Aw Snap, Here We Go Again

Hello world, 

Things are moving forward, but things are volatile. It's like a caffeinated squirrel running around a funhouse of mirrors. You really never know what you're going to get. That's where we are right now. I'm mostly speaking in terms of the bigger picture, not just my own individual life. Here I'd like to jot down some notes on what's going on, what I think is the answers to it or possible answers, and just a general outlined update on what I've been up to and what I've been working on. 

First, the turmoil surrounding the larger story arc of the world, Russia vs Ukraine, but right now I'm especially worried about the turning point in the middle east, as we have the Israelis causing chaos there. I believe the Israelis are causing all this damage right now because they are trying to force the US into a large scale war inside the middle east, and, this part is very important, they want to try to force a Trump victory this November because they know Harris won't support Israel's proxies and killings. The best thing we can do is deescalate and not send troops to the middle east. 

In addition, there's more to this of course. I believe the disconnection between Americans has become so great that not only is democracy at risk, I believe that in a way, the citizens have already lost, regardless of whoever wins the election. Walk outside your door on any day and you can see, think, feel, hear, and maybe even smell the differences between everyone and everyone within every facet of life that you may encounter on any other day. And guess what? Almost all of those people see other Americans in this divided categorical way. Why? Because that's how this country has made their impact upon them, especially foreigners but also just average Americans. We need to keep moving forward and learn to see each other as human beings, not as these divided categories. 

Second, the disintegration of community within this country. Look around you everywhere you go. Everyone is all looking at something different; a different smartphone screen, a different political ideology, a different style of music, a different tribe in any and every way. This is almost too good to be true. How can a country be so mindlessly cast apart and separated as people? This is a question one should not answer, as I think there are many variables; infinite mass amounts of information, infinite mass amounts of bad and/or false information, and divide division and conquer tactics used by the boogiemen [like Trump and Maga Republicans] who are counting on their supporters to be a stupid b lazy c never change their opinions even though they know they are bad and/or wrong and harmful to their communities. 

Third, look at your own personal life for more examples of what I'm describing. I work at a grocery store where the division of work is highly routinized. There are clear divisions and separations between the hierarchy of the workplace. For example, on the front end where I work, there are from lowest to top; baggers, combos, cashiers, sales managers, front end managers, co-director, and store director. You find once you become ensconced in this line of work that there is a clear division and hierarchy. The managers at my store never once tried to lift me up and get me promoted for years even though I've stayed a very long time and showed my loyalty to the company through hard work, good work, and some customers may have even said that I've even had good cheer and all that good stuff. 

The problem is that through these divisions not everybody wants to see you succeed. In fact, a lot of people out there want to see you fail and lose everything; your wife, your children, your girlfriends, your job, your stuff, hour apartment, your home, everything. I've found that in particular, sales managers, front end managers, and co-directors especially have more than sometimes used their power to bring me down, take away privileges, write me up for bogus things, and in general try to get me not promoted to keep getting higher in the company. Why do you think that is? The answer lies in the psychological nature of the divided moment we live in. Even my co-director wants to see me fail, even he sees that because he is who he is with a better job and much more money and higher status, that whatever he says go and if I don't like it I would have to leave, and he doesn't see me as a good, hardworking, loyal employee, rather he wants to see me fail, and I would like to see him fail as well. 

Lastly, what does this mean? This means that the world that's described by the people you know or watch on TV or see on a smartphone or webpage screen is just one part of it; their world, but what is your truth, your story? No matter what ideological background that you originate from, most smart and good people want to bring more good to this world and keep working very hard to keep it good. But not everybody wants that. Like me, you might have a boss that wants to see you fail. I can respond by making his life hell in any way I can, but therein does not lie the true answer. The answer lies in fighting the good fight, fighting for what you believe in, and fighting to the very end. Those people out there, like the hateful boss, they want to see you fail, they want to see you give in to despair and become like many others or even themselves, who have given up with their lives in despair. Your life might not be great or even good right now but nothing lasts forever, even happiness. You might have to surprise yourself by how much fight you have in you, that you're actually made of much tougher stuff, and if given the chance, you would trounce any and all of your enemies in one attack like a ferocious lion. 

Take on thy sword of the spirit and fight on. Metaphorically speaking of course. Give them hell or worse. Replace their system with your own system, be more than a leader, be a creative leader.

