March Madness

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. How's it been? I've been silent on the writing since the new year. I feel the need to write as an outlet because I believe reading and writing is the greatest tool for communication as a medium. Sure, I talk to friends and family, but you just don't get to really say everything you want to say with friends and family. That's why I've had this blog for so many years. The blog is a good outlet not only for creativity but also to say everything I want to say. I haven't really been too busy or anything, but I do think I had some slight writer's block that lasted all of February. But I've been good. I've been reading, working, and tonight I was playing guitar and electronic keyboard, just practicing, and improvising. 

I've been on a roll since the new year 2026 reading a lot of books. So far already since January I've read 10 books: The Mammoth Hunters [by Jean M. Auel], Van Gogh The Passionate Eye [Pascal Bonafoux], Plato's Symposium, Caesar's War on Gaul, Lolita by Nabokov, Words of Wisdom, The Nibelungenlied,  Cousin Bette by Balzac, The New Grove Mozart, and Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. I'm also currently reading The Portable Medieval Reader and A History of China. My reading has stayed mostly in the realms of fiction, non-fiction, western canon but I will sometimes still read science fiction, more modern day science fiction as well as the golden age sci fi stuff. 

All the reading has been keeping me sharp and keeping me going. The state of our country isn't good and now all of a sudden we're on day 5 in a war against Iran with our partner Israel. What does reading all these great books of the western canon tell you about the political nature of the times we're currently living in? As Hegel would put it, "We learn from history that we don't learn from history." As bad as Trump and the MAGA Republican tinfoil hat crowd are, we have seen this before and we have been here before. 

Even this war against Iran. We're shooting at them with all these airstrikes and we're hoping for a regime change with no boots on the ground as of yet, which is unheard of and has never happened before. Well, this scene looks a lot like Bush's declaration of war in Afghanistan, but at least Bush got approval from Congress to go to war. With Trump, he declared it and we were instantly in war. It's an interesting time to be alive in the United States, being someone of my age, of my education, of my economic and social class. 

You see, you could argue that Americans like me, American citizens with good education, good family structure, they're doing okay economically, they're eating well, they're exercising, they're getting entertained, they have friends and family, they read books, etc, well you might say that Trump, what Trump does, and the new war against Iran, maybe it might not affect them as much as you think. 

The reality is that the Trump regime has had a profound influence on practically every facet of American culture, politics, entertainment, and governance. I believe, personally, that ever since President Trump was elected, since even the first time, American culture has largely degenerated and gotten worse and worse. I could even see it among the largely minority employees and management at the retail grocery job I worked at for years. You could see that because they loved Trump and praised him, they wanted to become like Trump, which included becoming more hateful and full of cruelty towards others around them. For them Trump wasn't just a symbol of American conservatism, he was the example to show them that it was okay to be a racist, to be hateful, to be cruel, and show it anywhere and anytime they wanted. Yeah, it was that bad there folks. That was just a market. Imagine how people who love Trump would act in a mob [January 6], or in Congress as leaders in the White House. Houston, we have a problem.

Which brings us to the end of February 2026, a new war with Iran. This war is like the perfect foil for Trump because he was already in trouble for the killings of two US Citizens with his gestapo-esque police force ICE [Rene Good, and Alex Pretti who were called terrorists by Kristi Nome leader of Homeland Security] and in addition Trump was in trouble for his too close ties to child trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. Also, there's the fact that the economy under Trump has slowed down a lot, there's a lot less jobs, food and gas prices are very high, and companies are putting more and more money and effort into AI [stupid idea] when in reality, Americans are struggling to pay rent, eat well, and find a job that gives them enough cash to live in a house or apartment. Trump's problem as President as always, has been affordability, as Democrats would say. Trump inherited a robust economy from Biden, and now when you go to Fatburger you're paying $24 for a burger, fries, and a soda. 

It almost seems at times like what Trump does is seemingly random. Which makes you wonder what is really going on in this world, what systems are controlling what's going on behind the scenes. For example, you notice how not once has Trump pushed back against Putin despite Putin's war crimes against Ukraine. So it makes you wonder, what does Putin have on Trump? Is Trump really a pedophile rapist like the newly reported story said? If its true, then we have to seriously discuss and decide what kind of a country we are and what kind of a country we should be. Because if we allow a guy who's done that to be our President and get us into a war then we have fundamentally failed as a democratic experiment. 

It helps to be somewhat of a cynic right now. In a way, to stay informed, you pretty much have to read the news every 24-48 hours or watch the news on TV daily, just to stay up to date on basic information, but in reality, you still have to question everything, not only Trump and his administration and their actions, but also the news and media itself, as well as yourself. Henry David Thoreau has this great quote where he says all the news stories are all things that have happened in other super old news stories from other times and years. That was a stunning revelation because in some sense, yes, it's very true. 

But why is this, why is that quote true? I think a small part of being a cynic is the feeling and knowing that something is amiss, something is not right, even though you don't know what it is, something like a conspiracy, who's to say that there isn't something like that going on right now and/or has been going on since the foundation of this state. Like I said, you have to question everything, even yourself and your own beliefs, even if you have a low education level, play videogames, and are more concerned about being 'turnt at da club.' There's something undeniable about the current times we're living in that has an eerie similarity to the past, something we don't understand, or perhaps will never be granted the right to understand. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!

November Thoughts

Good day early morning readers. 

Here I'd like to jot down some ideas that I've been thinking about lately or within the last time of writing. First, is it just me or has American society become and/or has always been like a pay-to-play subscription? Hear me out. You have to pay for rent to live in a place if you don't own it, you have to pay for food, you have to pay to go to work if you drive there in your car or even take the bus, you have to pay to go out to bars/clubs if you want easy cheap entertainment, and if you're a homebody you will most likely spend money on streaming services, movies, and/or video game computers and/or systems. So where exactly is America, home of the Brave, right now?

I would say not in good place. Think about everyone you have ever interacted with on a personal level, how are they really doing? Would they be mad to hear that you're doing better than them? In this sort of climate, it's hard to even define what a better life would even be. For me a better life would be playing music in bars, making money off it, and not working a day job. Or perhaps becoming a day writer and somehow writing novels that somehow sell millions of copies. Or even running a small record shop in China or Japan, being the only black guy in a small area. Or, this would ironically be the easiest one, to marry a wealthy girl and still pursue all these other things with her. 

