31 de Agosto

Good evening, ladies and gents. 

Today is the last day of August and it's been one of the best weather days of the summer. Its only 67 right now, cloudy, cool, and not humid at all. In all aspects, it's just perfect. It reminds me of the Midwest, especially Chicago. Here I'd just like to jot down some general thoughts on life. 

First, work under covid has been stressful per usual but I have a good spirit. As those raggedy Andy dolls from Liverpool sang, "it's getting better all the time." In most respects it is getting better. For me, the store, and other coworkers. 

The work hours are grueling but it's nothing that I can't handle. Nobody at the job has caught covid recently and my cashier station is pretty boxed in, keeping me socially distant from customers. It's strange working in a box for eight hours, but hey, c'est la vie. 

I've been spending a lot of time reading classics of the western canon and philosophy. As well as playing guitar. And the daily hangouts with friends, mostly one or two at a time to keep things small and socially distant. I've met some new friends here and there, and I've been getting out of my gamer shell more and have begun to meet more people.  

However, the main event here is how are we all really doing under the new reality, el nuevo realidad? Are you adjusting to this new life? Covid has taught me many things about life and the world in which we live in. The most important lesson being that you have to find a new way to live and do just that---live. 

You can't just go on living life the way you did before covid. Everything's different now and you have to adjust your mind, body, and spirit to really enjoy life to the fullest now. Simply put, it's different now, and if you can't readjust to that difference, you're going to get left behind. 

What does finding a new way to live mean for me? 

It means finding yourself, finding out who you are as a person and developing that inner self, enjoying nature and solitude, enjoying Beauty in the world, good books, good music, good people, good conversation, good food, good friendships, good relationships, etc. How do you get to that level? Practice, practice, practice. Mucho practico todos los dias para divertirme. Remember to live life in every moment as opposed to the same old, Sein und Zeit existiert im Moment. 

Sometimes I feel as if all I need is a garden and a library [as said by Cicero]. Of course there's more to life than that but being content for a little while is okay. To have the capacity for happiness. To truly love and be loved. To enjoy Beauty ad infinitum. To find joy in solitude as well as in the company of others.

These are a few of my favorite things. 

Photo uploaded by BlueBlackRose on Pinterest

Merry Christmas! [Eve]

Greetings everyone, 

It's the holiday season. Christmas is here in eight hours. I've already an enjoyable day. I woke up early around 10 am and went for a walk. I proceeded to come home and play the acoustic guitar on my balcony. Then I played some overwatch and started reading Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, a very good book! I've decided to take some time to write another work/life update regarding the holiday season and covid. 

The market has been tough this holiday season. The morale of the workers' is the lowest it's ever been in my eight year career. Employees are getting fed up and some of them have quit and/or gotten fired. There's been another one or two isolated incidents of covid but it hasn't spread, or at least, we haven't been told that it's spread. Disconcerting to say the least. 

As regard to my health, I get my temperature checked daily by my father [although the managers at the store should be checking employee temperatures as well but they aren't doing it] and I've never had too high a temperature nor developed any covid symptoms. I guess I should count my blessings. Some of my friends weren't so lucky. Especially the ones that work in retail and/or warehouse work and management. 

My whole goal when going into work now is too completely relax and not overreact to anything or anyone. It's sort of like a Zen mediation attitude to working retail. Every bad interaction can be cancelled out by realizing that there is neither praise nor blame attached. The things the Buddha taught.  

The customers at my store this year have been very tough on the workers. I've had a lot of complaints from customers simply because I'm an employee standing near them. They want to complain to the store director or supervisor but they're also content to let out their anger on just any old employee, that may or may not help them as a response. To be alive in the bitter sea. 

In terms of my music and keyboard playing I'm still at it very often. I've also been reading a lot too. In a short period I've read Plato's Republic, Writings by Aristotle, Ovid's Metamorphosis, War and Peace, and this book about Johannes Kepler called Kepler by John Banville, the best living writer from Ireland. In addition, I have a couple heroes of the storm pc game teams that I play with, and I still play overwatch and team fortress 2. I've even been studying Spanish for a month now. All in a day's work! 

I've been working so much yet somehow I'm still getting a lot done in all my free time. My favorite new activity has been going out on long morning walks and even night walks. During the day, I like to go to the park and read a book sitting on the bench in front of the duck pond. Sometimes I get up and stare at the shimmer of the water's reflection, the shimmer staring back at me. 