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse Virus pt. 10

It's 2021/11/9 evening. Covid is still running strong after nearly a year and a half of divisive health guidelines from doctors and politicians, and misinformed idiot citizens who don't want to be vaccinated. Our government is run by two parties, one of which denies climate change and has rallied the Trump demagogue to vote Republican, no mask, no vaccines. Jobs are hard to come by, good pay and benefits have gone up in an era where its a struggle to get people back on track on a working career in their respective fields. Climate change and global warning is a hot boiling point issue but the worlds powers can't seem to get it together. A billionaire nerd plays with the idea of ending world hunger. 

Is this what I thought being an adult would be like when I grew up? Is this some sort dystopian fiction novel? No, but indeed there are some similarities. Here I want to get into more of the nitty gritty on life during the pandemic, working in a grocery store, and how I've been dealing with the pandemic on those terms. 

Life during the pandemic has been an easy transition for me. I wake up early in the morning, I go to work, I come home, I have recreation time for reading, guitar, and friends, and I rinse and repeat. It's quite the good life, as I pretty much get to do whatever I want, provided I make sure to get to work on time in the mornings. Evenings are always free to do whatever. 

Work has been more intense than home life. Working on the job has its stress but the added traffic of extra customers since the pandemic has given most of the staff more than they can handle. We have limited employees at any one given time and on top of that, there's high turnover, and it's been difficult to get new hires to stay and/or keep hiring more new employees. It really is a conundrum getting people, anyone, to work these grocery store retail jobs these days. The peoples who usually stay are young people who live with their parents, young people who go to college, and middle aged people who have been in retail their whole lives. In short, we don't have enough help and can't keep the help we do get.  

My personal role at the store has become more streamlined and my job itself has become a lot easier. So in that sense I can't really complain too much.

How have I been dealing with the pandemic? I read a lot of books, I listen to a lot of music, I play a lot of guitar, writing more blogs now and then, and I text and hangout with friends occasionally. To be honest, it's an amazing life and I'm really lucky I get to do these great things I love to do. My job surprisingly gives me a lot of freedom in my recreation hours to truly become inspired, come alive, and be myself. That won't happen in the world or retail. You have to make the time to build and develop an interior life outside of the working hours on the job.

Weather it's through my guitar playing, reading, or writing, I can truly say that I'm never really bored. There's always something new to learn, something new to explore, new avenues to travel along. This gift of curiosity has led me to learn jazz guitar, listen to the classical music canon, and read the western canon.  

In a time when people are really struggling I'm thriving, for now, praise be to God. When I look back at this time in the future, I can say that I had a great life during covid. Amen! 

Also check out my covid plague journal! http://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html

I don't know about you, But I'm feeling 22

Good evening ladies and gentlemen of the internet, 

It's been another birthday. I don't know about you, but I'm feeling twenty-two. That's what I said when I lost in black jack. I'm actually about a decade older than that but isn't age really just spirit, daesein? Yes, I'm feeling another year older, and yes it's harder to wake up early in the morning, and yes it's more tiring being on my feet at work all day, and yes I've got lots of laundry to do, and yes all my relationships are like a chess game, etc. But in the end I still feel like a young grasshopper, a mere sapling awash in the pools of the universe, awaiting the wheel of fate. 

I spent my birthday weekend in Las Vegas with friends. The trip itself wasn't remarkable but I had a lot of fun playing black jack, baccarat, and roulette with friends, learning it on the fly, as well as some slots as the casino. My favorite meal was a Monte Cristo sandwich. The bread had the texture of fried chicken. I would take a bite and then drink some coffee to go with it. 

There were three metaphysical moments I experienced over that birthday weekend in Vegas. 

1) On the drive there, when we left California and entered into Nevada, there were these dust storms and doom-inspired mountains. A sign on the highway read Shoshone. When we passed that landscape and that sign, I had some kind of meta moment in time. Something about the land or something. 

2) On the drive back there was a car accident on the road leaving Nevada and going to California. This is probably a big drinking/smoking in the car road. Anyway, so this car gets into an accident and the car is completely totaled, especially the front end and the car seat was crumpled/crushed into itself, meaning this person was killed instantly on impact. It really is the city of sin, for I saw Death himself, staring back at me from the abyss. 