But it seems most people I know or have interacted with on a personal basis are not doing good. Neither am I really. I'm living but I'm not thriving. At this middle age of life, I should be doing a lot more and thriving. Oftentimes, we know what we should be doing but we keep getting distracted in life by various things, people, work, family, and friends that we forget the reasons why we are living and what we should be doing and we're not pursuing our true goals. It's like going to a job, it's good because it provides you money in order to pay rent and buy food but overall, a job isn't going to make you reach your goals faster, in fact, its going to be a hindrance to it. For me, working jobs has slowed down my growth and lowered my ability to be creative and think outside the box. Working, ironically, has become a hindrance to me.

It seems the more people you know now and the more people you knew in the past, the more you know about people, their lives, and their goals, and how and if they go about achieving it. Some people inspire you and you can grow with their help, but only for a little while. Other people are sinking more and more into the abyss, even girls you really like. It's hard to figure out where you stand and everyday is a struggle in order to figure out who you truly are. 

It's hard to figure out if anyone is even real or authentic anymore these days, online especially, but even people you know personally and see day to day, a lot of them are living a lie. I've had a few strange off occurrences that make me truly believe than even some of the people around you who you think are really good people are actually working towards and/or trying to hurt you, defame you, or ruin you behind your back. This is kind of dark but last year I was laid off from my job and when I called the work union about it I told them my situation and they told me that so-and-so, a female manager I worked for six years before this incident, had called them and said something to them about my case, even though she wasn't there, and there's no telling what she might have said, it could've been really negative, thus encouraging them to get rid of me. I only say that because when I asked what she said about me, they said some negative things about it. 

There's a darkside to the soft underbelly of Los Angeles. Like sometimes, people from your past, like past jobs or old friends and acquaintances will want to keep tabs on you but not for good reason. They'll ask you questions about what you're doing, what job you're doing now, and that you should be doing this and that instead, and this and that. And you're just wondering, why does this person want to know all this stuff about me? And it makes you wonder who they're reporting the information to. There's this funny black youtuber I've watched and as he says, "We are trying living in the worst times of history, people showing their horns, its like you're truly alone."

I've seen the darkside of the Los Angeles valley over my entire tenure out here, although technically I'm just visiting from the Midwest. I will probably leave when the time is right. But back to the darkside. I was a part of a small friends group where the leader of the pack, my friend, was sort of going off the rails. He lost his girlfriend, was about to lose his apartment, and pack everything up to leave to go live in a different city, kind of far away. He was doing coke and lsd and weed/beer and just in general very scatterbrained, paranoid, and crazy. I mentioned this to other friends of the group and they told him and he instantly came at me hard and said we can't be friends anymore. This is a guy I was friends with for like ten years. All the guys in the group were friends for at least ten years and when he broke the friendship with me, he must've told them to stop talking to me too, because after that none of them ever responded to my messages and calls, except for one guy in the group. Looking back on it, I think I did a good job warning the other guys that he was on a crazy binge and that they should be weary. If I was a spiritual person, I would say that he was a sort of demon, or possessed. Ironically, I was sort of glad to be rid of him, because being around someone like that isn't fun because they're always only seeing the negativity of life and making you see through their demon-infused lenses. 

I'll leave you with another weary tale. I was at work at this clothing shop gig and this guy called out to me in the storeroom that somebody had taken down the clothes off a manakin [it might've been him]. The guy manakin has like a little junk pouch, so I had to put some pants on it to cover it up. The guy took a picture of the naked manakin and he said, "I'm going to send this to corporate." I said, "Okay," calling his bluff. Then I took some pants and put it on the manakin and he took another picture of me doing that and said "look at this picture, I'll use it to blackmail you," I called his bluff again and just said, "Okay," nonchalantly. Then he proceeded to tell me about how he wanted an item off a manakin and an employee told them they couldn't have it until the manager takes it down at the end of the month. And how he had to go through hoops and make a lot of phone calls to get the clothing off the manakin. Okay, so you get where I'm going with this story. This is a possibly psychotic individual, maybe he's even under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, because usually people don't get to this level of pettiness without being altered by substances. 

Why am I writing about all this? It's mostly a cautionary tale. Not everything is a coincidence. And believe it or not, there are people who are out to get you. I'm not afraid to leave my stoop or anything but I do realize that most of the people in my inner circle that I was actively engaging with and talking to, hanging out with, and meeting with at bars/clubs were in fact bad actors. They might not have been straight up demons [demons are mostly people who don't know you personally] but they had bad intentions, and being around them so often dimmed my light. Not that I'm a saint either, but generally I have a much better more positive attitude than everybody I've ever met. It's nothing special, it's innate. 

Lastly, I guess I write this to say, yeah, we're in dark times. Remain in light. 

Meet the new Boss, Same as the old Boss

Good evening, how are you? I wanted to do a bit of blogging, some improv, and just see what turns out. It's September 20th, 2025, about a week after the Charlie Kirk incident, which has captivated the media and the internet nonstop ever since. First, I'll start with my thoughts on the matter. 

Charlie Kirk wasn't my cup of tea. I put him in the same vein as Ben Shapiro, Nick Fuentes, and Candace Owens, so I see him as right-wing agitator. However, that doesn't mean that I think he should've been gunned down and although I'm kind of a hard leftist progressive [if you know anything about this blog and my life as a worker], I don't think people should be celebrating his death. In fact, I think the fact that people are celebrating his death is a little bit sickening. This is where we are in 2025 September 20th. 

Which brings me to my next point. The fact that the Trump administration flew his body back via Airforce 1, and the Right-Wingers [although its mostly the far right that are sprouting revenge and violence] have made him a martyr in their crusade against the so called woke liberal left. When you see your right-wing friends saying Kirk was a good man, a great man, and that he was peaceful, you know that they're only saying that because that's what they've been told to believe because the man was quite frankly, an asshole of a right-wing persuasion. On the opposite side on the left, you see the celebratory theme of Kirk's death as a sort of meme of pop culture, which they've been told to believe in. 

