New year, Happy 2026

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Happy 2026! It's already been wild this year but we must keep pushing on with our goals and work. 

Personally, I've been tired a lot this year so far but I try to balance out a lot of rest with a lot of work at the job and activity at home. I've been reading a lot and listening to a lot of music. I discovered Bach cantatas and I found a correlation between Bach's cantatas and Mozart's opera work, its downright fascinating. I've also been tuned in to Small's jazz club in Greenwich Village NYC, tuning into a lot of live performance music as well as their nightly jams. There's a community online there and we chat and talk a lot about music, everything from straight ahead jazz to avant garde jazz to classical and sometimes even rock. There was a funny moment during Christmas where a random jammer at Smalls went viral for having a breakdown and cursing out the other jammers. It went to the heart of how people that have breakdowns in public often get made fun of and criticized even though it could happen to anyone, and that we need to be more understanding of others. Other people thought he was rude and probably on drugs. The incident went viral and lots of youtubers made response videos about it. Yeah, that was a interesting phenomena during Christmas. 

In addition, it wasn't really that the guy was terrible. However, he brought an acoustic guitar to the jazz jam, which is a no-no, but he said in a interview video he's been struggling financially and doesn't have money for a regular electric guitar, which goes to him struggling mentally and apparently even being homeless for a while. I would agree that the hardcore jazz elite who shamed this guy publicly on YouTube got it wrong, and that we should be more understanding of this guy and his problems. He wasn't really that good at jamming, and he's not really a 'jazz guitarist,' and he doesn't know the songs per se, but his rhythm comping to the tunes and under the soloists was decent enough to be there onstage and I thought a lot of the jazz elite were publicly shaming him, to their own detriment. I think, even as hardcore musical afinados, we should be more understanding of different musicians and their ability to play the music, especially jazz, because not every jazz musician is a Charlie Parker or a Wes Montgomery. I've seen high caliber jazz fusion musicians perform at The Baked Potato in Studio City, LA, and a lot of times even their playing was uninspired and mediocre albeit tuneful and tasty.

Moving on, more importantly, everyone I know who has a heart has been disgusted by the murder-killing of Rene Good by an Ice Officer. What can I say about this? It's an outrage and should be denounced by our government but of course with Trump and the Trump administration he has decided to double down and say that Rene Good was in the wrong and that the Ice Officer did the right thing to do what he did. Compare the way the Trump Administration is treating Rene Good with the way they treated Charlie Kirk, that pretty much sums up the divide between the so-called woke far-left and the maga Trump republicans. But the way its being talked about through the media is that this is left-wing versus right-wing but the truth of the matter is that its more about the way American citizens are treated by Ice Officers and those in law enforcement like cops. It's more like a George Floyd killing than anything particularly political, but the media has us all divided on the issue as if it matters that she was a left-winger. I suppose in a way, it does matter, but for me personally, I see Rene Good's killing as like a George Floyd killing, for white people. 

In addition, I think race matters here in this context because I believe white people think that they have certain rights when it comes to law enforcement. Well, this incident rebukes the whole idea that white people have rights when it comes to law enforcement, because we see in this particular incident that Rene Good didn't have rights and that she was seen as something 'less than human,' and this particular Ice Official decided it was in his best interests and that it was okay for him to deny her her human rights, and kill her, murder her. 

Downright chilling stuff. Her story should chill us and warn us that we're not in Kansas anymore. This shows us Americans that Ice has been politized and policed against us as Americans and that if you or anyone is on their list you are in for a lot of trouble. We're probably too far already down the Maga Republican rabbit hole to get out of this deep backwater that we're in. What's the answer to this? I guess the Democrats would have to come to up with some deep strategy to win and take back control in 2028. But there are lots of problems with voting such as the fact that most voters aren't even politically aware or smart enough to make decisions that would be in their own best interests. One man's vote has to equal one man's education and without that, the system develops an outsider character like Trump to somehow win the White House for the second time after being convicted of rape and being two times impeached. And don't forget about the Epstein files. 

Lastly, there's a lot going on and it's hard to follow if you're just one person trying to live your life, provide for yourself and your family, and to be a productive intelligent member of American society. After all, if you're too busy struggling to make money at a job, providing for yourself and your family, and don't have enough time to dedicate to learning and educating yourself, then there's no way you can actually think about how things are so bad in America right now. You have to sort of have some kind of privilege to be able to read the news everyday, learn more about what's really going on in society, read books, educate yourself, these are things that not everybody really has time or space for. In fact, you'll find other people my age are spending their time playing video games, working nonstop at their 9-5 jobs, maybe they drink and/or smoke weed, they gamble, they're doing stocks, they're doing crypto/bitcoin, but most of them aren't politically aware or class conscious to the fact that things are going south very fast, probably faster than I can keep up to even write about in these blogs. Let me rephrase that, they're politically aware, but they're struggling so much that they can't do anything to change the System from within. Even from the last post I wrote, a lot has happened. 

In conclusion, there's a lot we can do but most people are going to be too busy trying to survive and maintain and cope with the life they've been given. We as young people are struggling to maintain the lives we've created for ourselves and our families. Not everybody can sit around and write blog posts about their thoughts or even read the news daily. And this ends up working in the bad guys' favor, because we have developed into an uneducated underclass that is too busy playing video games, gambling, and too busy working all the time in order to survive, that if you even think about the idea of questioning the status quo or the government, or the system itself, you will looked upon as like some kind of weirdo. "Is that a conspiracy too?" You tell me.  

Holidays, End of 2025

Good evening, ladies and gents. I haven't written in a long time so I decided to take some time tonight to jot down some of my thoughts, ideas, activities on everything up to this moment in time-let's say the Holidays and the End of 2025. 

First, I'm glad 2025 is coming to a close. It's been rough for me, and more importantly, for America, and the world, as President Trump is pretty much taking an axe to The Constitution, the Government, and Our Way of Life [in terms of affordability and health insurance/jobs]. I had a bad year, came out of a twelve-year job unemployed for some months, and luckily I was able to land something in the same year because for a while I wasn't sure where I was going to get a job, cash, or even a good hot meal that wasn't ramen with hot dogs. 

And here's the thing, there are many more Americans that were dealt much worse than what I went through. Yeah, I lost my job and had no income for a while, but there are others with families who lost their homes, their jobs, their cars, had to live in shelters or their cars [or warehouses], and are still unable to get into a job. Also, consider the number of people who lost their homes in the Palisades Fire [here in CA]. So yeah, it hasn't been a cakewalk for pretty much every American citizen this year. I know for me personally, this has been the hardest year of my existence out here in California. 

I know for myself personally, I've had to go into hibernation mode and not really go out to too many places or spend too much cash. I only really go to restaurants when I'm spending cash. I haven't been out to the bar or a concert for a year straight. It's a bit like covid 2.0. My new job is okay but they only have limited hours but the volume of work is vast and unwieldy for anyone working there. The work itself isn't hard but the volume is difficult to deal with. This job has drastically changed from the summer up to now, vast changes that have made the work much harder, but I've been hammering through with it, because I know that there aren't really too many other jobs available at this time, and maybe not for months, if not years, especially with this current Administration.