3) On the last day the guys wanted to go to a antique shop to look around. I stayed in the car with the window down and did a lot of reading and got some rest. I was in that state between wakefulness and intense sleep, meanwhile the weather outside was going from sort of hot to more mild coolness and breeze in the mid afternoon hours. It was the most relaxing part of the trip. 

As if that wasn't enough, as soon as I got back, on the next day's morning, I had an 830am-5pm shift, right back into the saddle again, ad infinitum. 

But you know, I'm feeling good. I said a prayer for the deceased in the car accident, did some meditating in the car, and turned on Handel's Water Music to vibe out to something flowery. And you know what? Life is good. I'm older but I still feel young. Covid is still raging but I'm healthy. My house is in order: I'm reading books, I'm playing guitar, I have a for work life and a for fun lifestyle that most people would be jealous to have or can't have because they're busy doing other things like trying to make ends meet. Most people are stuck in obligations at work or have kids, or both, and meanwhile, I'm out here trying to figure out how I'm going to get Korean spicy spare rib soup for dinner or how I'm going to manage to find time to finish the Ring Cycle. 

The world from say 2004-2021 went through a drastic cataclysmic change. I cannot see the world in the same way as it was say in 2004. Covid has created a new system in which we have to learn to find a new way to life. That's really all we can do. 

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling twenty-two.

Autumn Leaves [in the key of A major]

 

So this is what you call sushi?

Autumn is upon us! This is one of my favorite times of years because it represents the changing of the seasons, the Four Seasons, like the famous Vivaldi piece. This is a good time of year. It always reminds me of childhood and growing up in the Midwest. Memorial Day and this tie dye shirt I always wore. It represents to me schooling, learning, coldness, newer and more crisp air around me. It's also my birthday at the end of the month. 

At this point in the pandemic if you haven't become used to quarantine and haven't found a new way to live within this new paradigm, then you're very far behind. It's a time of healing, renewal, learning, growth, spiritually, mentally, physically, all of it, it's kind of a big deal! Get with the program if you haven't heard that the bird is the word.  

I've become entranced in my own activity. Although I have friends and hang out with them, it is really only within myself that I feel the Muse at its strongest and best. The muse is simply what keeps you going in your life. What do you really enjoy? Do that thing a lot. And find other things like it. And so on until you find what you find fulfilling in life. It could take 10,000 hours, it could take forever, or it might never happen if you don't search for your own meaning. 

I've been playing a lot of jazz guitar and have found some improvement in the jazz playing genre. A steep learning curve was simply just playing different chord voicings over the same chords as substitutions. Nothing fancy but it keeps the beat going and sounds super straight ahead. In a guitar/saxophone only duo it works really well and keeps us grounded within the saxophone solos. 

I've been reading a lot as well. My goal for this year on Goodreads [https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/56122996-og-space] was to read 50 books, but a las, it's getting nearer and nearer the end of the year and right now I'm only at 34 books. We'll see what happens. I recently finished reading Ulysses by James Joyce and right now I'm reading Plato Dialogues selections, an old copy from an old man, a customer I met at work. He gave me his copy of this Plato book [as well as my copy of Ulysses, which I specifically asked him for], it's from 1927, the Modern Student's Library, Philosophy Series. I've been getting a lot out of the book and I've been spending time ruminating on the various ideas within the dialogues. Sitting beneath the warmth of the fire.  

I've also been eating very well but also making sure to eat and live in a healthy way. Food has been one of the best things in the world to me [lol] and I've been very lucky to live in California where the cuisine is literally everything and anything I want, reasonably within affordable price ranges. 

Another great place for food was Chicago, I used to love Chicago hot dogs, polish sausages, hot Italian beef sandwiches, and pizza Chicago style with real bulk sausage instead of diced sausage. It makes a big difference folks. 

Last night I had a superb meal at our favorite Korean restaurant, I had the ginseng chicken in hot broth. You add salt to the broth for flavor or you can eat it as is, which is pretty bland, but very delicious. Not only that but a customer gave me a Persian dish the other day at work and I ate it for my lunch. It was small pastries with meat inside them, they reminded me of pate, which my great Aunt used to make when I was a youngster. The stories within food is incredible and it'll keep you inspired till the end of time. 

Keep hitting those high notes! 