That being said, it doesn't take a genius of political ideology to tell you that these two different parties are just followers, believing in whatever the 'leader,' is telling them to believe in. Which makes you wonder, is anyone truly thinking for themselves anymore in 2025? We got people hooked in ChatGPT, taking pictures of them in their outfits and asking GPT if it goes hard? The people who do think for themselves are getting drowned out, belittled, and disgraced by the people who are just followers of whatever ideology they've been told to follow. Which begs the question, can anyone truly be an outsider in 2025? Maybe not. 

Moving on from politics, you find today that the Culture has been transformed into a video culture. Meaning that most people are followers following the trends and can't resist it. I remember working at the market and most of the employees there would always be on their phones watching TikTok on the sales floor and even on their break, phone in one hand, and food in the other. For women and girls it's TikTok and videos nonstop, for men it's endless video games and YouTube. If you say you prefer books, you are seen as an outsider by these groups. 

That being said, I don't think that will ever change. What we're witnessing now is the decline and fall of the American experiment, which lasted roughly 300 years. We consume so much stuff and media, its like a fat guy eating 20 hamburgers, it's become disgusting. Nowadays I sometimes find myself getting lost in the male video gaming meme culture and after a few weeks I catch myself and realize that I have to resign from it for a few months to recuperate. The consumption of mass media in this culture has a strong effect on the human mind. 

Now, I'm not saying you have to read books all the time. But perhaps it wouldn't hurt to read a book every now and then? And if you can't stand books, maybe do some kind of learning via the internet instead of endless TikTok or doomscrolling? This current American culture has become some kind of monster [metallica reference], its got to the point where everything and everyone has become fake and useless [now trending.] 

Sometimes you might watch a TikTok or a YouTube video and it seems real and lifelike, but you find out later on that its AI voice generated video with real images, or that everything the person said or did in the video is all fake, not one tiny bit of it is honest or real in any way. This is where we are in 2025. From a young person's standpoint, it's almost frightening because young people are impressionable and a lot of them are going to believe a lot of what's online despite being told a lot of it is all fake. Now, I think the biggest skill for a young person to have is to be skeptical of everything and everyone around them, especially those closest to them. 

I worked at a grocery store in SoCal for a long time. In that time I probably worked with over 300 employees. And I was cool with almost all of them, cool as in I got along with them and we worked well together. But most of those people were fake and were always trying to do the bare minimum amount of work. This includes management and store directors as well. They were all, for the most part, not very good people, fake people, not hard-working people. They weren't evil people, but for the most part they were fake and useless. Most people don't tell it like how it really was and is, but I'm keeping it real and I might get flagged for this but most of them were bad people. Pretty much everyone at the market including managers, codirectors, and store directors were all not good people, very fake, and didn't do much work. I had one manager for 12 years, a Persian guy, who hardly did any work pretty much the entire 12 years, and hid in the back 4 hours a night. These people might be a good laugh to have a beer with, but they were not very good people. 

In conclusion, what's the solution? Well, I think you have to really learn to be skeptical of everyone and everything. As one of my managers said, "This is California, trust no one." As paranoid as that sounded to me he was right. I think today in 2025 you have to even be skeptical of little old ladies asking you questions on the street. Listen to your elders but don't take what they say to heart, because the future of the world is you, not them. The workforce people are all fake and they're probably going to do you in the first moment you say no to them or don't make the quota. Learn to build your own interior world. The world has become more and more fake. Everyone you knew in your past or from previous jobs probably treated you badly behind your back and you didn't realize it because if you're like me, you're a good spirit, even amongst demons. You tend to overlook that sharp eye of evil within your managers and coworkers. Yeah, it's in the eyes. 

As random and improvisatory as this long blog was, everything in it is connected. Brought to you via the government and workforce. Godspeed. Watch this space.  

"I couldn't say where she's comin' from, but I just met a woman named Dinah Mo Hum." 

New Horizons, Incoming Labor Day Weekend

 

Hello world. How are you doing? It seems like the world has changed so much since even the last post early this month about the novel Three Body Problem. I was reading a lot of novels nonstop. In fact, this year, since January, I've read 25 novels. In addition, I've started using ChatGPT consistently. I try not to  use it as a crutch for writing and/or actual ideas I have but rather as a sort of backup/double check on certain things. 

For example, today my friend came over and was having an issue connecting his laptop to the internet web browser, and I asked it a few questions about possible fixes and troubleshooting. I also use it for questions about novels and albums of particular jazz artists and Zappa albums. It's gotten to the point where I'm using it more than google, which is downright fascinating but I'm aware that I'm becoming attached to it a bit too much. For example, I wouldn't want to use ChatGPT to write this blog post. That would be a bridge too far. 

Moving on, what I'm mainly posting about today is more about a change of seasons. I moved on from my retail grocery job of twelve years and am now working at a thrift shop. It's not a glamorous job but it is a big change and there is room for advancement into management in the future. Pay is what the market will bear but the hours are reasonable and usually I get home around 9 pm. That is a huge plus for me because at the grocery job I was working till 1 am nearly every night for twelve years. So there's some good change here. 

In addition, the place is small, only has a few employees [but will be hiring more soon], and you answer to one main manager, and another bigger manager above him. My coworkers are very nice and they've done their best to train me my first two weeks so far. There's still certain things I need to go over and really get down better but overall I really like the work. There's a cashiering element to the job but it's not as intense as grocery store cashiering. There's a daily nightly report that gets emailed to the bigger manager that I have to learn to write faster and get down better. But overall, it's a job, with opportunities for advancement, and because it's not a glamorous job, I think there's safety there. 

Also, I think I lucked out with this job because right now the job market is cooked, as Gen Z says. There was a report in the nytimes about how this past month, in New York there was only 1,000 jobs added, which is insane, because I think there are more people in New York than in LA, so we're probably not doing too well with adding and filling jobs in LA either. 

Moving on, I got laid off from my grocery store job back in January, around the beginning of that month. Keep in mind that I didn't quit or want to leave. They sort of forced me out, a sort of forced being laid off. So I've been unemployed for seven months. It was a rough period. I would say it was second worst time of my entire life. I went through a lot of severe depression and had constant nightmares. For about three of those months I could barely get out of bed.