As a result, going into 2026, it doesn't exactly feel great, for me personally, and for all of us Americans. I spent the entire year trying to catch up in terms of my finances and now I'm just barely catching up. And like I said, I think its worse for other Americans with more assets who have families, cars, houses, rent, upkeep, etc. The holidays didn't feel festive this year. My family didn't do gifts at all this year but that's not why it wasn't festive. It wasn't festive because everything has become  much more difficult and we notice it much more often nowadays, everything is out of control in terms of affordability, and things like health insurance might be impossible to get without getting it at a good company job. Like I said, its good to say goodbye to 2025, it was a bad year for our country, for us as Americans, and the word affordability is not a hoax. 

Second, I've been trying to wholly inrich my personal life with lots of literature because otherwise, what's a boy to do? I've been reading a lot and listening to a lot of music-mostly jazz livestreams from a nyc jazz club and a bit of classical like Mozart arias and Bach. I tend to think that without the reading and music my life wouldn't be quite so fun and engrossing. I read 49 books this year, the last book being Charles Dickens, a title called Hard Times, about people living in a lumber mill town. It's dark and gritty but doesn't quite have the strong influential characteristic Dickens voice of say A Tale of Two Cities or David Copperfield, yet it was great. This is an important part. Even when I was at my darkest points this year with little cash, I was still reading, still listening to music, still practicing music, still going to the library. I think that's what kept me resilient, even after going through one of the harder darker chapters of my life out here in California. At one point when it seemed like I wasn't going to find work, I thought about leaving California and moving back to the Midwest, where I'm originally from. But theoretically, it would be difficult to find a job there too, as its a much smaller pool with a lot less resources. You can't really win in terms of the job market right now. And what's crazy is that lots of people I know personally are struggling with work-getting fired, getting laid off, not able to get unemployment, struggling to find another job, forced to work a job that they're overqualified for just to pay rent, etc. The struggle is real right now folks. 

Third, here's a Christmas Eve story for you. I was working my new thrift shop job on Christmas Eve and there was this homeless lady yelling in the front patio area to the side of the front door of our place. A guy was riding his bike past her and she ran and threw him off the bike. He may or may not have been hurt, I didn't really see the full impact of the fall from the cashier stand. 

But he jumped on the homeless women, and beat the crap out of her with his fists pretty hard. He got in maybe 6-7 hard swings on her face, even pushing her down on top of a car while swinging at her. A man from inside my work ran outside and got between them to break up the brawl. The homeless lady sort of came to her senses after that. But Jesus Almighty, what possessed her to tackle a man off his bike? 

I don't condone the man's behavior but you have to admit, if some random lady threw you off your bike, and you were injured, you would probably want to take a few punches to her face, like he did. It was a pretty crazy incident. My co-worker called the cops but they didn't show up. The lady chilled outside for a long time and came inside the store, and just looked around for a bit, bought some clothing, and left. 

I tell this story online as a warning to people who work in stores and retail. At my place I was the only one there after a bit so there's not much I could do. Sometimes when you're dealing with these types of issues you don't want to get involved, especially if you're alone, but sometimes you're going to have to develop psychological tactics in order to deal with this sort of stuff. So when the lady came in I acknowledged her and made her feel welcome but also made her aware that I was there kind of watching. So yeah, that was my Christmas Eve...lol. 

Lastly, I think more and more, I'm beginning to realize that most of the content online in terms of social media, news media, even information from real friends on social media and irl, most information from people you know from your past, now, online, or irl [in real life], I'm beginning to notice that a lot of it is negative based doomer-maxxing sort of content/information. For example, yesterday, I was at the library reading the news and after maybe an hour of reading it, I just felt sick to my stomach, like it was just such awful information to absorb and take in, albeit it may have been important information like about how we were going to rain this week and stuff, although that was one of the less disturbing news even though it sometimes brings mudslides and floods. 

For example, just think about the people you know, knew, work with now/past, family, friends, co-workers, management, a lot of them are telling you some really bad stuff. For example, this might not be the best example, but I remember there were a few girls I was sort of infatuated with even though they didn't really have such nice or great personalities, but I just liked them, and I noticed in a lot of long conversations irl or online, they would often say some messed up stuff to me about myself, my personality, or how I'm too-this or too-that or that's why people don't like me, some kind of messed up doomer-maxxing type stuff. 

This was like a few girls I was in talking stages with. And then I thought maybe I'm the problem? Until I realized that wasn't actually the case, that in actuality everyone's different, and everyone's capable of being an asshole, even when you think they're a pretty girl and should have a nice perky personality. It took me a bit to really understand that. Even girls can be assholes too. I usually prefer to talk to girls and women. Hard lesson on that one, lol. 

Another example of this kind of bad stuff you hear from others is from your management at work. Hardly ever does the Manager or Boss tell you you're doing good, keep it up, and keep bringing the A-Game. Instead, you hear them nagging you, saying you're not doing this, you're not doing that, etc. They're telling you to do it their way and they're changing it all the time and then they're getting mad that you're not getting it, even though they keep changing everything. Another example is family. Family will always be there to tell you you aren't doing enough, you're not good enough, you should do this or you should do that, and then when you try something new they'll tell you, 'you can't be that.' 

In conclusion, I guess the reasons why I'm going into this sort doomer-maxxing type stuff topic is because I notice that this current paradigm of human history is mostly just that. As we go into 2026, you'll begin to realize that genuine people who are good, happy, and have the capacity for happiness have become fewer and fewer in number and you don't really see them in the big crowds or the club or the bar anymore. Maybe you'll only see them online in a post here and there. 

I feel like something has changed. And maybe its not, maybe its not even them, but perhaps just our society as a whole has sort of gone down the drain? You don't wanna go around blaming people even if they are unhappy saps or a-holes or lack a good personality, but after a certain while, if you're one of the good ones, then you're going to have to realize that you and them won't be compatible for long. 

This is a hard lesson for the die-hard good people out there, you know if you know. That girl you liked that called you out numerous times, yeah she's a rotten apple lol. That co-worker that you get along with but who complains to you 24/7, yeah you probably aren't good with that person in the long run. That management that ratted you out and got you fired, yeah there's a special place in hell for that guy. LOL, you get the picture. In a Matrix where everyone is doomer-maaxing/scrolling and complaining about every element of their life, be the child who has his own. 

If you don't hear back from me soon, happy new year! 

November Thoughts

Good day early morning readers. 

Here I'd like to jot down some ideas that I've been thinking about lately or within the last time of writing. First, is it just me or has American society become and/or has always been like a pay-to-play subscription? Hear me out. You have to pay for rent to live in a place if you don't own it, you have to pay for food, you have to pay to go to work if you drive there in your car or even take the bus, you have to pay to go out to bars/clubs if you want easy cheap entertainment, and if you're a homebody you will most likely spend money on streaming services, movies, and/or video game computers and/or systems. So where exactly is America, home of the Brave, right now?

I would say not in good place. Think about everyone you have ever interacted with on a personal level, how are they really doing? Would they be mad to hear that you're doing better than them? In this sort of climate, it's hard to even define what a better life would even be. For me a better life would be playing music in bars, making money off it, and not working a day job. Or perhaps becoming a day writer and somehow writing novels that somehow sell millions of copies. Or even running a small record shop in China or Japan, being the only black guy in a small area. Or, this would ironically be the easiest one, to marry a wealthy girl and still pursue all these other things with her. 