Merry Christmas 

Holiday Season Covid Edition pt.2

 

It was the best of times it was the worst of times. That's this time right now. November 17, 2020, during covid-19, quarantine, Biden's triumphiant victory, and 244,000 dead Americans. The shit done hit the fan. We have a president who lost the election but won't concede even though its been two weeks since he lost. The Republicans don't want to relinquish Trump and disavow him as a muy malo demagogue that has hurt the party and the country. It can't get much worse. 

However, one of the things one learns in Zen is that you don't need zen when things are going well. You need zen when things are going bad. What does that mean? It means that you train in the art of zen [relaxing, breathing, meditation, thinking clearly, not acting and overreacting to every little disturbance in your day, showing care and love, seeing the love in the universe around you] you must realize that you are doing it because you'll need it for the rainy days. The hard days where you feel like picking a fight with your friend or spouse, where you yell at your coworkers or berate them for various reasons, or more in my case, when a customer at your job is estupido! 

This is the time where you should learn about things like zen. Do you have faith? Do you believe in being and nothingness? Sein und Zeit [being and time]. That's okay to be an existentialist or an athiest, but realize that the people who go for Occam's Razor are very happy. So whatever it is you do or believe in, do it well. 

Thing are going surprisingly well for me at this late stage in the pandemic:

I started playing the piano. I started learning Spanish. I started learning words and phrases in other languages like French, Italian, German, Chinese, and Japanese. I've lost a little more weight. I've found the correct amounts of food intake I need each day, don't overeat anymore, and have found good success in losing weight as a result. My friendships are stronger than ever. My coworkers like me. My family bonds are strong. Other than the fact that I'm working retail during the world's biggest pandemic, my life, beau rêve [a beautiful dream]. 

I have my bad days like anyone else but 99% of my days are so good that there's not much I regret, stress about, or am deeply angered about. Although this is one of the worst times in American history, la vita è fottutamente bella [life is fucking good]. 

I'm still working on myself as a person, trying to better myself through educating myself via books, music, language, work, and relationship improvement ability, and what I've been doing is very pleasing, especially the guitar and piano playing. I even started singing songs. And I've been playing a lot more songs straight the whole way through rather than taking meandering guitar solos. If the bars ever open up again for open mics, I'll be a musician, a guitar player, singer, that's improved 100% from my previous live rock and jazz music performance skills. I can play and sing any song.

I'm also still working on my writing, hence this blog tonight. If there's any one last bit of energía positiva y buena voluntad [positive energy and goodwill], I would say now is the time to learn, relax, work on all the things you've ever wanted to work on, and totally zen out.

aprovecha todo tu potencial 

Feliz día de acción de gracias

Zen and the Art of Positive Thinking

What's up my fellow late-night readers? Today was my first day back to work after two months off. Here are some takeaways about what it was like being back in a blog titled Zen and the Art of Positive Thinking. 

First, I went to work with a strong, positive attitude. I already knew that everything had changed; the store was remodeled, everything items' placements were switched around, most of the young people were replaced by other young people, there's not really any younger women or girls my age that work in my department anymore, hours have been cut severely, and on top of that, the windows and doors are shuttered with plywood for fear of rioters and looters. Whew!

Even knowing all that, I went in thinking this will be fine, this will even be good. And it was. For the most part. I only had a few moments of weakness at the end of the night, where business was so slow that for the last three hours there were hardly any customers at all. I was so bored that I mentioned it to the security guard and the manager. "It was the most boring night of work ever."

I've never seen that happen in any place of business that I've worked at before, and I've been in the retail business for 15 years. Where most of all the customers stop coming in at a certain time. Astounding. In fact, business is so slow that the company is losing so much money that they're going to have to cut hours even more. You put that with possible rioters and looters and the COVID-19 pandemic and you have a recipe for disaster. 

So, yeah, there's all that. But where do I come in? Well, I went into work today and did the usual thing. An older coworker who knows me really well said, "You're different." I said jokingly, "Oh yeah, a lot of soul searching, good time." I played it off as a joke but the fact that she recognized that was an important moment of the day. For it was at that moment that I realized I had become more relaxed. I'm not talking as much because I don't feel I have to fill in space as much. And when I speak I only say what is needed, only going into more details if time and interest are there. Girls are more responsive. Women too surprisingly.