My daily routine consisted of getting up as early as I could, cleaning up, looking/applying to jobs online, going to places in person and handing out my resume and asking if they're hiring [which most managers didn't really appreciate], and getting tons of rejection emails. Out of about 65 jobs, [15-20 of them being the same job applied to more than once over a period of a couple months], I got four job interviews, went to three of them, and got the fourth one at this thrift store. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to stay in retail grocery because that's my primary job experience but it just didn't work out. In fact, the first three interviews were all at grocery stores, and I think I would've been a bit happier at a grocery store but again, it didn't work out. So this is the next step going forwards. 

Lastly, as the job market, economy, government, immigration system, and healthcare system collapse all around me, all I have to say is that as bad as those seven months being unemployed were, it actual wasn't as bad as it could've been. I had some savings to buy food and live on. I've spent a lot of money on that and want to replenish some of my savings with this new job. But more importantly than saving money or having money, I think right now just having a job is more important than ever. 

I don't want to be all about doom and gloom but the system is collapsing. It has been for a while but most people are in denial about it and the government/news never say that we're in a bad depression right now. I think its a lot worse than it looks. There was a shooting at a Catholic school yesterday that ended with the loss of two young lives, that shook the nation. I don't think it will get better and I don't think there will be gun reform as a result of this incident. 

In the worst of my moments being unemployed I seriously thought about giving up my groovy lifestyle in California to go back to the Midwest and live with my Mom, and help her out, especially now that she's getting older. With the way things are going for me here, I still might do that in the end. I've found that people I knew and know here in California were nice people at the time and we might have been friends for a while, but not every friendship lasts. I happen to think that the friends I made out here in California are much more narcissistic than my friends from the Midwest. Not only friends but a lot of managers at the retail grocery job were narcissistic as well. It kind of makes you wonder if there's something in the air here in California? 

Watch this space.    

Eliot's Renaissance Tempest: Romola's Moral Crucible

 

First, it may be surprising that, George Eliot, famous writer of 19th century English novels wrote one novel about the Renaissance period. Romola is George Eliot's fourth novel, a significant departure from all her other novels. Romola is set in Florence in the 15th century of Niccolo Machiavelli, [he's a minor character in the book], during Christian religious leader Savonarola's rise. 

George Eliot took meticulous notes on the Renaissance period for this novel and dives in deep to explore the themes of humanism and psychological human struggles. This is most likely Eliot's most intellectual novel, whereas her more popular books like Middlemarch and Mill On the Floss focus more on the intimate social realism of rural England in the 19th century, the core of all her writing and style. However, for the curious western canon reader, this book is not only important, but is a must read.

Second, Eliot uses the world of 15th century Renaissance Italy as more than a backdrop, it is a protagonist, the city itself comes alive almost like a character. This is one of Eliot's strongest stylistic writing skills. The political machinations of the city have it come alive like a person. The Medici's versus republicans, artististic ferment, impassioned religious leaders [Savonarola], and the passion of learning, ambition, and decline. The setting is important for the characters because it helps to explore the themes of humanism, faith, individualism, and communal duty. 

Third, Romola's journey from naive helper-scholar to her blind father to adept Holy Madonna is not only inspiring, it is downright transformative. Romola is one of Eliot's most well thought out characters, like Tito, her husband. Her duties were initially to help her blind-scholar father, her god-father, and her husband Tito, who she marries, but along the way she finds herself in struggle and contradiction. As every powerful character in Eliot's novels, she has to make tough decisions in order to find meaning in her life. She might be the most powerful and transformative character in Eliot's writings. 

Fourth, Tito Melema. Tito is a remarkable villain and, one of the best villains in Eliot's work. He's good looking, tall, dark, personable, intellectual, ambitious, but he's also backstabbing [marrying a peasant girl behind Romola's back and having two kids with her], he's so ambitious to the point of getting too involved in the internal politics of Italy [thus garnering him enemies], he backstabs his father who adopted him as a child, and because of that, his father ends up getting his revenge. Tito's Father's revenge is ultimately satisfying although not quite as action packed as one would think it would be. Most writers will never be able to write a better villain. If Romola represents Life and Holy Goodness, then Tito is Death and Intellect. 

Moving on, Savonarola plays a big role in the stage because of his strong religious fervor and influence. He's reacting against corruption of politics and the church, offering a powerful vision of moral renewal in Florence, Italy. You could say that because of Eliot's ideas on religion, she always has strong ideas of religious characters, ideas, and influence. You can say that she never has anything bad to say about religion. The role on religion on Romola is immense, to the point where in the end she finds a village suffering from the plague, and she ends up helping and saving a lot of them, thus becoming a Holy Madonna. 

Finally, putting it all together. Eliot's dense, allusive, descriptive, intellectual writing style in a psychologically penetrating prose style is what makes this book an amazing read. She's able to successfully and accurately use historical notes and detail without losing the narrative flow or psychological state of the characters. Her characteristic philosophical concerns are explored through this unique renaissance prism. The novel is considered Eliot's least popular novel and it was received with mixed reviews, but reading it in 2025 feels as fresh as a daisy, and I believe its a must read for the western canon list. 

In conclusion, like many historical novels of the western canon, this novel has epic scope. When the fires of belief and lightning of new ideas clash across Renaissance Florence, testing one woman's soul as kingdoms fall and fanatics rise, George Eliot's Romola forges a story so powerful it echoes through centuries, standing forever as a towering testament to how we hold onto what's true when the whole world shakes. The novel begs to ask the question, "How do we find meaning in our lives?" You could say that is what every George Eliot novel is really about.

Summertime, and The Living is Easy

Good evening, ladies and gents. Back at it with another writing experience, writing about life.

Times have been rough. I've been unemployed for about five months. I was recommended a cashier job at a grocery store from a co-worker from the job I got let go from and it ended up not working out. In addition, I went on an interview for another cashier job at a different grocery store and didn't get the job. I'm trying my best but getting a little discouraged, realizing that getting a job will be a lot harder than I thought. The job market is getting increasingly more difficult and I'm finding that AI is involved in the hiring process, making it harder to land the job. 

The first couple months I got let go, or technically, fired, from my retail grocery job of twelve years, I was pretty depressed. I started sleeping in till 3 or 4 PM and although I was still applying and going into businesses to checkout jobs, my mind was in the gutter. I was finally able to overcome that depression by setting up an earlier schedule and staying consistently busy throughout the day.

