of a fictional nature. Science fiction and just plain, old, regular fiction. A reader must write if he or she is so inclined. I've been reading a lot of Jack Reacher [the short story collection]  so I'm inspired to write things in that vein. We will see. 

Lastly, it's not that I haven't quite had as much time to write that I haven't written anything. Rather, it's just that I've been damn tired. So tired that I haven't really been playing guitar much. I've stopped attending the bar open mics because I realized their limitations [two songs, ten minutes, buy drinks, too much $] and in fact, when I play and buy drinks there, I'm losing money and free time. In terms of music, I'm more motivated by Frank Abbinanti's musical advice and direction. In terms of writing, I'm very inspired. But sometimes you gotta force yourself to write. Even when you're dead tired. 

The holidays can be a real downer for people. This time of year is hard on workers because most people have to work during the holidays rather than spend time with their families. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. The important thing is to keep doing the things that motivate you and push yourself to get the things you want to be done. If you don't push yourself, nobody else will. 

I've got to keep pushing myself. 

Kickstart my heart

Howdy, everybody. Here I am back at it with another vlog-style post, life update sort of work. 

Work has been pretty intense. 40+ hours every week, sometimes only one day off. The holidays are here already. That's very scary for a retail worker like myself. I tried to request all the major holidays off. Not that I would actually get them off but I just had to try anyways for giggles. The pay is okay but not great. The work has become very boring. My only solace is that some of my coworkers are cool and some customers are cool. 

As a result of all this retail work experience, I've come to class consciousness. I'm not a full-on Marxist yet but you don't even need Marx and Engels to come to class consciousness. For that, all you need is struggle and contradiction [ironically also a part of Marxism sort of]. All this low-level grunt work forces you into action. You start to think about all the workers in their hierarchy. You see where you fit in and you come to realizations. Some good, some bad. Mostly bad. 

I'm this close to reading Adorno at this point. That's become my running joke lately: Retail work is so bad that it's forcing me to class consciousness. I don't really have as much time for my music, reading, or writing [that's why I haven't written book reviews for a while, forcing me to write these rants of the proletariat]. When you see how highly stratified American society is, and how the common man is treated, it forces you to wake up, to jump out of your small inner shell [my outsider musician shell], and look out into the world, and see for what it actually is. "If the doors of perception were completely cleansed, man would see the world for what it actually is." 

What do you do when you see this? Well, I'm not really sure there's anything I can do. That's just the way it is. It's possible that this entire society [America] is doomed, the government is corrupt to the core, and the environment along with wildlife is damned. Even if that was all true [I suspect it is honestly some days] is that all there is? 

"Is that all there is? If that's all there is, then let's go dancing."

Feelin' Alright

Ahoy shipmates, and welcome aboard. Lately, I've been writing vlog-style [lifestyle] posts so let's keep up in that fashion. The last two weeks I've been ranting a lot, a lot about hard work at the retail gig, Marxist theory, the stompin' upon the proletariat...blah blah blah. The truth is that within the last couple of weeks I've been feeling that work was becoming overwhelming. That the proletariat is being used and abused. Or something like that. 

I almost became a Marxist. That's one of my best jokes I've come up with recently. I was so fed up with working that I wanted to become a Marxist. Going so far as to consider spending my time reading more Marx and Engels, and Adorno, my music mentor's hero. I would say that I have a lot of Leftist influences and that my general political ideology is more aligned with that, rather than say, a pure form of straight capitalism, which we have seen now in 2019, no longer works. But that's an op-ed column for another day, wouldn't you say? 

So today rolls on by. I chilled with some friends and we did the same usual stuff. We played Smash Ultimate in three-player free for all, ate lunch, talked, and listened to some music on YouTube. I didn't take a Lyft from my friends' to work. Rather, I took the bus. The bus took about forty minutes because it was a slow bus on a Sunday, the laziest of all bus days. 

During the wait, I stood the entire time. I was mostly surveying the image of the valley canyons. I saw a customer who happened to be taking the bus and I told him how great the weather was, and how beautiful the valleys looked, and that we were lucky to live here. "Yeah, man, we're blessed." Being able to just stand around, enjoy the weather, and take in the scenery really calmed me down. It brought it all to me right there: dasein, time and being, the worldhood of the world. The important stuff I learned from Heidegger's Being and Time. Which one might say has to be experienced first before you even try to explain.

Long story short. Sometimes all it takes is a moment of self-reflection to realize how great life is, and how your impact on your world, community, etc, makes the world a better place if you will it, allow it, and make it so. "When you smile, the whole world smiles with you." It's actually true. The more upbeat and happy I am at work, the more people want to talk to me, and find out more about me. Likewise, the more gloomy I am, the fewer people want to talk to me. This goes back to a post I wrote some six months ago about how I had an epiphany about happiness, changing the way you think to attain this more often, regularly, etc. I'm no guru or anything. Rather, I am just a young grasshopper trying to attain enlightenment. 