But it seems most people I know or have interacted with on a personal basis are not doing good. Neither am I really. I'm living but I'm not thriving. At this middle age of life, I should be doing a lot more and thriving. Oftentimes, we know what we should be doing but we keep getting distracted in life by various things, people, work, family, and friends that we forget the reasons why we are living and what we should be doing and we're not pursuing our true goals. It's like going to a job, it's good because it provides you money in order to pay rent and buy food but overall, a job isn't going to make you reach your goals faster, in fact, its going to be a hindrance to it. For me, working jobs has slowed down my growth and lowered my ability to be creative and think outside the box. Working, ironically, has become a hindrance to me.

It seems the more people you know now and the more people you knew in the past, the more you know about people, their lives, and their goals, and how and if they go about achieving it. Some people inspire you and you can grow with their help, but only for a little while. Other people are sinking more and more into the abyss, even girls you really like. It's hard to figure out where you stand and everyday is a struggle in order to figure out who you truly are. 

It's hard to figure out if anyone is even real or authentic anymore these days, online especially, but even people you know personally and see day to day, a lot of them are living a lie. I've had a few strange off occurrences that make me truly believe than even some of the people around you who you think are really good people are actually working towards and/or trying to hurt you, defame you, or ruin you behind your back. This is kind of dark but last year I was laid off from my job and when I called the work union about it I told them my situation and they told me that so-and-so, a female manager I worked for six years before this incident, had called them and said something to them about my case, even though she wasn't there, and there's no telling what she might have said, it could've been really negative, thus encouraging them to get rid of me. I only say that because when I asked what she said about me, they said some negative things about it. 

There's a darkside to the soft underbelly of Los Angeles. Like sometimes, people from your past, like past jobs or old friends and acquaintances will want to keep tabs on you but not for good reason. They'll ask you questions about what you're doing, what job you're doing now, and that you should be doing this and that instead, and this and that. And you're just wondering, why does this person want to know all this stuff about me? And it makes you wonder who they're reporting the information to. There's this funny black youtuber I've watched and as he says, "We are trying living in the worst times of history, people showing their horns, its like you're truly alone."

I've seen the darkside of the Los Angeles valley over my entire tenure out here, although technically I'm just visiting from the Midwest. I will probably leave when the time is right. But back to the darkside. I was a part of a small friends group where the leader of the pack, my friend, was sort of going off the rails. He lost his girlfriend, was about to lose his apartment, and pack everything up to leave to go live in a different city, kind of far away. He was doing coke and lsd and weed/beer and just in general very scatterbrained, paranoid, and crazy. I mentioned this to other friends of the group and they told him and he instantly came at me hard and said we can't be friends anymore. This is a guy I was friends with for like ten years. All the guys in the group were friends for at least ten years and when he broke the friendship with me, he must've told them to stop talking to me too, because after that none of them ever responded to my messages and calls, except for one guy in the group. Looking back on it, I think I did a good job warning the other guys that he was on a crazy binge and that they should be weary. If I was a spiritual person, I would say that he was a sort of demon, or possessed. Ironically, I was sort of glad to be rid of him, because being around someone like that isn't fun because they're always only seeing the negativity of life and making you see through their demon-infused lenses. 

I'll leave you with another weary tale. I was at work at this clothing shop gig and this guy called out to me in the storeroom that somebody had taken down the clothes off a manakin [it might've been him]. The guy manakin has like a little junk pouch, so I had to put some pants on it to cover it up. The guy took a picture of the naked manakin and he said, "I'm going to send this to corporate." I said, "Okay," calling his bluff. Then I took some pants and put it on the manakin and he took another picture of me doing that and said "look at this picture, I'll use it to blackmail you," I called his bluff again and just said, "Okay," nonchalantly. Then he proceeded to tell me about how he wanted an item off a manakin and an employee told them they couldn't have it until the manager takes it down at the end of the month. And how he had to go through hoops and make a lot of phone calls to get the clothing off the manakin. Okay, so you get where I'm going with this story. This is a possibly psychotic individual, maybe he's even under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, because usually people don't get to this level of pettiness without being altered by substances. 

Why am I writing about all this? It's mostly a cautionary tale. Not everything is a coincidence. And believe it or not, there are people who are out to get you. I'm not afraid to leave my stoop or anything but I do realize that most of the people in my inner circle that I was actively engaging with and talking to, hanging out with, and meeting with at bars/clubs were in fact bad actors. They might not have been straight up demons [demons are mostly people who don't know you personally] but they had bad intentions, and being around them so often dimmed my light. Not that I'm a saint either, but generally I have a much better more positive attitude than everybody I've ever met. It's nothing special, it's innate. 

Lastly, I guess I write this to say, yeah, we're in dark times. Remain in light. 

The Downward Spiral of the Times

Hello world. Here I'd like to write an improvisatory speel about the downward spiral of the times we're currently living in, in 2025. 

    First off, this isn't just hard times, this is weird. The amount of division within our society is so bad its almost like civil war in wherever you go, whatever you do, say, or think. That's a bit excessive but just look upon how the Trump administration has handled Charlie Kirk's death. Instead of simply saying prayers for the guy and saying he was cool for right-wingers, they've decided to make the man a martyr for their cause-the right wing agenda. Them doing so has sowed more division and discord, more than even the shooter simply shooting the guy. In fact, right now most people could care less about the shooter and why he did it and they're more focused on the fallout, including the suspension of Jimmy Kimmel for simply mentioning that the shooter maybe was MAGA. 

    Moving on, you'll find that the division doesn't simply stop at politics or the fallout of Charlie Kirk's death. You'll find that you maybe won't be able to get along with certain family members, friends, coworkers, managers, maybe even some stranger will look at you in public with the evil eye for no apparent reason. Now, I'm not saying that everyone hates your guts, but maybe if you're noticing that you're getting more dislike and hate from others around you, you need to realize that sometimes its not you, it's them, it's a symptom of the times that we're currently living in. 

    Next, maybe you've played the good guy so long that you know that there's no way anyone can really truly hate you, well, in this current climate of discord, you'll find that no matter how good of a person you are, you will receive hate from certain individuals around you and even from strangers. I would say you have to trust no one in this particular society and times. In a way you have to even be critical of yourself in certain moments and situations, not just others. You need to be extra critical of the people closest to you, and especially critical of people that know or knew you in the past, and even more critical of strangers, especially in public.  

    In addition, I'm a person consuming a lot of media. I'm on YouTube, video games, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, NyTimes, LAtimes, washington post, MSNBC, and a lot of the media people are consuming may not be good for you. In fact, a lot of media out there is downright brain rot. I don't want to be too critical of the news here as I think more young people need to watch/read the news, but I've noticed that a lot of the left wing news media has turned more to the right, which is a bit alarming. Especially since the Kirk incident. 

    Lastly, people that disagree with you, call you out and condemn you in super harsh ways for lightly expressing your opinions are probably the most dangerous to you. We all have a right to share our thoughts and express our opinions and if somebody doesn't like what you have to write/say, then there's plenty of other media for them to go to. But in today's age, you'll find that you personally won't really be able to fully express yourself anymore. Part of it is the fact that simply saying what you truly think or believe is dangerous, and the other part of it is that people that don't like it will hurt/harm you for doing so, if they are so inclined. 