Usually this entailed waking up, cleaning up, and searching for jobs online everyday and applying to as many jobs that were suitable to me as possible. Then I make lunch. And do some reading and going out to the library. Then coming home and getting some dinner with family. At first, my stepdad was upset I got fired and he was almost equally mad at the fact that my managers I worked with for twelve years didn't have my best interests at heart. But you know, as they say, c'est la vie. Nowadays, my stepfather is more easy going about what I'm going through right now, because he knows that the job market is tough, and doesn't want me to end up working in a warehouse breaking my back or flipping burgers at McDonalds, lowering my ranking on a resume. He still believes in me, oddly enough, and that I can pull myself into another decent cashier position. Luck of the draw, he says.

As for myself, I'm not really quite sure. I have enough cash for food and rent for now but I'm noticing more and more that as gen z'ers say, this job market is cooked. We're cooked. Things are so bad that my co-worker from the last job that tried to get me a job at this different grocery store says that I should try to apologize my way back to my old position, which sounds like a terrible idea, although a manager said I was probably blacklisted when my brother asked them about it. So I'm not really sure when I'll land a job or if I will find employment anytime soon. Things are sad right now in that aspect. I'm pretty upset at the entire situation but being angry or trying to get back at people who misused and abused me in the old workplace isn't the answer.

In the meantime, I'm trying to find peace and balance in the universe. I'm reading a lot, going to the library, still searching for jobs, and now finally tonight, getting back into writing. In addition, I created a Substack, which is sort of like a social media for intellectuals and sharing ideas and writing. At some point when I build an audience on there, I'll probably charge a small subscription fee per month, try to add some coffee money to my wallet. 

Lastly, in other news, this second Trump administration has been the worst years of my living in the United States, and in my life. My actual life is comfortable and I have food and rent money but the future is more and more uncertain and I have no means of employment, most of my friends are marginals, my only good work contact couldn't help me out as much as she wanted to, I can't afford to move out or strike out anywhere on my own, we're basically in world war 3, there are Ice Raids here in LA and I have a hispanic name, I live with family, and I can't get a job. Things could be a lot better and I wonder what will happen in even say three months time. But hey, it's summertime, and the living is easy. [I got it so bad, I got it good.]  

The Rise and Decline of the American Empire

It's Saturday, May 3, 2025, 2:02 am. Here, I'd like to jot down some notes on life in America, at this current juncture in history. 

Donald Trump has enacted many tariffs and we're in and have been in various trade wars, notably with China. The President doesn't usually have the power to enable all these tariffs at one moment but he's been given the power by the republican controlled House and Congress. I'm not sure if these tariffs are part of Project 2025, but it seems like it could be, and many MAGA-republicans and Trump fans seem to like the idea and be for it, despite the fact that there isn't one economist out there that says this is a good plan for America going forward. 

The basic idea is that most countries haven't been paying their fair share towards America, and that all these tariffs will even the playing field. Except that's not how it works and its a stupid idea and it's already causing havoc across the land. I would say right now is another turning point in American history. This is like COVID-19 back in 2020, when the economy took a major crash. This is like America in 2008 before the market crash and we had some 10 years of austerity. 

But wait, it gets worse! Not only is Trump doing tariffs and trade wars, he's also utilizing Elon Musk and his DOGE, and Kennedy Jr., to do mass layoffs of federal and health employees, something to the tune of 10,000 employees. And these aren't temporary layoffs, folks. On top of that he's gutting and cutting the Department of Education. So there's various things going on, probably too many to count and/or mention in one small blogpost. 

So right now, you could say we're living in the Decline of the American Empire. Perhaps even saying that is too generous and it's possible we're already some 5-10 years into the Decline of American Empire. Tariffs aren't going to bring back jobs, especially manufacturing jobs, as Trump says. Those jobs are gone forever. We've become a full service economy so in America we just don't build things. We're not known for that anymore. 

Knowing that we're in the decline, what can we really do? We can stay informed and up to date on the daily news but even knowing this, we already know that things are bad. But nothing will change. We've become complacent, so complacent, that unless Donald Trump is removed by the rule of law [impeachment], then every democrat will just go along with whatever's going on even though they know that it is morally wrong. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm a progressive, although probably more moderate than most of them, but I must say, the democrats haven't done much to combat the effectiveness of Donald Trump and the so-called Project 2025 project. I thought it was amazing to see Senator Cory Booker stand up and talk about how bad Trump made everything for 25 hours, and it was a great thing that so many Americans are protesting every weekend since this first 100 days of Trump's presidency, but I don't see those things as effective enough to make a difference in Washington, and most importantly, it's not stopping or hindering Trump. You can only do so much through demonstrations, protests, and walkins/walkouts. The best means of change is through legislative law and/or action. 

So what we're seeing now is the downfall of America and all its institutions of government. And guess what, there's probably nothing we can do to stop it. Why? Because things have been set in motion that can't be undone. Even if Trump loses and we elect a democrat it will take many years to undue that damage that Trump's done. 

What I see right now in the real world, offline, in the streets, in businesses, at work [when I was working], is that people are isolating themselves into small bubbles, small groups in order to better isolate themselves and their families via their wealth, probably from the impending doom of this economic fallout from these tariffs. I think it's probably even worse than what they're reporting on TV, and I believe even economists might not know how bad it could get. But hey, it's not like I'm completely surprised, this is Donald Trump, and we know he loves tariffs. 

But anyways, staying on point, once you start walking around more and more in your little town or big town in some cases, you'll start to realize people are isolating themselves more, they're not going outside of their comfort zone as much, they're not going out as much, they've become ensconced in their religious groups, work/occupation groups, and family groups, and they're not really looking at the larger group or community anymore. You might meet some friends and associates through work for example, but for the most part they stick to these particular cliques, groups of association, and everything outside of that is forbidden. Why is that?

I see it as another sign of the decline of the American Empire. People will not leave their selected group and/or tribe, whatever it may be, out of fear, fear, for whatever reason keeps them locked into these small isolated groups or tribes, and when the people as a whole, for example in your town, are completely divided into small groups, it is in this particular formation, that nothing good and no improvements, and nothing will get done to improve your town or area, government, and looking at the bigger picture, the national government. 