Second, it's not all about being a hippy and having good vibes. That's one aspect of this. It's also about the body. At my job, the work is very strenuous and if you strain yourself just a little too much doing one little thing then you're body's equilibrium gets off balance. 

I was jokingly thinking about this today at work as if I were thinking about 'nen'. Nen is an idea I got from a Japanese anime called Hunter x Hunter. Yes, this is a little silly but hear me out. 

Nen is the body's physical energy and capabilities. Differing from the mind's energy, nen is what's used to focus the body, keep it in shape, and allows you to do strenuous activities for long periods of time without using too much energy. This saves you time by allowing you to work hard in a reasonable time period, getting your tasks done more easily, while at the same time, conserving your body's energies so that not only will you not be tired at the end of the night when you go home, but you might actually be re-energized. 

Yeah, that sounds pretty wacky, doesn't it? What if I told you that nen, or something like it, is actually a real thing? Of course, you won't always feel renewed after a hard day of work. On the contrary, some nights you'll be exhausted, but the point is that you work in such a way that you're hardly ever straining your body, and your muscles are so lucid, that there's hardly anything you can't do, and it won't make you too tired when you go home at night.    

You don't have to be super athletic or strong. Simply standing up straight with no tension is nen. Breathing slow, small, shallow breaths is nen. Even breathing takes up energy. If you breathe too much too fast your body will respond in a certain type of way that is stressful and energy-consuming. Breathing is an essential and important element. "Breathe, breathe in the air," as the Pink Floyd song goes. 

Obviously, these things aren't going to save the world. But they will make your workdays a lot more manageable. Some days will be like today; essentially perfect for all practical purposes. The point is to put this to practice all the other days and not weaken. 

Back to work. The grind continues.

And Your Bird Can Sing

Hello, the world of the interwebz. I thought I'd jot down some notes after what I considered a great day. 

First of all, let me explain a bit about what I've been going through before this said great day. I almost lost my job, due to my own stupidity, initiating bad karma, and then I was really down on my luck for a couple of days. That's pretty much it. Losing a retail job might not be the worst thing in the world but technically I can't afford to go without working. Who can, given this economy? 

I came out of all those bad vibes after a few days. Today, I'm back to being on top of the world. It's like that Cream blues cover. "I'm sittin' on top of the world." I came to such good vibes on my own initiative, as I usually do. With a little help from my friends of course [The Beatles].   

First of all, it hit me that it isn't necessarily the job that I do or the money that I get from the said job that is important. My job has never defined who I am or my personality. Rather, it's the fact that I'm working hard, improving my character, and generating goodwill and reciprocity with coworkers, managers, customers, and friends that I've made through the community. I've created a vast network of people who know me through my job. Intellectuals, musicians, readers, writers, movie biz people, friends, so much out of this little job. This is a hard concept for some people to grasp considering it's just a retail gig. 

Second, all the negativity that I feel, see, hear, will always be negated by own positive energy, IF I can sustain positivity every day all the time. The naysayers will always doubt you. They are losers and they want you to become like them. Misery loves company. The only way to get through them is to practice positivity right in front of their faces. When they see that whatever they say to you will leave you unscathed, they will see you in a different light. Wau, dude! Yer a total hippie. I told you about the walrus and mean man, now here's another place you can go, man.

Third, the only person who can save you from the world is yourself. It's up to you. Everything in the universe is possible through your own sheer will. Instant karma is gonna save you or the reverse. Because of my own goodwill, I get good vibes from the universe. The reverse is true if I bring negativity in the world. It's not like my religion or anything but it's definitely true of being. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if your life isn't great the only way for it to become great is to take it all in stride with a positive attitude. Be the man with the golden smile. It takes a lot of practice but with the power of soul, anything is possible. Meditation helps. And the Beatles. And singing and playing the guitar. Who knows, maybe after a lifetime of zen practice, at the end of your life you will have attained full Zen Buddhahood. 

Tell me that you got everything you want
And your bird can sing
But you don't get me
You don't get me

Where's the zen?

Hello, world. Things have been pretty hectic for me at the day job and all but I thought I'd make time before work today to write a post. I actually haven't been writing that much lately. But I have been reading constantly. I just finished Kant's Critique of Judgement, which, although it is half the length of Critique of Pure Reason, is just as technical and demanding on the budding philosophy learner. 