    In conclusion, I would go so far as to say that most people out there [including friends/family/people that used to/know you now/meet in the future] will end up screwing you over and backstabbing you if you aren't watching closely and take a step away from them. Trust me, this happened to me with countless friends, family, managers/jobs, my old work union, and even newer current people in my life. I hate to say it but it's going to get worse. Try to find some peace. Peace is the way. 

Watch this space. 

New Horizons, Incoming Labor Day Weekend

 

Hello world. How are you doing? It seems like the world has changed so much since even the last post early this month about the novel Three Body Problem. I was reading a lot of novels nonstop. In fact, this year, since January, I've read 25 novels. In addition, I've started using ChatGPT consistently. I try not to  use it as a crutch for writing and/or actual ideas I have but rather as a sort of backup/double check on certain things. 

For example, today my friend came over and was having an issue connecting his laptop to the internet web browser, and I asked it a few questions about possible fixes and troubleshooting. I also use it for questions about novels and albums of particular jazz artists and Zappa albums. It's gotten to the point where I'm using it more than google, which is downright fascinating but I'm aware that I'm becoming attached to it a bit too much. For example, I wouldn't want to use ChatGPT to write this blog post. That would be a bridge too far. 

Moving on, what I'm mainly posting about today is more about a change of seasons. I moved on from my retail grocery job of twelve years and am now working at a thrift shop. It's not a glamorous job but it is a big change and there is room for advancement into management in the future. Pay is what the market will bear but the hours are reasonable and usually I get home around 9 pm. That is a huge plus for me because at the grocery job I was working till 1 am nearly every night for twelve years. So there's some good change here. 

In addition, the place is small, only has a few employees [but will be hiring more soon], and you answer to one main manager, and another bigger manager above him. My coworkers are very nice and they've done their best to train me my first two weeks so far. There's still certain things I need to go over and really get down better but overall I really like the work. There's a cashiering element to the job but it's not as intense as grocery store cashiering. There's a daily nightly report that gets emailed to the bigger manager that I have to learn to write faster and get down better. But overall, it's a job, with opportunities for advancement, and because it's not a glamorous job, I think there's safety there. 

Also, I think I lucked out with this job because right now the job market is cooked, as Gen Z says. There was a report in the nytimes about how this past month, in New York there was only 1,000 jobs added, which is insane, because I think there are more people in New York than in LA, so we're probably not doing too well with adding and filling jobs in LA either. 

Moving on, I got laid off from my grocery store job back in January, around the beginning of that month. Keep in mind that I didn't quit or want to leave. They sort of forced me out, a sort of forced being laid off. So I've been unemployed for seven months. It was a rough period. I would say it was second worst time of my entire life. I went through a lot of severe depression and had constant nightmares. For about three of those months I could barely get out of bed.

My daily routine consisted of getting up as early as I could, cleaning up, looking/applying to jobs online, going to places in person and handing out my resume and asking if they're hiring [which most managers didn't really appreciate], and getting tons of rejection emails. Out of about 65 jobs, [15-20 of them being the same job applied to more than once over a period of a couple months], I got four job interviews, went to three of them, and got the fourth one at this thrift store. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to stay in retail grocery because that's my primary job experience but it just didn't work out. In fact, the first three interviews were all at grocery stores, and I think I would've been a bit happier at a grocery store but again, it didn't work out. So this is the next step going forwards. 

Lastly, as the job market, economy, government, immigration system, and healthcare system collapse all around me, all I have to say is that as bad as those seven months being unemployed were, it actual wasn't as bad as it could've been. I had some savings to buy food and live on. I've spent a lot of money on that and want to replenish some of my savings with this new job. But more importantly than saving money or having money, I think right now just having a job is more important than ever. 

I don't want to be all about doom and gloom but the system is collapsing. It has been for a while but most people are in denial about it and the government/news never say that we're in a bad depression right now. I think its a lot worse than it looks. There was a shooting at a Catholic school yesterday that ended with the loss of two young lives, that shook the nation. I don't think it will get better and I don't think there will be gun reform as a result of this incident. 

In the worst of my moments being unemployed I seriously thought about giving up my groovy lifestyle in California to go back to the Midwest and live with my Mom, and help her out, especially now that she's getting older. With the way things are going for me here, I still might do that in the end. I've found that people I knew and know here in California were nice people at the time and we might have been friends for a while, but not every friendship lasts. I happen to think that the friends I made out here in California are much more narcissistic than my friends from the Midwest. Not only friends but a lot of managers at the retail grocery job were narcissistic as well. It kind of makes you wonder if there's something in the air here in California? 

Watch this space.    

Things I learned From Shows in Los Angeles

Letter from the composer: [sends me chords to play on piano]

Me: Thanks, I'll check them out. 

Happy New Year. Kind of bummed out with a work situation at the moment. But the music is keeping me going. The last couple nights I've been going to shows at the bar and figuring out how the sound technician gets all the sounds. I figured it out. 

There are monitors, subwoofers inside the bar on the top of corners on the ceiling. 

The owner only wants the sound tech to only use the brand new [digital equipment]. But he doesn't want to because he likes a more traditional system. 

The owners says the traditional system is too loud. So he can't use it every night. So he's been loading different equipment [a more fancier analog system] all by himself for different nights in a large SUV style van. Not good because the guy is 64 years old. 

The answer to this dilemma is that he must use a smaller sound system for each and every night. But he doesn't want to because he wants to do what he wants, and is reluctant to do anything the owner says because they've been working together for a long time and they have some sort of dispute about it. 

However, the sound technician showed me the older more basic [analog log system that's very small] and I saw that everything that it had was acceptable and could work within the small confines of a small local Encino bar. 

So, you find that the sound systems used to record music are not important at all to the sound of the recording. 

Rather, it is the direction of sound that is placed or pointed at the audience that determines the sound more than anything else. 

In conclusion, theoretically speaking, you could record a classical music album on an iphone 12. 

Keep in mind, this guy used to run sound for Black Flag.

Happy New Year! 

Juneteenth 2024: Honoring Freedom's Triumph and Embracing Unity in Today's Narrative

On Juneteenth 2024, amidst the commemoration of historic strides towards freedom and unity, the air resonates with both celebration and profound reflection.

     How's it going out there? Everything going alright? Hello world. 

     First, I'd like to talk about work. There's been a lot of buzz at my grocery store job because recently there was a beating. It was captured on our store cameras, which somehow was handed over to the news, which is actually a big no-no inside our company. Apparently, there's an agreement sheet employees have to sign stating that if ever there arises any incidences in the store, we are not to talk to the media about it. An older employee, manager of the online department, an adult male, 50 years old, stopped a shoplifter earlier that day, a black lady, and she left without being able to steal her items. 

     However, later that day, she came back with two 'friends,' who accosted our employee from behind while he was working. He was beat up, and they even beat him with the garbage can. He seemed fine, as he was at work the next day, he didn't have too many bruises, but he was deeply rattled by the experience. When the news came to our store to ask to interview him, his answer was, 'no comment,' smart man, as he knows we're not supposed to talk to the media about whatever incidents might occur. 