One of the most liberating feelings in the world is being happy amongst others: family, friends, coworkers, customers, and managers. The other is being happy with yourself. Find the balance between the two and the universe seems to open up, engulfing you in a sea of happiness [or something like that lol].  "They call me mellow yellow...quite right."

It can be something simple like standing around, contemplating the canyons. Or it could be something more complicated like meditation. Whatever way you find it, when you find it, try not to lose it. However, if you do, remember you can always pick up where you last left off.  Even life has a pause button.

"When you smile, the whole world smiles with you."

Dialectics of a modern proletariat

Here we get to the crux of the matter that I was trying to get into in the last post, entitled Black Metal October, the dialectics of a modern proletariat. Oh boy...here we go. 

Clearly, I haven't read enough Marx and Engels, or Hegel to truly discourse on said subject, so instead I'll do a write up on my personal views towards the matter. 

Work is a wonderful thing. In moderation. Even when you're too entrenched for free time sometimes. I've been in the working world for some thirteen years now. It's had its ups and downs, but mostly its been the same since day one when I was nineteen years old in Wisconsin. "Same shit, different day," as the snarky co-workers like to say.  Touche.

The thing about work is that when you consider that you're going to the same place every day and working for money, that is actually a purpose-driven life [john grisham], in and of itself. That alone is satisfying enough for most people to even consider their job their actual status in life. "I'm a banker." "I'm a doctor." "I'm a cashier." "I'm a warehouse worker." And they would never even question trying to be/label themselves as something else like a guitar player [my own personal circumstance], or a writer [me again], or a painter, comedian, actor, gamer, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, mechanic, etc.  

The hardest thing about work [for me] isn't the work in and of itself. I've worked hard for thirteen years straight with only six months off. I've only been unemployed for six months since I was nineteen. Anyways, the hardest thing for me is keeping a good attitude on the job. It's always a good attitude thing on the job, as opposed to when you're off the job, because when you're off the job who gives a shit, right? 

So the question then becomes how do you stay positive in a working experience? I'm not quite sure there's any real answer to this. For me it always goes back to myself, my own inner mind, my mind's eye if you will [happy Halloween!]. As you can tell, I'm a pretty down to earth guy who's been around the block, seen some shit, met a lot of interesting 'characters', if you will. But again, it always stems back to personal experience. How do you stay happy when you're working all the time? 

The truth is I'm not really sure. But I have some basic ideas. You have to enjoy all your free time away from work to the max, 100% overload. Work hard, but play much, much harder, so hard that if people from work chilled with you outside of work they'd have no idea of the 'real' you, you're ultimate persona [don't ask, its a California thing]. 

So for me, this would include hanging out with friends, guitar playing, music listening, writing, and reading a lot, performing at open mics. If I skimp on these other things for whatever reason I can't be chipper at work, it just will not work. Why not? Who knows, I'm not a psychologist, I'm more of a philosopher, an avid amateur one at that. 

The other side of the work coin that we haven't spoken of is one of metaphysics. Because you are working at whatever job it is that you do, you are fulfilling a job that is key in the universe, you are taking a position that is important whether you know it or not. Phillip K Dick has a novel where this guy is doing crossword puzzles [or something of that nature] and without his knowledge, because of the fact that he is doing these puzzles, the government is taking his answers and using them as coordinates to help stop an alien invasion. Talk about a great concept. Consider this. Because you are doing whatever it is that you are doing in your life, you are filling a void that is missing in the universe. When you leave, that void goes unfilled and could potentially cause disorder, decay, maybe even chaos. You're actually important even if you're a pencil pusher. How about that? 

The End

And in the end...

A lot of times I think about the present and think about how it is the end. The end of what? The end of various things, from trivial matters to big, important matters. The end of a jam session, hard day of retail, a day off, a day, a year, a decade, twenty years, thirty years. A life.

I was pretty sad the other day when I found out that Ginger Baker, drummer for Cream, the second rock supergroup after the Beatles had died. He was eighty years old. He lived a full life. Yet it still got to me. Ginger has always been my favorite rock and roll drummer. Before he was in Cream, he played jazz and blues gigs with Jack Bruce. I've seen him on video playing very good straight-ahead jazz drumming styles, something akin to Elvin Jones, Buddy Rich, and Art Blakey, the best of the best in the genre. 

Ginger's death made me think of a lot of other things that have come to an end. My best friend at work got transferred to another store, a promotion for him. We still hang out but a lot less often because his work is a lot farther, and his hours have changed. On top of that, a very good friend of mine seems to be too busy to hang out. The solitude of my home life has been removed due to a new housemate. My attitude about playing open mics has changed. Sometimes I'm just not feeling it and end up not going after practicing said songs to be performed. What's the deal? 