Covid Versus Retail, Fall Edition

Hello all, 

Thought I'd jot down some general thoughts about what's been like working at the market during this point in the pandemic, this far into it. 

It's been a long time coming. This virus will not turn on the breaks. It will take more and more lives. Working retail at the market is getting more fatiguing. Sometimes it feels like the customers really don't give a shit about the workers anymore. Yes, there are still some customers who like and support us so called 'essential workers', but the vast majority are people who see us as beneath them. The only purpose we have is to serve them, in their eyes. 

Yeah, working retail during COVID has become very dark very fast. The stress can destroy you. If you have health problems the stress will hurt you even more. Not to mention you'll be so much more irritable. I've seen it in most of my friends and coworkers. The most important thing now is to keep your sanity, save your health, and find a way to live with or without happiness. Can you manage that? If not, you're in trouble.

In terms of health and safety, my job isn't doing so great. They stopped giving masks to employees because it was cutting into their cost. Which means that we have to provide our own masks out of our own pockets. In addition, most of the time, nothing is cleaned, leaving a never-ending smear of germs on nearly everything that's touched. God to honest truth, I'm shocked we haven't had a more serious COVID problem, although there was two cases in the beginning of the pandemic. 

Thing are taking a sinister turn with this virus and the sword of Damocles hanging over our heads, [the election]. Do the things you love and really try to find a way to live, with or without happiness. The next three weeks are very important in terms of COVID and the state of this great lodestar state. Remember, this is a battle for the soul of this nation. If we lose, then everything that's good and righteous will be cast into the fire. Goodbye peaceful protesters, hello white supremacist militia groups. The voice of the American people will be heard. If they choose Trump again, and the COVID response remains lackluster, say goodbye to some of your loved ones. 

It doesn't get much worse than this. The Trump demagogue has become a true death cult. The brutal murder of George Floyd, the death of Herman Cain, the Rose Garden ceremony, and Trump Rallies confirm this.

October 1st, 2020, Thoughts

So, here we are, 2020, October 1st. Let me start that by saying it's a blessing all of us reading this are even alive today. As of this writing over 200,000 Americans have died due to COVID and it's expected that at least 400,000 will die by the end of the year, and those are considered "good numbers". Grim to say the least. Tonight I will jot down some ideas on life, politics, work, music, reading, writing, a little bit of everything to show some appreciation for the fist day of October. Happy Halloween folks!

The reaction on the internet today is mostly praise or disavowal of the Presidential Debate last night. Most of my Facebook feed was disavowal but you can imagine that some of my right-wing friends were praising the President. It easy to see that Trump would never condemn white supremacist groups, in fact, I believe he's only condemned white supremacy once as President, and he only did so when he was asked three times, and said it with no conviction. 

So we know that Trump is a white supremacist. We know that he likes the fact that these right-wing militia groups support him. He will use them as force if necessary to quell violence between right-wing racist groups and leftist protesters who get a little too aggressive, maybe Antifa or BLM. He would be cool with using the Proud Boys as an intimidation tactic in black and brown communities to get people to steer clear from their voting stations, so they can't vote, so they can't vote for Biden, and so they [Proud Boys] can undermine American democracy. Yes, we know all that. 

So it seems fair to say that we don't need to spend much air time on national TV news talking about how much of a racist he is and how he won't condemn right-wing white supremacy groups. Another thing we know is that most Americans are middle of the road. They aren't entirely overly left-wing or right-wing, they're mostly moderates in middle class or lower middle class. The one thing I don't get is how upset and/or surprised white people are over the, "stand back and stand by," which is a military language. 

Dear white people: 

Stop being surprised by Donald Trump. We all know what the man is about, what he stands for, and how he's corrupted every aspect of American government and organizations. That's why his cronies are trying right now to jump off the sinking ship. Former Trump supporters and government officials are trying to get Biden elected. That's very telling. We, collectively, as a nation, as a body politic need to stop being surprised by what Trump does and come together as a country to elect a real leader, in this case, Biden/Harris. 

The more airtime that Trump gets on TV and/or online news for being a "race-baiting, xenophobic bigot," the more we see that he's a disgusting monster. The problem is that's all old news. If people keep thinking like that, they'll say, "this is why I hate politics, I'll stay clear of all that shit, I don't need to vote," and that's how he will get lots of more votes because he will make good people think that politics and voting isn't for them. Obviously those people are intimidated and will be fearful about taking action by voting against him. I know lots of people like this in my friendship groups. It is what it is. 