     However, that's not all there is to the story. There seems to be more. On top of a customers being now scared to shop at our store [I actually had a few customers tell me they will be avoiding our store for a while, probably resulting in a small loss of business], I believe there is still fallout left to be had regarding this beating video incident. Management has become very tight lipped about it, and I believe shits rolling downhill in terms of some shit that might be about to go down. Managers are tight-lipped right now to the point where they appear rude and uncaring and mean to both employees and customers, which means that probably somebody is going to get in a lot of trouble; like perhaps a writeup, or suspension, something of that sort. Why? Because we as employees and managers aren't allowed to share video, talk about, or share any information regarding incidents that occur in the store. So the question is who did it and why? 

     So now, it's been a week later, possibly upper management will find out who went into the backroom, got the camera footage, and released it to the public news, and at some point someone will probably be punished for it. Why shouldn't they be punished? Think about it, we don't really know the reason why whoever did this released the video to the public news. They 'said [according to the news],' that they wanted the video out there because they want people to recognize the perpetrators in the video and hopefully they can be charged and/or punished legally. But I have to ask myself this question, did they release the video to the public news for cash money? So now I can see why certain managers in particular are angry, tight lipped, and/or confused on the job right now. There's a shit storm brewing! 

     Lastly on this issue, I'm not a big fan of upper management at my work, because they're major assholes that probably do deserve a good beating here and there because they low-ball hardworking people and pay them lower than they deserve, but my question to whatever management that released the store camera video of the beating to the public news, did you really think you would outsmart upper management? Only time will tell. 

     So, the store has become more hardcore. I've said this at other times throughout the years right here on this blog, especially during the plague journal covid years, but I think now it is at its worst point. It was almost to the breaking point during the covid years but somehow nothing major really happened, it's a blessing, as those were difficult years with lots of irate customers that sometimes wanted to get physical. 

     Well, now our old lady security guard doesn't work at night. Now, at night we have beefy armed security guards that are bigger than me [I'm 6 ft, 240  pounds], so the store is being much more closely guarded and secured by armed security. It has helped a lot but now I have that creeping unsuspecting feeling that the store has become like some sort of 'Big Brother is Watching You Zone,' which is totally not what I wanted, but it does seem to have made the job easier because I don't have to confront shoplifters as much, because armed security is already on it. 

     In addition, the store has had a Big Brother Watching You vibe for as long as I can remember, because upper management has a camera up above every cashier as they're working, 24/7, recording, but now it's got this added aggressive element, which, again, makes the job easier, but it is not the most comfortable vibe to work or shop. I think this is how most stores have become in America. Not really the kinds of places I would want to shop, especially if you're black, because most of the time, security guards in retail environments think blacks and hispanics are the most common perps, and in these businesses they're the ones who usually get caught stealing red-handed.

     Also, I wasn't really going to go here but because its Juneteenth, I saw Charlemane Tha God [a radio personalty] on Bill Maher last night and he said something that I think resonates with black America. He said if you're black in America you have to work five times as hard as a white person to get the same success. I think this quote speaks volumes to black people and people of color in general, not just black people. I think about my struggles and contradictions. Most of the newer staff at my work are young and dumb and they complain about the work most of the time they are there. One guy keeps complaining about doing carts all the time. I replied and told him that I pushed carts for years before I became a main-time cashier. And they reply back with a whip saying, "I'm not going to stay here as long as you did, you worked too hard for them," which you know, is a pretty dumb rebuttal, but hey, what can you do? I know for sure who has it in them to be a hard worker and who is a whiner and complainer and isn't helping the work staff on that fabled night shift I'm working on. 

     However, I think the quote says volumes. I would say as a black person in California, from out of the state, I worked five times harder than most white people I've known in my entire life, not just the ones from California, but also the ones from my home state of Wisconsin. Now, just because I know I worked five times harder than them doesn't mean that I think I'm better than them, it just means that I struggled more and persevered more. Is it because of my race? Yes, to a large degree, but that's how it is in America. Immigrants and people of color have to work harder than white people to compete in the same arena and get the same kind of success, that's just the reality. If you don't acknowledge this reality, you aren't living in America. But this doesn't mean that black people will work five times harder, not every black person will do that, some will barely work hard, and fall behind in the economic spectrum, or have to rely on a rich girlfriend or wife to support them. I think Biden's executive order allowing immigrants to become citizens via wives/husbands family was a big win for Juneteenth day. I know most immigrants that come here are usually hispanic but I think right now Biden needs to appeal to working class people of color to make sure he secures the votes to win this election. 

     Lastly, there's lots of reading, guitar, piano, ai art, political news, good meals, and good jazz and opera going around in my life but there's a feeling that the social culture is and has been collapsing. I find that the people I know or used to know are kind of lazy, dumb, and they all want to get rich quick. Nobody wants to work hard the traditional way, working a regular job and clocking in hours, like a moral conservative. 

     Instead, they've turned to these schemes and get out of jail tricks that they think will save their bacon so they don't have to work a 9 to 5 under a boss. One friend thinks inheriting stuff is the key, one friend to become a real estate guy, one friend to work multiple jobs and pay our friend rent, one guy to be an armed ATM security guard, one guy wants to become a full-time paid bassist but has no original songs and a weak voice. These guys are planning to break open pandora's box and hopefully it will save their bacon inshallah. 

     But again, nobody is staying consistent, working hard, building up, living clean and spiritually, having good energy with people they meet even on a bad day, and working their way up anymore. Now, people think they can get rich quick and that they don't need to pay their dues. It's deeply saddening and troubling. Because, in a sense, I see that most of the young and even older people around me are delusional. But hey, what can you do, its retail, right? I'm working the next nine days straight starting tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck, God Speed. 

*Have a safe Juneteenth everybody, also summer covid is a thing, lots of people are getting sick*

John Lennon: It can't get much worse [Covid 2022]

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was covid times during the second month of 2022. Here I thought I'd jot down some notes on what life's been like during this stage of the pandemic, two years running, with no end in sight. 

Okay, so for starters, if you haven't kept up to date on my writings about what retail grocery has been like, be sure to go back and read this most recent most on the subject, here. Thumbs up if you have a thing for the common working class man like myself. 

There's a deep sense of animosity at this point in the pandemic. Americans are more divisive than ever. Customers want to fight me at the checkout line for almost anything nowadays. My most trusted friends, family, and associates are all in the dull drums, saying that they're owed much more in this world. That their jobs, their social circles, their vast quality of "stuff," isn't good enough, and that things are quote, "shitty,". Well, to play up to the satire, "was their whole lives anything else but that?" 

But let's be kind. But no, seriously, none of the people I associate with have really been heavily impacted upon by the pandemic. Rather, almost all of them has flourished and seem to be in perfect health. Oh, fancy that! 

But there seems to be this endless dread going on everywhere around me. It's possible that these people simply aren't happy, they simply lack the capacity for happiness, or the satirist in me will sometimes go on to believe that it could simply be a ruse or charade, one meant to simply fit in and be conformist. Hey, everybody's miserable, I should pretend to be miserable like them to see if they like me more! Misery loves company! I'm a miserables! I like to believe I haven't lost my sense of humor out of these some 700 posts. 

Things are getting better all the time. My life is awash with high culture: music, books, nature, good health, good demeanor, and general happiness and well being. Now, I'm not a guy who's particularly rich in anything in particular, except possibly a capacity for happiness. So what's wrong with all these other people? Well you know what Sartre says about that. "Hell is other people."