The topic of this post is happiness. Where's the zen in this day and age? Most of my retail associates, including management and upper management, don't seem to be happy and they're very vocal about it. To customers, to me, to their employees. The ironic thing is that even though management makes much more money than their employees, their employees are actually happier and nicer to be around, despite making less money and enduring more hardships. It's quite something. 

At first, you're kind of sympathetic to these sorts of people. And then you realize you shouldn't be. It isn't difficult to be happy in America. There are bums living in a box who are happier than rich people who would say, "I fucked a girl, but it was a shitty fuck," "I worked really hard at my job but the paycheck wasn't enough," "I'm a manager but its a shit job." There are so many of these people for which nothing will ever be enough for them. Therefore, you can't feel sympathetic to their plight because it isn't real. It's existential. 

I complain about the minor details of my life. The fact that they switched me to morning shifts after working night shifts for six years. But I'm not going to go on and on and on about it. I gave it a break after two weeks, lol. Because you realize that you still have to live life, work, and find happiness in whatever malure you are in. That's just the way life is. You have to deal with the hand you're dealt. And some people are dealt the worst hands. And others just love to complain about how bad they have it when in reality they have it better than most. 

So where's the zen? Where do you find happiness? Are we all just gray blobs that just run through emotions? Not at all. Naturally, you can only be happy if you have the capacity for happiness. If you lack the capacity for happiness nothing will ever be enough for you. 

Personally, I find happiness through art, literature, and music. I even find happiness from talking to others at work or wherever. Just sitting down to write about this brings me happiness because I know that I'm expressing myself from the heart. It's something meaningful. It isn't aimless. That's why I enjoy writing so much. Because I can express myself online in a sort of incognito way. 

I'm a happy person. Outgoing socially. In an age of antiquity, I would've joined the priesthood and become a saint. In modern times I'm a hipster artist intellectual musician type. My job isn't great but that's okay. Because I know that if I can't be happy now, I can never be happy. 

So where's the zen? It's inside of you. It's up to you. Within you, without you. 

Pools of sorrow, waves of joy
Are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me [Across the Universe/The Beatles]

Black Metal October

I figured I'd write a what's up, vlog-style post, considering I haven't written anything lately. 

The Holidays are here, and as a result, I've been working a lot at the retail gig. I'm doing a lot more daytime shifts, which are pretty tiring. However, a job's a job and everybody has to play his part, as they say. The hard-working proletariat never dies. But sometimes he gets stomped on. But that's subject for another discourse: The Dialectics of the Modern Proletariat, to be continued...

I've been reading nonstop, pretty hardcore actually. I read Colin Greenland's science fiction space opera Take Back Plenty, and then, on the recommendation from a friend I read Robert M. Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. In between I read Wittgenstein's The Preliminary for the Philosophical Investigations, which includes his Brown and Blue books, notebooks for his friends and students in philosophy. Quite a stellar reading list if I may say so myself. I haven't written about any of these because in a way I'm still gathering my thoughts on them and in addition, I'm continuing to read so much more every day that it's hard to keep up, to put my thoughts on previous readings on paper, or in this case computer writing format. Now I'm reading Susan Sontag's Against Interpretation and Other Essays. After that, I plan on reading The Outsiders by Colin Wilson. Wow. "Gotta get down to it." 

I've also been chilling with my friends a lot too. We play a lot of Smash Ultimate. I don't really do any solo computer gaming anymore at this point. I've sort of given up on it because I don't get the same level of joy, excitement, or motivation to improve at video games anymore. The thrill is gone. Video games are important only in a superficial instant gratification sense, once you get past that, you realize that there's so much more Quality, gravitas, emotional content in music and literature. I could actually predict a time when video games become uninteresting and kids actually begin to lose interest, and start playing instruments and reading books. A utopian pipedream.

I'm also working more seriously on losing weight. My plan is to eat less. So far its been working. The great thing is that I'm a lot more alert and on the ball when I'm not overfed. It will probably take at least three months to see real results but already I know that I'm a lot quicker to the draw, especially at work. Who knows, maybe I can go from fat Buddha to skinny Buddha in this fashion? To sit under the Bodhi tree and only eating what is required and nothing more.

I haven't been playing as much guitar but I will probably play a bit tonight. I haven't played the keyboard in a while either but again, I'll play a bit tonight. The hardest thing about music is keeping up the practice. There's so many other goals and pursuits, its easy to put it off one day, then two, then three, etc. For me I notice that if I'm not constitently listening to music all the time then I won't practice guitar or keyboard either. Reading in silence becomes my music, and it is not a bad music either! 