But we have to stay vigilant. It's much harder being a good man than an evil man. Nobody ever said having a democracy would be easy. That's why we're here. 

In other news I had a great jam session with my friend Jason, who plays the alto saxophone. I'm beginning to get a better feel for jazz guitar. I realized in a simple jam that if I play a lot of simple triad [chords that are only three notes] but use a lot of inversions, that I can get that real authentic jazz guitar sound from the 50s. Instead of relying on big chords all the time I need to play more triads to play smoother and faster chord inversions. Chord inversions are the sounds of the same chords but the notes are re-arranged. On piano it's a little more tricky to play but on guitar there's a physicality to it, a formula form, if you will. It's all shapes, chord shapes that every guitarist knows, but maybe haven't played extensively before. 

Also, I've learned to tighten up my solos more. I start with a slow melody, expand upon it, get some speed in there, and end it with some more melodies. I'm beginning to tell a story with my solos, a beginning, middle, and end. Things make a lot more sense that way rather than playing everything fast. Heck, I think jazz guitar solos sound better when they're slower anyways because its more bluesy, and I think it meshes more with the saxophone if I don't shred that much, if at all. A more moderate, medium tempo for the licks gives it much more form, in my humble opinion. 

In other news, I'm about 100 pages away from finishing Tolstoy's War and Peace. This novel took so much out of me on an emotional level and a philosophical level. I thought a lot about love, misery, despair, existentialism, war, brotherhood, wife-hood, and much more. What made War and Peace so difficult for me was not the fact that its 1200 pages long; rather it was the fact that every sentence is somewhat thought provoking, every line-paragraph-page-chapter-book kept making me think a lot, more and more, even when I wasn't reading the novel. It's a powerful force. I will definitely read the book Tolstoy considers his first real novel too at some point: Anna Karenina. But War and Peace is unforgettable. Most of the readers I run into at work say that they've never managed to read it, either out of intimidation of the challenge of such a long emotive work, or possibly they think the 1200 pages much too long. The book is worth the time and effort to read it and it reveals much. I'll be sure to write my last post about it tomorrow or sometime thereafter. 

Work has been much slower this year due to COVID. In most of my years working this current job, I was working over 40 hours a week due to being the go-to guy who helps out and covers other peoples' shifts. But due to COVID the store has cut down most employees' hours so much that most of the emergency staff hired from the beginning of the pandemic have already left or quit, most of them did so after only a month or two of work. It's crazy that the company is cutting hours so much even though my store is a million dollar store [its like LAX, you'll run into everybody and anybody there] and they're doing very well there, they decided it was the time to cut hours and not give workers more pay. As for me, I can still pick up extra hours here and there but it seems like for now my hours will stay pretty low but steady. I've realized that most people are hurting from COVID, they're unemployed and relying on unemployment. Lots of them are going to food banks to get food to feed their families. The hard thing for me to do has been to find a way to live with less money and spending less money. But the more difficult problem for so many Americans is how do you find a way to live during COVID without a job? Or also, how do you find a way to live during COVID if you're working from home, stuck with your family and kids all day? There's a whole discourse to be talked about on the subject for sure.  

Lastly, its October 1st and it was 100 degrees today. Let's hear it for California! October is a great month because its right after my birthday and I've always loved Fall and Fall weather. Halloween is always a fun holiday, as it's really the beginning of the regular holidays after the high Jewish holidays. 

I end with a jest. Lucifer [Milton's Lucifer] gave rock and roll to you down at the crossroads. Happy Halloween!

September Feels

September is my favorite month. Why? A lot of people I know seem to have birthdays in September, including my father, myself, and many kids I went to school with. I also like October because its the following month after, and my birthday is five days right before. I also just love the season of Fall, when the leaves fall off the trees, burning a red and orange color. I want to take the time here to jot down some general thoughts during this time period. 

There's a lot going on right now. Today was rushashuna so it was a busy day at work [luckily I worked a short late shift]. There's something about the Jewish holidays, and this one in particular that I find to have significant importance, at least for myself. Perhaps because it's near my birthday, but for some reason I always know when rushashuna is happening and I even have memories of this particular day in September going back to high school and middle school. 