Covid America has taken on a sly fake sardonic smile. Every customer at the checkout line has become a hooligan. Even some of my friends, coworkers, and associates have become hooligans. In a world where everybody says everything "sucks," or its "shitty," how can you stay cool and level headed when the world outside your house is super negative and shitty themselves? I think they're probably out to lunch [Frank Zappa]. 

In other news I've been reading Orlando Innamorato. A classic romance knight errantry story from Italy during the 16th century. I happened to read Ariosto's Orlando Furioso, which is the sequel to Orlando Innamorato. I liked it so much I decided to back and read the first installment, written by Matteo Maria Boiardo. And tonight a customer from work is donating to me a Fender Stratocaster guitar. Oh, happy day! 

But now I've come to the end of this story. A new tale awaits in the next coming days. Watch this space, eight days a week! 

How To Really Listen

Brainstorming some ideas on what subject to write upon tonight brought me to this simple idea: How do you really listen? How do you listen to music? How do you listen to people?

The idea came to me when I was listening to some Vivaldi just now. By the way, I love baroque music, especially Vivaldi, and the Four Seasons piece. Those fast violins burn and shred hard.

First, I'll share my thoughts about how to listen to music and then how to listen to people after.

I can hear the grass grow.

So first of all, these are simply my ideas on what's best. What might be right for me might not be your cup of tea. That being said, the best way to listen to music is by listening to music with a good pair of headphones or speakers. Headphones are the best. Then, make sure you have EQ bars that have predefined presets so you can always put the music's tone on a good sound easily without messing around too much.

The next step is critical. When you listen to music, only listen to the music. Don't scroll through Facebook, don't read the news, don't read random articles, don't talk. The only way you can truly respect and enjoy the music is by giving it your full, undivided attention. So when I started writing this blog I turned off the music and put down my headphones. Why? Because you have to give the task at hand your full, undivided attention, for that is the only way you can truly enjoy it and give it the credit it deserves. Think of all the people who mindlessly do one thing while doing another. They can't really get the benefit of doing the one thing because they're doing another, they're doing themselves a disservice. 

In addition, it should be added that you must listen not only to the lyrics of the singer [most of you listen to bands with singers] but you must also learn to isolate the sounds of the bass, guitar, drums, and keyboards. Likewise, if you're a big classical connoisseur like myself, you must learn to recognize the chords/melodies, the chords/melodies of the brass, the chords/melodies of the strings, etc. Once you can recognize the melodies and chords coming from all the different instruments, then you can truly enjoy it. If you just sit there and mindlessly listen without putting all of this into consideration, it's sort of empty and soulless. Sure, you might be able to pick out a simple melody here or there, but only if the song hits you over the head with it. You have to learn to isolate chords and melodies, no matter how cluttered the sound is. That's where things get difficult, especially when you're a musician trying to learn a new song on the guitar, or a classical musician trying to learn to play in a huge orchestra. By the time you can figure out how to do all this, your ear will become trained; you'll be able to recognize intervals, chords, melodies, rhythms, scales, modes, all of it, and your appreciation for music will go through the roof. If you can't do this stuff mentioned here then your ear will always be mediocre and although you'll enjoy a good beat or riff here or there, you'll never get to that full music appreciation. It's like a guitar player who only plays power chords. If you've never played a jazz or a classical chord then you haven't done your homework. Essentially, you'll always be a rookie.

You say yes, I say no.

So you've done all the above and you can fully appreciate AND enjoy music. Congrats! That's all super hard work and it takes a lifetime to really enjoy and master, musician or not. Always remember that the people who listen to music as background noise can't appreciate and enjoy the music the same way you do, they will always lack that special something, the secret sauce so to speak; you're a seasoned connoisseur now.

Now you apply your listening skills from music to listening to people, listening to words. Reading helps a lot with this but that's for another blog. The white noise that can bleed into your auditory senses will always be there whether its background music inside your work, cars driving by, other people talking, even the wind blowing will be noticeable to your ears, even thoughts in your own head can clutter sound. You have to isolate the sound the same way you isolate the sound when you listen to music. Some people are low note baritone talkers, others are midrange brass, others are more of high violin notes. Identifying, clarifying, and isolating their voices will be key.

One of the interesting things that will occur once you're at this stage is that you will begin to hear a lot more; more of everything. A lot of people talk to themselves, say something meant just for themselves, and you'll even pick up these things too. It's not really that important but it's a behavioral tick that a lot of people have. Other times people will blatantly say something really quiet but is meant for you to hear. For example, perhaps a cute girl wants to give you a compliment but is a little shy? Or how about a passive-aggressive comment from someone you pissed off somehow. There's always something. Hell, you'll even realize that sometimes people whisper random stuff. Weird, I know. But you'll pick it up along the way.  

The most important thing is that you're there listening. It isn't really that important what you say. If you're around people that genuinely like you, it never matters what you say, only that you listen. You can choose to listen in a passive way, almost like your not even there, or you can be more outgoing and create exchanges of sentences with people, either method works. The most important thing is to try not to interrupt someone when they're talking. If you miss some things, hey, nobody is perfect. Listening to people is very similar to listening to music; it's all ear training, recognition, call, and response. Essentially all it is is language games, even music is just that to some extent. Next thing you know you'll be able to transcribe your nervous exchange with the hottest girl you've seen all week. Or that frantic police squad car/helicopter chase down the freeway going 100 miles per hour.

I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello.

August Update

Hello, everybody. I thought I'd write down a what's up post. I haven't been writing for some time now and perhaps just writing anything can get my back into the groove of things. So what's up?

I've been still doing my retail gig at the market. They took away our hazard pay after only 2 months but supposedly our union is trying to get it reinstated. I still can't believe that they took it away when COVID has only got worse. Keep in mind that the company is a million-dollar organization. How's that for a big fuck you to your employees? Jokes aside, I really do hope they reinstate the hazard pay. It's only an additional $2 an hour but every little bit helps. They also need to stop kicking their workers in the balls. 

Nevermind the fact that our chances of catching COVID are still super high there. Nobody cleans anything, not that I blame them. The customers are at a super high risk of catching COVID there too because nobody cleans anything. They could probably get it from touching the payment pinpad. The customers leave their masks and gloves in the carts for other customers to be surprised by when they grab the carts. Sometimes my community disgusts me. In a way, it's brought out the real me. You see, about 90% of the customers treat me like human garbage there, while maybe only about 10% treats me like a human being. I have to treat them accordingly if you get my drift.

For the last three months, I got switched to morning shifts. It was a big deal and I wasn't fond of it but I got used to it and enjoyed the free time at night to hang out with friends and family. Well, now I'm back to my usual night shift, which I've been doing for the last couple of years. It's not fun but I'm used to it. And after working mornings for the last couple of months, I actually miss the mornings, the morning coworkers, the better preparation, the extra help. Everything's easier during the morning and daytime when everybody is there. When you have a full staff to run things, you get a lot more done. At night our managers don't give us enough personnel to get everything done. So consequently, not much gets done. 

I've been using my nights to relax and smell the coffee. I'm trying to find a new way to live during COVID. It's very difficult and stressful at times. My job has become a lot more stressful and more of the customers are assholes all the time now. Them not being able to go out and party, on top of not having work, or having their kids at school, it's set them off. They're driving me and my coworkers crazy. This is not a good time for retail or any kind of store operation. If you have to go into a store, treat the workers really well. At the beginning of the pandemic, they were heroes, now the customers are treating them like shit. 