Thanks for sticking with me this far, I swear there's a point to this. This is where all my fiction reading comes to play. Once everybody is divided into their smaller groups, it doesn't matter where they get their information or even if the information is true, because it won't matter because all these various groups will already be decided on every issue and these splintered off groups, they eventually lead to syndicate type formations that will rule and divy up everything in your town. Groups that may have even started as 'good groups' meant to better their small niche communities but eventually go rogue and become bad groups due to all the other groups doing the same thing. As you can see this won't end well.

I've rambled a lot here, but I hope I make sense. You really can't explain this in an easy way because you really can't make this stuff up. I was ousted out of a work organization [retail grocery] for pretty trivial reasoning from my store director, after 10 years of loyal hard work and service. I'm not saying everyone should start drinking coffee and reading Saarte and become progressive but even within that organization I saw these sort of bread and butter syndicate type of thinking and behavior from members of the staff, including low level employees, middle managers, and store leaders. After all that hard work and time put in, the members within that community didn't reach out to me or ask about what happened. In the end, we're all replaceable, me, you, everyone. I guess that's what makes this moment strike fear into the hearts of the American people. We don't know what will happen, why it will happen, or if we will even have jobs in the short to long term, let alone planning for investments. 

I guess this is the part where I tell you the bad guys won. Our God isn't coming to save us, our parents can't help us, our institutions/government/education have failed us, and our places of employment see us as easily replaceable despite loyalty, hard work, and dedication.

As Hobbes would say, "it's everyman for himself and God against all."  

New Year, New Me, [Not Really]

Hello Universe, 

How is it going out there in the free world? It's a new year, happy 2024! It's time for all those happy go lucky social media posts where people make their new years resolutions, like to get a better body and become more healthy and sexy and find their dream spouse, and get a lotta money, amiright? I'd like to jot down some thoughts on what's been happening with me, my personal activities, working in retail, and more. 

First, I moved into a new house recently. It was a hard move that was strenuous but now that it's done I can finally relax. At the end of the month I took time off from work just to get settled into the new place and unbox everything. The new house is in a better location to get around on foot or on the bus if needed. I've been waking up earlier, going out to lunches at nearby establishments, going to the library, and more. I'm still working at the grocery store and it's going well. Since the holidays are over, things have slowed down there, for now. Covid still lingers there from time to time, so I've still been wearing my facemask.  

I kept up playing piano and drums. Now, I'm finally making good progress on piano, at least trying to move from beginner to something like intermediate, although it will take a while. My dad decided to keep our late step-mom Maureen's Yamaha grand piano, so I've been playing that piano. Today, I recorded an eight minute grand piano solo, [which you can hear piano solo no. 1] With the piano, I'm trying to focus on playing jazz chords and improvising. I practice everyday, and actually have preferred practicing piano as of late, because my guitars and amp are all backed away and it's easier to just play the grand piano for now. 

Likewise, I've been keeping up with drums. I go to guitar center and just play the drums there. You can hear my most recent drum playing here.

Second, I'm still reading a lot and doing a lot of AI art. You can check out my Instagram page here. The picture featured at the top of this page is an AI art creation. At the end of last year I read a lot of science fiction novels by Iain M. Banks, who died early in his 50s. Terrific writer, but he writes terribly long science fiction space opera, albeit it's amazing writing and great space opera, but the some seven books I read of his were definitely time consuming and not easy reads. Space opera for the literati. Right now all my books are packed away so I just bought for a dollar, a paperbacks editions of Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky and Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. I'm keeping up with the western canon, now I've read about 300 works. But I feel like I've barely scraped the surface in terms of what can be learned within knowledge, within the realm of imagination, and the curiosity of man himself. 

At the end of last year, I kind of went into deep hibernation bear mode. The bear knows when to sleep but the bobcat knows when its time to hunt. I find getting up earlier and going out more has been better for me, being productive keeps me energetic, and I'm liking the atmosphere of the new house better and more easily able to adapt to this. Sometimes on Mondays I go to this open blues jam at the bar, and I sit in and play guitar. I go out to dinners with family on my days off work. 

Lastly, I've found that life is made up of thoughts, actions, and plans for the future. There's a lot to do. Work is still time consuming, but with a schedule for the day, the week, the month, the next three months, the next six months, the next year, things are much more manageable within a smaller timeline and with hard goals split and separated into smaller and more manageable goals.

I want to get better at piano and be able to play jazz standards on it, keep reading, write more short stories and perhaps a novel [I actually have written a novel, but nobody's seen it], keep blogging about everything, and keep up with my guitar and drums too. Work has been good, the hard work keeps me awake. 

That's it for now, see you later, space cats. 

In sylvan realms where twilight's whispers creep, The bear, a sagacious entity, seeks a somber keep. As autumnal regalia, the leaves cascade, He intuits the impending winter's serenade.

With fur of resplendent aureate hue, He embarks on a quest for a snug haven's view. A sanctuary, where crystalline brooks freeze, In dreams of honeyed combs and berries with ease.

Yet by the babbling stream, where moonbeams wink, The bobcat prowls, a phantom feline in sync. His eyes, aglint with nocturnal savoir-faire, In stealth, he traverses the tapestry of air.

For as the bear in dormant repose lies, The bobcat, vigilant, neath the celestial ties, Stalks in the silent hours of night's embrace, A sovereign of shadows, embodying grace.

In nature's ballet, a harmonious ballet, The bear succumbs to rest, the bobcat to ballet. One cradles dreams of vernal rebirth, The other, a custodian, prowls the moonlit earth. [AI generated]

April Fools

Good evening,

It's good to see you. I'd like to jot down some notes. 

First, once the holiday months passed, work became a lot slower. Typically in retail grocery this happens every year. Business picks up again in spring and summer. The holiday period was so intense this year that I'm glad to see less hours across the board. That doesn't sit well with the other employees though, who are counting on 40+ hours every week to make ends meet. But once April comes around the bend everybody will be working a lot more again and making more money. 

Second, the most exciting thing that has happened is the developments around A.I. I've been especially into A.I. art. I started doing A.I. art the first month the art generators came out and I've really taken to it. I've tried all the best ones but the one I've taken to the most is Stable Diffusion 2.1 version, using BlueWillow on Discord and Magespace. I would like to use more Midjourney and Dall E2 but those cost $10/month. 

With Stable Diffusion I can practice a lot of prompts to keep tweaking my art styles without paying money. I don't know if there's a path along the road where I can change my knowledge into money, but for now it's been a big thing for me because it's something I can do solo and its using new, cutting-edge technology. 