Perhaps because some of my teachers were Jewish and they went out of their way to explain to us students the significance of this holiday, and what it meant to them. I'm definitely not a religious person by any means but I think it's important, and interesting that I put a certain significance to this particular Jewish holiday. I was in a cooking class back in high school, perhaps junior year when I first learned about rushashuna. The teacher was a short woman, I can still remember her plump white hands as she would show us how to bake cookies. Of course, the holiday has a significance like no other in the Jewish calendar, as it represents God's creation of the world. 

On top of that today the Notorious RBG [Ruth Bader Ginsburg] died at the age of 87. Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg was definitely going to pass away soon as 87 is very old age and she had gone through multiple cancers and somehow still survived and lived to do much more good work, after a lifetime of work dedicated to equality and justice in America. She's an American hero, a legend that will never be forgotten. 

The problem though is that we're 40-something days before an election and now because of her death, the Republicans [led by McConnell] will probably fill her Supreme Court seat with a conservative judge. Yeah, because that's exactly what America needs right now, another conservative Supreme Court pick chosen by Trump, after they already got their rapist Supreme Court pick with Kavanaugh. It just leaves a bad taste in your mouth that they got him, now they'll get another conservative pick? The only thing left to do is to make sure you all go out and vote, and vote Democrat because as Hillary Clinton said, "these people only care about power, not about what's good for the country, or the future." Well said indeed. 

On top of that we're all also dealing with COVID-19 still. America still has the highest deaths and the most infections. At this rate we're going to go over 200,000 deaths very soon. That is very scary. Nearly 200,000 Americans have died from COVID-19 when there is no reason that should've happened. We didn't do the testing. We closed and opened up too fast and too soon.

People aren't heeding the warnings and are still gathering and partying even though the pandemic is still going strong. We think we've already gone through the first wave but the fact of the matter is that we're still in the first wave. I seriously blame Trump's bad leadership for some of the deaths but the reality is that COVID would've decimated us either way, however, I do believe that Trump could have handled it better. We are Americans and we can handle the truth; instead Trump downplayed the virus and made his supporters think we were safe when we're all in danger. And for that, he should never be forgiven, lose the election, and be sent to jail for crimes against the State, some of which was addressed in the Impeachment Inquiry and the Mueller Report. 

Even more we have the 2020 Election coming up. A lot of Democrats, moderate left-wingers, and plain regular folks have been uneasy about this election. They were expecting Hillary to win in 2016 [what a blow to feminism that was] and now they see that they don't have a perfect or ideal candidate [Biden] so they're a little uneasy. I'm a little shaky on this election. This is the most important election in my lifetime so far. Democrats can't afford to blow it. 

However, I also realize that important life changing events have happened that have pretty much guaranteed that Trump will lose. Of course I don't know if its a guarantee but I believe these events are so important that they will make an impact, hopefully forcing Trump out of office this election. The events are as follows: The murder of George Floyd caught on video, the outrage of police/citizens killing and using extreme force against black and brown people, the mass protests for said outrage [where whites and blacks took to the streets even though they could've caught COVID], COVID-19 itself and its mismanagement by the Trump administration, and the Trump administration's misuse, mismanagement, and disruption of American democracy. These things are life changing for every American and they are so bad, so utterly terrible that I believe Trump can never recover from it. Let's certainly hope so. 

Finally, I realize a lot of this is out of my control and must take care of myself. I spend most of my time reading. I read the news less these days but watch the news almost every day. I'm halfway through War and Peace by Tolstoy and am truly enjoying it. I find solace in the superb story telling of a great Russian writer such as Tolstoy. 

As each day goes by I realize that the material world is not for me; I spend less and less time on the computer and spend more time reading, writing, and playing the guitar. If I ever get anywhere in this world, it will be through those pursuits. Even if the world is burning outside, I know that inside myself, there is a spiritual place, a path resides therein, to make your way in the world, and out, where no evil can touch you.

Summer's [almost] gone

Summer's [almost] gone. We are in the midst of autumn. My favorite season of the four seasons, Vivaldi style. Obviously, I enjoy Fall because of my father and my own birthday, which just past on September 25th. But there are other reasons why I love Fall. 