I spend most of my time reading books on my Kindle or on YouTube, where I can listen to my precious music, quite possibly the only thing keeping me going at the moment. My friends are there for me but they can't be there all the time. And I don't want to bother my family too much, I feel like I've been a burden to them. I realize I need to eventually spread my painted bird wings and fly out of the nest. Perhaps when this whole virus thing ends once and for all. 

I've been thinking about moving in somewhere with some roommates. Or with closer friends. Or perhaps joining a hippie commune somewhere? That would be like the ultimate hippie move and I would perhaps even be down to do it, provided my other plans in life don't work out the next few years or so. That would be so wild, born to be wild.

As you can tell, I've just been pretty stressed at the retail gig. But not only that. About a month or so ago, I sprained my right-hand pinkie, and playing the guitar isn't the same. It might be another month for it to completely heal IF it completely heals. If it doesn't heal, playing the guitar will never be the same. In a way, I've been super pissed ever since the day it happened, long story about that but I won't go into the excruciating details. But let's put it this way if you're a guitar player and you get a finger injury, the only thing you really have to say to everybody is, "go fuck yourself, fuck you." That sums it up perfectly.

But there's good news too. I've finished Livy's Early History of Rome and started reading Don Quixote again. Perhaps I'll finally get back to blogging about books again and albums. The whole lifestyle/rant blogging style has sort of run its course somewhat for the time being. Thanks for listening.

Enjoy your evening. 

How Social Media Propels and Fuels Our Ignorance

Social media is a godsend in today's day and age. Think about it this way. I'm not a paid gigging writer but because I write daily on here my ideas are shown to countless thousands of people. Without it, I don't know if I would still be doing the blog. Would it be worth it if nobody read my writing?

Social media is important. But there comes a time when we have to see it for what it is and realize that deep down, social media propels and fuels our ignorance.

I'm a smart guy. I work in retail where most of the workers and bosses aren't so smart. I'm a big fish in a small pond in that aspect. When I go online on Facebook and interact with countless friends, peers, or even acquaintances, it's like my job times a million. What I mean to say is that intelligence drops down and everything else turns up to eleven. You can now see my point clearly. 

The problem is that social media has become a cesspool for bots, scammers, provocateurs, and hackers. Some of these are very easy to spot, others much less so. Most people on Facebook go on there to have a good time; they see what's new with friends and family, they like a few posts, they may or may not post something themselves, and then they continue on with their lives. But other people, myself included, often spend a lot of time on Facebook, not really sure what we're looking for, but we know it when we get it, that shot of dopamine; oh somebody liked my stuff! 

Of course, that's only one way of seeing Facebook. The other side of Facebook that I'm seeing right now is a lot more sinister than what it was originally intended for. After the brutal murder video of George Floyd was shown on social media, it's clear to say that pretty much everyone has seen it. Unless you live under a rock. But it's already having a bad ripple effect. Now there are pictures and videos of white people posing with their knee on their friends' necks, smiling, in a mockery of the murder of George Floyd. 

On top of that, the nationwide protests have sowed much discord on social media. My friends are my friends. Meaning that most of them are well to do, college-educated, professional people who, although they've never been brutalized by a cop before, they stand in solidarity with black and brown people and support them in the cause for more rules and regulations to stop these murders of black and brown men by police officers. It's what you would expect. But, at the same time, I think that just agreeing to stand with black people in and of itself isn't a solution, rather it's almost like a pat on the back, "my people systematically destroyed your race, and I'm sorry, but this is the most I can do," I get it. We get it, white people, you realize that the white power structure is rigged against blacks and you're sorry for it. But there's only so much I can take of my white friends posting BLM memes. The truth is that to be a true ally of black people you have to go a much farther mile, one that most white people wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. You can't just protest right now and say, "I'm an honorary black man now." It doesn't work like that.  

So I've seen a lot of that. And I've also seen a lot from the alt-right and conservative side as well. Now, I don't have too many alt-right friends but I have many conservative friends who are older than me. In terms of the alt-right, I've seen a lot of political propaganda supporting Trump and justifying the brutalization by police to protesters. I see a lot of young people that are Trump supporters trolling the left in posts, asking them questions, about facts. When has Trump or his base ever cared about facts? The reality is that it is Trump's actions that warrant his removal from office. Although he never tells the facts either. He always lies about everything. "I didn't hide in that bunker from the protesters, I was inspecting the bunker, I inspect bunkers." 

As far as my older conservative friends go, I can sometimes see their point of view. They're business owners and some of them even protected their businesses with guns out on the streets where looting took place. They support Trump no matter what but some of them also think that there's no right or left, they're both corrupt, but for whatever reason they still support Trump. Most of these people are in their 40s/50s, they have money, and some of them are musicians. The musicians lean more heavily towards the libertarian idealogy like the 1970s never ended. 

When you interact with all of that going on, as a real, legitimate person, you see that's all rather a waste of your time and efforts unless you want to come to some sort of understanding. When someone takes the time to agree with you on something they just read it off for a second, either react to it or don't, and then leave it forever in a vacuum. The people that really interact the most are the provocateurs, the ones that want to rile you up, the internet trolls that the internet is based on.    

Not to mention the countless articles that are distributed on social media. This is what people construe as facts. But the sad reality is that most of the articles I see shared on social media aren't from fact worthy websites. In fact, they're from crappy websites run on the old javascript engine, where there are ads in the news articles. Has nobody on social media ever heard of the guardian, the LAtimes, the NYTimes, or the daily news? How about WSJ? Nope, I've hardly ever seen articles from any of those reputable periodicals. But I see plenty of news from Buzzfeed. Some from Slate and Politico. Those last two aren't bad but still.

The fact that people use these illegitimate sources to prove their points and to show off facts, shows that we live in an era where facts don't matter, as these sources often report fake news, false facts, like the President himself. It's like 24/7 Fox News. This is a grievous blow to the historical accuracy of this time period we're all living in and to real journalism, which still takes place sometimes by people like Rachel Maddow and the Washingtonpost staff journalists like Robert Costa, Phillip Ruecker, and Ashley Parker. 

Moving forward, I think we all have to be a lot smarter when using social media. Things have changed so drastically from 2016 to 2020. Remember, social media was used by Russian hackers to help get Trump elected. Is that the kind of election we want to continue to have in the future? So we have to be more vigilant in detecting falsehoods from shared articles, proving, or disproving facts. Not only does the article have to report the facts but they have to get every detail of the facts right otherwise their merit is diminished and supports their enemies. You got that?  

This is a difficult thing to write about. I'm sure there are plenty of other people who agree with me on this or have similar thoughts on the topic. Personally, I only log into Facebook a couple times a day. After checking it out for five minutes I log off. By logging off it forces me to reset and think about if I really want to go back again and for what purpose. The times have not been kind to social media. And although the movement of the protests has been spearheaded by social media, remember that it was the widespread sharing of the brutal murder that sparked all this unrest in the first place. There was an anti-lynching bill today. Well, that brutal murder video was a lynching for the entire world to see. The internet has become an angry mob, but to what purpose, only time will tell.  I'm hopeful that positive things can happen out of all this. 