I'm going to end with a nod to Halloween. Back in 2017 I wrote a black metal song entitled Spirits of the Dead, with my then current band. Check out the song on YouTube here. Yes, that is me on guitar and vocals LOL. Oh, to be a young metalhead. Also, its notable that I wrote the song on a gloomy rainy morning in Octobert 2017. I played the song at least ten times at open mics with Martin Arevalo, on drums. One time we got a very good lead guitarist to play lead for the song while I did rythmn and vocals, it's a killer recording.

Spirits of the dead!

Struggle and internal contradiction

Oh, that magic feeling...

Lately, I've been writing a lot of op-ed sort of blogs about life, my ideas, philosophy, my particular thought processes as of late, autumn 2019. Here's one for you: struggle and internal contradiction. 

A lot of my posts have been sort of feel-good type of things [you need to push yourself, keep going, don't quit, etc], and some of it has been sort of depressing to write about, yet also uplifting in a philosophical way, zen-like. 

There were some continuous themes. Getting older. Changes that weren't necessarily good or bad. But seem bad. Work getting harder, more physical. Being more tired. How do deal with all of this? Keeping your mindset strong rather than just positive.  Or strong and positive.

The thing about all that is that there are struggles and contradictions with regard to all of that. You have to be young to become old. If things didn't change you couldn't appreciate how good things really are/were. For work to become more difficult means you'd have to have had a much easier time at some point in the past. You have to have been full of energy [younger] before you realize you're getting more and more easily tired [older]. 

I might write/say/think one thing and yet may not completely mean it at that moment when proclaiming it. Does that mean that I really mean it? This goes into the analytical side of thought. [which is my true aim out of all these vlog type posts]  To question everything, even yourself.

Consider this: I've been more and more easily tired at work for no particular reason in particular. I was dead half my shift. Dead, as in not very responsive, overly tired, slow, prone to error. Yet, half-way through my shift today I came back from lunch and my attitude was completely changed. I was in the best mood I've ever been in at work. It manifested as me smiling a lot, laughing a lot with my co-workers, being very engaging with every customer. How does something like that happen? And how do you keep such an enlightened state going the next day, month, years, a lifetime? 

The answer could be whatever you make of it. Something just hit me, a pierce in the veil. Sitting under the bodhi tree. Could've been a result of a good lunch. Or a good reading session on said lunch. Realization of something that wasn't thought about consciously or self-consciously. Many things, one thing, or nothing at all. It's important to remember moments like these. It feels good and it was memorable work experience. I think even my co-workers noticed and reacted in kind. It was fun. Cheery. Jovial even. What do you do with this sort of realization? Anything or nothing at all I suppose. This goes to show [character] that a lot of our internal struggles and contradiction could, in fact, be something we can overcome, somehow, in our own way, on our own time, in our own condition. Perhaps I will meditate more. Ruminate on peace and love in the universe. Namaste.

Nowhere to go...

Strawberry Fields Forever

Day by day, alone on a hill...

Each day passes us by. Sometimes we have bad days that sort of bleed into all the other days,  a sort of 24/7 existentialism. Because a happened yesterday it bothers us today, in addition to b being a problem today. What helps us cope with that? How do you focus more on the positivity of being, being in the worldhood of the world? 

Plans with friends get canceled somehow five times in a row. Work gets more strenuous. Time seems to be flowing faster and faster. Your relaxation time seems to be like work. [reading, writing, guitar playing becomes a second job because it is] Instead of doing the things you want to do you end up just sleeping. Everybody's laughing, everybody's happy. But here you are. 

The easy zen answer to all this is that every day is a new day. Tomorrow is only yesterday's tomorrow. But that does not mean that yesterday bleeds into tomorrow, today, the present, the past, or the future. I would go so far as to say that you're not even the same person today as you were yesterday. A multitude of factors determines this. But mostly chemicals in the brain. 

Come together. The more you want to drift off and sulk into your own self-pity and sorrow, you need always remember that there are still caring people in the world despite the pitiful state of affairs in the world. The more you can relate to everyday people the more you see humanity, peace, and love in others, and in yourself. Come together, yeah. 