Fall is the season of change. New beginnings. The same old humdrum routine feels different somehow even though I've already been here before, maybe even a thousand times, metaphorically speaking, of course. I'm working in a similar job that I've always worked at during Fall. The same old things remind me of old memories and experiences even though everything is slightly different. Variations on deja vu, if you will. 

I remember lots of things from Wisconsin and my last visit to Chicago two years ago. The leaves in the midwestern streets, thousands of them, littered all over, sometimes burnt in firepits, but most of the time just swept into the streets, for cars to pass them by, and shuffled into the air. The variations of colours on the leaves vary from bright, dark oranges, to reds, to browns, to dirty black. The crisp cold California air that comes in October and November. Skateboarding home from school in 70-degree temperatures to the Wisco house. 

The more I remember the more I think and ruminate on all of it. It's a work of beauty, majesterial. I'm older, different, but still slightly the same, the song remains the same. 

In terms of business its the beginning of the holiday season, which means sales, sales, sales. I've learned to control my spending habits and not waste money frivolously so I'm already much more prepared for the holidays than I was any other year of my life. The big difference here is that I'm not a consumer anymore. I just buy clothes and food. I don't need any more guitars or video games. I don't need much of anything. There comes a time when a man realizes that he should only buy what he needs. A 21st-century schizoid man has what he doesn't need.

Work reminds me of other past work experiences. Different people remind me of other people I've worked with. The young girls always remind me of other girls. The guys too. California retail is a blessing because I used to have a much harder time getting to and working at places in Wisconsin. But there's definitely an air of "I've been here a thousand times before," every time that I clock into work, every time I talk to a co-worker, every time I talk to a customer, the feeling that never goes away, during the Fall.

Perhaps this is just the worldhood of the world. Either way, summer's gone. C'est la vie. 

An ode to my twenties

I just turned thirty years old on September 25, 2019. It's been a great life, full of peace, and love, and happiness, as Hendrix used to say. I feel like all the time spent in my twenties went to good use. I've really come into my own as a person, a man, a brother, a son, an employee, a friend. Thirty is the beginning of the next phase of life where I'll strive for success. And keep up the good stuff. However, I can't overlook the great soul searching that took thirty years. 

First of all, living in California under the tutelage of my stepfather has changed me a lot as a person. For the better. I started reading a lot of books and it turned out that I love reading. As a result of reading a lot, I've turned to writing a lot as well. As a matter of fact, I've been writing this blog for the last six years, how long I've been living out here in Cali. Not only did I take up the reading habit but I've also learned to look inwards towards myself, and become more soft-spoken, and develop an interior life away from my friends, work, and family, leading me to become more confident and more assertive.

My attitude about life has improved a lot. Work doesn't seem like a chore anymore. Rather, it is an interactive experience where I get to interact with the being, worldhood, of the world, something I picked up from Heidegger, from his philosophical opus, Being and Time. I've developed a zenlike attitude in most things. "There is neither praise nor blamed attached." 

Dad: This is all psychological but the older you get, the faster time goes. This goes without being said. It's a feeling, a dasein, if you will, [also from Heidegger, dasein, is related to "being there", "presence"] The feeling somehow kicked into overdrive over the last two days of being thirty. I've come to maturity. Not within the last two days. But over the last ten years. The sense of knowing that you don't have time to do everything you want to do in your day. Therefore, you eliminate all the unnecessary activities in your day, and you only do the things that really matter to you. For me, this would include guitar playing, keyboard playing, jamming with my saxophone playing friend, reading, writing, working, and the occasional hangout. I've figured out that I have no time for gaming really. It's just unrealistic to fit gaming into 24 hours when there are so many other more important, worthy pursuits, such as music, reading, and writing. 

My advice for youngsters: Find what you love and focus on that. Eliminate all frivolous activity. Chill with friends and make as many friends as possible. But in the end, you might find out that your friends need you more than you need them. Find solace in solitude and seek/contemplate/ruminate on silence and inner being. Read what interests you to get you into reading, then start reading everything you can: including the Western canon, philosophy, fiction, nonfiction, history, music, art, etc. Learn as much as you can. Be more patient than everyone you know. Make every interaction a good experience. On all of your bad days remember that there is still peace and love in the universe no matter how bad you have it.

An ode to my twenties.