One of the best things ever about doing A.I. art is that I learned that I have a good eye, I can tell good art when I see it. On top of that, the prompts work by text, so depending on how much you know, or potentially could know, you can create almost anything, endlessly.

Check out some of my A.I. artwork on Instagram, https://www.instagram.com/jazzerrocker779/.

Third, I've kept up with a lot of reading. Tonight I did a lot of reading reading the news. The big story is that Trump has finally been indicted. 

I've read seven books so far this year: Will and Ariel Durant's Rosseau and Revolution [history], Will and Ariel Durant's The Age of Voltaire [history], Anna LindenWaller's A Memory Called Empire [scifi], Anna LindenWaller's A Desolation Called Peace [scifi], Babel by R.F. Kuang [steampunk], Rite of Passage by Alexi Panshin [scifi], and Tales From A Thousand and One Nights by N.J. Dawood [canon]. 

I've also still been practicing reading in Spanish and occasionally Italian and French when I have the time. One of my goals for the year is to read the Complete Works of William Shakespeare. I bought a copy at a library book sale for a dollar and it's a handsome hardcover edition.

Life seems to have slowed down for me in many respects. Most of my friends have moved far away, driven by what they think will be more happiness if they go somewhere else. Others we've simply broken up and went our separate ways because of personal problems between us or their lives just simply fell apart. 

Even though some of my friends were extremely toxic when we spent too much time together I still feel for them and hope they go on to greener pastures. But I only know too well that just by moving from one situation to another, it does not simply make all the bad stuff go away. In fact, through my own experience I've learned that it's mostly worse when you think you can run from your problems and think things will be better. Out of the frying pan, into the fire, as they say. 

That being said, I wish them all the best. But the reality of the matter is that life is tough, for all of us, and we can't run from our problems, and magically everything will be better. This isn't anime or video games or Hulu TV. 

I've tried to make the most out of my new lack of a social life by reading more, getting more rest, continuing to play and practice instruments, working on ai art, and music, using chatbots for ai art prompts, writing more, being more creative. As time goes on, I realize more and more that I have to be a creative and keep creating. 

image ai generated 

111 Day 2023, Happy New Year!

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, 

Happy new year! Today is 111 day, it's January 11th, the first month of the year, on the 11th day, 111 day. What a nice number. I hope you have been well. Have you? Is everything alright?

Things are spectacular right now. I'm on day 3 of my vacation week. This is a quiet vacation. I'm not going to travel anywhere or do anything too fancy. I just wanted time off from my busy retail gig. The store has been busy since the pandemic began in 2020. I requested this week long vacation every month since September 2022 and have been denied every month. That is, until now. 

The vacation has been fruitful and relaxing. I have been reading a lot, practicing drums everyday, creating a lot of AI art, and eating out at my favorite restaurants. But contrary to most vacationers I haven't been overeating, rather I feel like I've been eating less, which has been better for the body. Refreshing and rejuvenating.  

First, I spent the first two days reading The Age of Voltaire by the historian Will Durant. It's an analysis of England and France before and around the time of the French revolution. Amazing historical detail. And I've learned a lot more about Voltaire, who although was trained by the Jesuits, was a sore wound in the side of Christianity and he was often persecuted for his views against the Church and the nobles as well as other intellectuals. 

I nearly finished the book but decided to take a break because my dad recommended this new space opera that came out back in 2019. It's called A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine. It's a homage to early Ursula K Leguin but it has a vibe very similar to Cecelia Holland's Floating Worlds, a 1970s space opera. It has all those space opera bells and whistles but it's also got a cultural and linguistics thing going for it as well. Some of the naming systems are middle eastern and the cultures within the book are Japanese and Chinese. It's quite good and I'd recommend it to any science fiction fans or anyone who's interested in reading a good space opera, a brand new one rather than the old classics. 

Second, I've also been practicing drums with my new hi-hat cymbal. Tomorrow I've got a jam session with my friend who plays a Selmer alto saxophone. So tomorrow I'll use my makeshift 4-piece drum set, which includes a kibaga practice snare pad, a pearl limited edition snare, a meinL cymbal, and a ziljin hi-hat. I would have a bass drum and a tom, but space is limited here at the moment so I have to play with what I have.

Third, I've been creating a lot of ai art. You can view my work here https://www.instagram.com/jazzerrocker779/. I've created a lot of my AI generated art using www.mage.space, a wonderful tool that recently came out with a payment model because so many people were using it and enjoying it. I've found that with AI I've been able to find out that I have an eye for art, the eye of an artist. 

Furthermore, I had no idea that I had an eye for art until I was recommended to read Vasari's Lives, The Illustrated Lives of the Italian Painters of the Renaissance, I was recommended the book by my friend's wife, Elizabeth. From there I looked at and studied all the Italian Renaissance art I could and then after that my dad saw that I seemed interested in art, so he recommended that I start using mage.space to create AI art. From two older people with more knowledge I was able to find these things out and the rest is history. Now I do AI art often and I have over 5,000 images [gasp!]. 

Lastly, what does life feel like now, and furthermore, going forward? Even though there are cyclones over Los Angeles and 90% of the state is in fear of flooding I feel great. I'm happy now because I'm on vacation and doing all the things I love with unlimited free time but in four days I'm back at work and it will be tough. How does one stay happy? 

"There is no definitive answer to what makes humans happy, as it can vary greatly from person to person. However, some things that are commonly associated with happiness include having strong and supportive relationships, feeling fulfilled by one's work or hobbies, having financial security, having good physical and mental health, and feeling a sense of purpose or meaning in one's life. Additionally, people can also experience pleasure and enjoyment through different types of activities, such as exercising, traveling, or listening to music.

It's important to note that there are also other factors that play into happiness, such as genetics, which can account for up to 50% of the variance in happiness levels among people, and daily activities and practices can also have a positive impact.

Therapy and meditation, positive thinking, and gratitude are also known to be beneficial for one's well-being and may help some people increase their happiness levels." [openchatGPT]

"Beneath cherry blossoms pink and white, I find happiness in simple sights. A gentle breeze, a babbling stream, The rustling leaves, a peaceful gleam.