Lastly, I want to conclude by saying that one of the problems with social media is that your friends agree with you and those that don't, well they aren't your friends and you unfriend them because they're Trump supporters, too far left, or too far right, and not centrist enough. That's why I actually like having conservatives on my friend's list because I don't want to only interact with people who agree with me. To understand the complexity of the situation, you have to sometimes put yourself in another person's shoes, so if I can see why this 40-year-old businessman supports Trump no matter what, maybe I can learn more about what makes him or her tick, and come to an understanding between us, between them and the left, and the world. It's all about understanding. Of course, I disagree with them but when I see their points they make in favor of or against certain issues, I can see the slips and cracks where their reasoning is faulty, and show them the reason why they're wrong, explaining it to them in a way that we don't have to fight or attack each other, but recognize each other as fellow Americans with the right to share and express our ideas.

Sometimes you're being attacked not because you're black but because you're the smartest guy in the room. Always have friends that are not just allies, but are as smart as, or smarter than yourself, you want more of those kinds of friends. This ensures that if you make a blunder, they can always swoop in and save the day, whether it be a workplace conflict, business, or even social media. Imagine you make a great point on a post, only to have your much dumber associate tarnish it with some inane comment? 

Covid And the Plague of Lighthouse Keepers

Hello, everybody. Back again, with more writing exercises and ideas. The last two posts were fairly genteel posts about how to be a great healer in competitive video games. I'd like to take a departure from that to talk about something substantially more serious. However, if you are a competitive gamer that plays Heroes of the Storm, Overwatch, or Team Fortress 2, I highly recommend reading those last two posts.

So, what I'd like to discuss here is a fairly simple idea that I've touched upon already in older posts from weeks ago; Despite the mass communication of the internet, COVID-19 has caused a major disruption in all of our lives, turning us into a plague of lighthouse keepers. 

There are already a lot of people in our communities that don't like to be around others. With COVID, they have an excuse to be even more distant and go even more into isolation than previously before. Here's the kicker; until COVID is dealt a grievous blow, we're stuck in this mode of humanity, which is terrible for our health, well being, and mental health. 

Next, I'd like to go into these details as they pertain to myself. I'm naturally a very outgoing extrovert that likes to be around others. I've been on a leave of absence to be safe and stay away from potential COVID spreaders for two months as I work retail. The only contact I have with people right now is when I talk to my family, when I text friends, when I direct message people on social media, or when I play online video games with voice chat or text chat. Because of all that COVID hasn't really affected me much, but it has impacted me enough for me to take notice and write my thoughts about it in a meaningful way.

You lose a sense of community and mental well being when you're not around people and start spending almost all of your time alone. I'm actually really looking forward to going back to work in June not because I need more money [thank God], but because I'm used to a certain amount of screentime with others, engaging in conversation, and being acknowledged as a person for who I am in my community and workplace. 

Without that I'm a much different sort of person; I stop talking on voice coms and text chat in online competitive video games because I don't see the need for it, I stop direct messaging on social media apps because I think my people need more space away from me, I give my family more space and seclude myself more in whatever ways I can. The question is, is this good for me, and is it sustainable in the long run? What are the ramifications of living life in a lighthouse keeper sort of way? 

For some people, none of this might apply to them because some people naturally don't like to be around others much, and try to spend as much time away from them as possible, as well as saying as little as possible. Obviously, for those people, COVID is helping them out in a societal way. But for the vast majority of the population, they need that social construct in order to engineer their lives in a more meaningful way, myself included. 

We can't all keep going on like this and we know it. I've done really well under the circumstances but the show can't go on. As great as the digital age of the internet is in sharing and communication, it's a piss poor substitute for the real world. And that, essentially, is where the problem of COVID lies therein; it forces us to disperse and stay away from each other, and possibly even stop caring as much as we used to, and instead turn to our own quarantined, lockdown, isolated lives, looking for that spark of inspiration, that zest for life, that we simply can't get anywhere else. 

Still waiting for my saviour,
storms tear me limb from limb

Hyperbolic Time Chamber

Hello, everybody, Que Tal? May has been a slow blogging month for me. Just taking it day by day, taking it slow, like a sloth. I've written a lot on the blog about time, how time seems to have different states; slow, fast, constant, stopped, nonexistent, perpetual. What does time feel like during COVID to you? 

For me time seems to be in a vacuum. By that I mean that time seems to have slowed down exponentially, perhaps it's even stopped sometimes. Yes, things are happening in the world, more Americans dying and getting infected, for one thing, the biggest and most important story right now, but there's also our own small, yet still equally important personal lives, meager as they seem.

It's a given that those that get to work from home during COVID are privileged. Hell, I think I'm privileged because of the fact that I have enough money to take two months off from work. As a result, the last two months have been the slowest days of my entire life.

Now, is that good or bad, or is there neither praise nor blame attached? Well, it's good because I get to practice my skills, however meager in the nonexistent economy they may be; guitar playing, writing and reading literature. It's bad because all the extra free time conduces me to spend copious amounts of video game hours just messing around. On the other side of this spectrum, one could say that it doesn't matter much but obviously that's just a cop-out.

The best thing about lockdown during COVID for me other than the fact that I've been away from work for two months after having worked seven years straight with hardly any vacations is that I've been able to develop even more of an interior life. What am I talking referring to?

Interior life is the life you live inside yourself without others. Do you constantly need to be around other people more often than not? Are you uncomfortable with being alone in a room by yourself, doing nothing, in particular, just relaxing, perhaps reading or staring at a wall? Interior life can only be improved upon with you knowing that you don't need to be around other people all the time. You have to have alone time to gather your thoughts, energy, and focus on the tasks at hand, which is important to you and you only. Or are you constantly searching for that something, like an affirmation or anything else, to always be around other people for various reasons? This concept also applies to the online world as well. Think about how many people keep checking their notifications on social media apps all day. They do this because they get pleasure from seeing notifications, a shot of dopamine. If you want to develop the interior life you should not check your social media or smartphone notification apps all day. Put a limit on it.

Interior life isn't easy to develop. For me, it started with my solo guitar practice sessions, long reading sessions, and epic pug [pick up group] online gaming sessions. For you, it could develop in various ways that are more personable to you and your life.

In case I didn't explain clearly enough, the interior life is a sort of spiritual, not just a regular solo experience. Reading the news every day online is part of my interior life. When I read the news after I wake up in the morning, I feel a sense of urgency to see what all the news headlines are, and read them, and make my own assessments based on said articles. When I do this, I go into a flow state, a similar flow state I go into when I practice guitar; where time and space ceases to exist, and I enter a state of simply 'being,' the more you do these sorts of things, the more you develop this flow state, which will help you in nearly every aspect of your life.

One of the subtle ways of developing an interior life that has improved my friendships and relationships is that I know when to back away from people socially, to allow and give them space. When I'm in a setting where there are more than two people I know what questions to ask, when to lay out and listen, and when to let the others talk more so than myself. In short, it's improved my social skills a lot as well as giving me a guiding light in my personal free time.

Now, going back to the beginning. The snake eats its tail, as they say. At this point of the pandemic journey, and my own personal journey alongside it, I would say that it has been my interior life that has saved me from sheer agony or perhaps one could call it the killing boredom; the loss of in-person hangouts, not eating at restaurants with my family or friends, not playing open mics, not hanging out with girls, even not working for two months straight.

It was the interior life that shackled time and allowed me to do my thing and free myself. In these daunting times, it was just the thing I needed. A hyperbolic time chamber.