Sometimes I even go to the extremes of going through all my intellectual reading pursuits, discussing it with people in public, and with friends, and think to myself, "What's the point? Will anyone ever care about Littgenstein's Brown and Blue Books? Heidegger's Being and Time? Descartes? The Tale of Genji? A Distant Mirror? Floating Worlds?" The obvious answer is that it might not matter if they don't care because I care, that's the only thing that matters in a sense. Of course I don't mean this in selfish way, rather, so many people are so intellectually bankrupt they wouldn't care to discuss philosophy or literature. But that's subject for another discourse. 

Things change. People change. We have to keep on going, moving on, keep on grooving. The road we travel is a solo path even if you have a wife or girlfriend. Friends are great company but I've found that most of my friends, who are mostly younger than me, are a lot more arrested than myself, meaning, that most of our hangouts consist of me babysitting in a way. It's a sad realization. At first it was, a farce, now tis but a tragicomedy. That's a Marx quote, one of my favorites. 

Now we get to the crux of the matter. Everything you love will be gone one day. Enjoy everything you can and live with no regrets. Even just living life one year ago with the different dynamics is something I miss dearly.

Everything changes but in the end the song remains the same.

Science Fiction, An Important Genre

Science Fiction (and Fantasy) is a hellova genre. Its what got me into reading a lot, turning me into a hardcore book worm. I used to read a lot of the classics around 2011, back when I was a college student. I was into things like Shakespeare, Moby Dick, Walden, and The Sound and Fury. Once I dropped out of college I stopped reading altogether for a while. Then around 2013, I started reading again, mostly inspired by science fiction.

I've read a lot of science fiction novels and short stories since then. Phillip K. Dick, Ursula K. LeGuin, William Gibson, Issac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, Alfred Bester, Octavia Butler, Douglas Adams, Neal Stephenson, you name it. I began to build a love for ideas through these writers, at first enamored with the video game-ish ideas that can come from science fiction but eventually coming to an understanding that ideas from science fiction can help me to form ideas about real life. From Dune I learned about sociology and ecology. From Ursula K LeGuin I learned about anthropology. From Robert Heinlein I learned how conservative values can impact ones' writing. From Alfred Bester I learned that writing doesn't have to be fanciful to make an huge impact. These things are important.

Science Fiction is one of the most important genres today. Sci-Fi movies and novels help shape people's ideas and development of ideas when it comes to AI, automatons in the work place, consciousness, etc. This is an important ethical dilemma. Which is where science fiction has led me.

One day I was bored and typed in on google "oldest science fiction novels". It brought me to a Wikipedia page that listed Sir Tomas More's Utopia, Francis Bacon's New Atlantis, Margaret Cavendash's Blazing World, and Kepler's Somnium.

I read Utopia and New Atlantis and didn't look back (although I want to read both of them again). At first the archaic writing style of the 1500s was super difficult to understand. However, I kept reading and reading until it eventually made "more" sense, which took quite a while and a lot of google dictionary searching. The ideas of Utopia and New Atlantis were very utopian, socialistic, and communistic. From there I read The Communist Manifesto by Marx and Engels, which I found on a pdf through google.

That's not even the end of this quest (thumbs up fantasy nerds). After I read up on some socialist/communist ideas I went even farther back to Thomas Hobbes' political economy-Leviathan, which I'm almost done with. From there I read Descartes' Meditations on First Philosophy, a collection of essays in which he aims to prove the existence of God, quite an undertaking! For a while I became influenced by his writing, and even started to live a more holy life as a result. Holy as in being a nicer person, not fucking up at work, occasional prayer, diet and exercise. However, I am by no means religious. But the writers from the 1500s and 1600s who inspire me were mostly highly educated men from the Catholic schools.

Once my dad saw I was reading all of this without a context he recommended a great primer for me, which was Bertrand Russell's A History of Western Philosophy. This book has everything, as in every great idea of man and their originators from early man all the way to Marx and Engels. Russell is not only a philosopher who understands ideas but he's also an engaging writer that knows how to write in a highly educational way without being too technical, meaning anyone can understand if they put in the time and the effort. He's a mathematical person, this is very rare to find in people who are overly mathematical. The Russell book gave me a context for all the philosophy I was reading and will continue to read. If you read this book you will know more about ideas than most of the people you will run across in the general public. It was a great feeling once I finished it, its an 840 page book.

I also read classicist Madeline Miller's two novels Circe and The Song of Achilles, two books based on Greek mythology. From there I learned that I don't have to read fiction/nonfiction standard prose. I started reading the actual Iliad and from there started reading epic poetry of the Western canon. Now I'm reading Milton's Paradise Lost and Dante's Inferno. Although Miller's work isn't science fiction, not quite fantasy, it might as well be because its so highly unusual. Poetry is something I want to explore more of now.

Now we've completed the quest and earned some experience points. The point here is that science fiction has led me to the important things in Western literature. Its one of the most worthy genres out there despite what some people might say. A reader I was conversing with told me, "Science fiction gets a lot of shit but its done much for literature." I couldn't agree more.