With every step upon the path, I feel my spirit start to lift. And though the road may have its twists, I know that joy and peace exist.

As petals fall and dance around, I'm filled with beauty that astounds. And in the sunshine and the rain, I find my heart is free again.

So let us all take life in stride, And let our hearts be open wide. For in the end, it's not the end, But the simple joys that make us blend.

With the world and all its wonder, Happiness will always be under our feet, a constant companion, guiding us to a brighter horizon." [openchatGPT]

image ai generated

2022's Grand Exit, Happiness

Hello Readers, 

It's the end of the year. Wow! What a year it has been. Let's go over things I did and worked on this year, changes in the work place that occurred, and some thoughts on happiness and wellbeing. 

First, things I did. I worked a lot. I was promoted to full time cashier, got increased pay plus hours, so that's been a big change for me. For years I was only part time which meant I had a lot of discretionary free time to do whatever I wanted. Not so much these days. I work forty+ hours each week. Not only that, but the job has become more demanding in some respects because what with covid not going away, it has been nonstop busy even when the holidays aren't around. 

Second, I worked on a lot of language learning. I've been learning a lot of languages ever since 2020 but I've become fairly proficient in Spanish, but I also know a lot of French, Italian, German, and a little Portuguese. These are the languages of the Hanseatic League, merchant guilds from central and northern Europe, going back to the 1400s. I'm the best at Spanish and French as my mother spoke some French and Creole around the house when I was a boy, and co-workers speak Spanish nonstop all day at work, so those two are fairly easy for me to pickup as I have heard it often. 

My accents became better when I combined learning words from reading in the languages on Kindle, then practicing with audiobooks in those languages. It was a combination of both. I would say its easy to start learning but difficult to keep up your motivation and go beyond basic phrases. At this point, I can understand Spanish well, and the rest decently, although I can probably read all of them better than I can speak them. It's been an engaging endeavor and I look forward to learning more in the future. It's an ongoing enterprise. 

Third, I've learned drums and piano. I started learning drums in August and I've become good. I can play rock and jazz styles primarily. On piano, I focus more on a jazz style, with lots of chromatic chord changes, a la McCoy Tyner. I even learned how to play a bamboo flute. There's always new things with music but sometimes I get in these lulls where I'm not playing live very often and not doing jam sessions at the house, so I stay engaged by learning new instruments. That being said, I've spent too many months at different instruments and will focus this year on guitar. At heart, I'm a guitar player. 

Alongside music and writing, my other creative pursuit has been AI art. You can see my best works here https://www.instagram.com/jazzerrocker779/. I've had a lot of friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and more give me a lot of crap for using AI to create art. But the fact of the matter is that real artists are already using it, selling art with it, and making money.

The best AI art generator is called the DALL E 2, which uses openai.com's source code. You can buy from openai.com a low resolution image of your own creation for 8 cents, a better one for 16 cents, and an even better one for 18 cents. For that low cost even I could buy images if I knew I could make a return in my investments by selling them to others. Some artists are doing just that. 

The openai team that created DALL E 2 just released openchatGPT, which is a huge gamechanger in the world of AI. I'll be using it in this blog.  

I've been using a free AI art generator made by two guys who are using the Stable Diffusion AI art generator source code, it's called mage, you can find the art generator at www.mage.space. It's been so satisfying that I nearly quit playing video games to focus on reading books, music, and using mage to create art. My favorite thing about mage is that I don't have to actually have any art skills, I only need ideas. It works by having the user type in any words or numbers and it generates images based off that. Although I can't draw, I know the western canon, art history, and the Italian Art Renaissance period. So I can still can get great results. Take a look on my Instagram. 

Fourth, a lot of things happened this year. In particular a lot changed in the world of retail grocery, my job. 

"The retail grocery industry saw significant changes and disruptions in 2022 due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Some of the major developments in the industry include the following:

1. Shift to online grocery shopping: The pandemic led to a significant increase in online grocery shopping as people tried to reduce their exposure to the virus by avoiding physical stores. Many grocery stores and retailers introduced or expanded their online ordering and delivery services to meet this demand.

2. Changes in shopping patterns: The pandemic also led to changes in shopping patterns, with people stockpiling certain items and shifting towards buying more pantry staples and frozen foods. This led to disruptions in supply chains and product availability.

3. Increase in demand for home delivery: The pandemic also led to an increase in demand for home delivery of groceries as people tried to minimize their in-store shopping trips. This led to an increase in the use of delivery services such as Instacart and Shipt, as well as the expansion of home delivery services by grocery chains.

4. Changes in store operations: In response to the pandemic, many grocery stores implemented changes to their store operations, including increased cleaning and sanitation measures, limits on the number of customers allowed in stores at a given time, and the use of face masks and other personal protective equipment by employees.

5. Impact on small and local businesses: The pandemic also had a significant impact on small and local grocery stores, which faced challenges in adapting to the changing market conditions and competing with larger chains that had more resources to invest in online and delivery services. Many small and local stores had to rely on community support to stay in business." [openchatGPT]

Lastly, although I've spent a lot of time logged in at work, I've also spent a lot of time thinking, learning, pontificating on the future. I've learned that I'm still happy despite losing friends, work getting tougher, people being more rude, and pay only barely improving. Of course, it helps to be the child who has his own. And not only that, but sometimes I'm the child who plays the Shakespearean Old Fool. And not only that but I also play the Voltaire Satirist Philosopher at Check Stand 9. All the worlds' stage. Life in its rich tapestry. 

What will happiness be like in the future?

"It is difficult to predict what happiness will be like in the future, as it is influenced by many complex and dynamic factors, including societal and cultural changes, technological advances, economic conditions, and personal experiences and circumstances.

Happiness is a subjective and personal experience, and what brings happiness to one person may not necessarily bring happiness to another. Some people find happiness in material possessions, while others find it in relationships, personal achievements, or meaningful experiences.

In the future, it is possible that advances in technology and medicine could lead to improvements in physical and mental health, which may contribute to greater overall happiness and well-being. However, these advancements could also bring about new challenges and concerns that may impact happiness in different ways.

Ultimately, happiness is a complex and multifaceted experience that is influenced by a wide range of factors, and it is difficult to predict how it will evolve in the future."

"Happiness is a state of mind, with joy that we find." [openchatGPT]

image ai generated