Because. We feel sad, depressed, anxious, and tired because we are human rather than machines. That is why you must find all your favorite things and enjoy life. You must sit in self-reflection, ruminate on your ideas, thoughts, consciousness, and yet still engage in the world with real, everyday people, rather than sitting in isolation, as some sort of self-proclaimed hermit or yogi. 

The reason people are positive, give off good vibes, and are happy people is because they've been working at it. There is, of course, the rare person who is just happy no matter what happens in their life. No heartbreak will destroy them utterly nor completely. They are strong in mind, body, and spirit because they've been through the bad times and came out stronger in the end, with a stronger mindset, and/or spirit. It's a beautiful thing. It's a necessary thing. 

Let me take you down, 'cuz I'm going to...

Holiday riffing and staying motivated

Yo, readers and friends! Here I'd like to riff about the holidays, and staying motivated during said holidays. 

Holidays at my job can be pretty stressful. In fact, I was elated to enjoy two days off from work this past Thanksgiving week. Normally I only get one day off a week, and that's cool with me, because more money is the best! That's the right attitude for a young guy, don't lose any of that money, get as much hours of work as you can, work hard, and earn your paycheck, like anybody else at their job. But sometimes its nice to relax. However, you don't want to be too relaxed because things have to be done-guitar playing, writing, reading, and possibly even gaming if I can squeeze it in. 

You have to stay motivated. Stay up as the 'woke' millennial kids say. For me this means getting guitar practice in almost every day (I try to only take one day off a week), posting ads to find jazz musicians to start a trio with (looking for a bassist and a horn to play straight ahead jazz), reading lots of things from novels to news, and writing blog posts like this one. Writing for the blog keeps me motivated. I get to write down all my ideas I've had in my head for a long time and unload all of it in type-press fashion via computer late at night. Its a great form of decompression, relieving stress and giving me new insight on any particular ideas. 

Staying motivated is difficult. Sometimes after a long 1 AM shift I don't feel like reading Don Quixote, Candide, or Aristotle on my Kindle (popular reads for me lately), instead I feel like falling asleep, only to miss out on what would've been great prime time reading time, in complete silence in the middle of the night where nobody will bother me or force me to go back to work (I read on every 30 minute work break to get more reading time in). 

What keeps me motivated? Music mostly. But also novels, great writing, journalism, poetry, classics, science fiction, video games, friendship, and probably last on the list-money. The holidays can be pretty brutal for most workers but I also think it helps put things in perspective. It took 28 years this holiday season before I realized that I don't need to buy luxury items I don't need, and that I should instead save my money, and only worry about getting gifts for others. The new Smash Ultimate game? I'll just play it at my friends' house. Dragon Ball Fighter Z? Been playing it at a friends' house. All those new holiday games? Forget about it. New guitar pedals or new music equipment? I should enjoy the stuff I already have more before I look into that, etc etc. (On second thought I do need a hollow-body jazz guitar)

It was my St. Francis of Assisi moment. At first I said to myself, "I don't need to buy anything for Black Friday or Cyber Monday". Then it turned into I don't need to buy anything for myself for Christmas. And now I've reached that zen state where I realize Christmas gifts for others is the only importance in addition to goodwill to fellow man.

Its a lot to think about but its also good to think about things like this. What motivates you makes you stronger. The moment you lose that motivation, and don't read, don't play guitar, don't write (in my case, yours will be different), then you're losing out on something that makes you happy. Of course there's always exceptions. Nobody wants to get stuck in a rut, reading until 4 or 5 in the morning every night--but its pretty damn fun. 

I've got to keep pushing myself. -Buckethead

Unleashing Your Inner Zen

This is part of an ongoing series that I've been writing, which has been more part personal vlog-style and part inspirational thinking. Here I'd like to discuss how I've changed my mindset, and become a more jovial person, at least for now. 

The beginning starts with my attitude coming back from vacation and going back to my retail job, where I sometimes work over 40 hour weeks. My friends that work there are always stick-in-the-muds about working there, meaning that even though they have cushy top positions there (and low like myself), they still feel like the job is letting them down, and that perhaps they would be happy doing something else, etc. 

For a while I got trapped in that line of thinking. These people aren't happy so I should be unhappy too, right? Wrong. It all starts with my boss asking me to come in early on my late night shifts. At first I was saying no and using my time to just relax-game, read, guitar, my usual activities. But then I started saying yes, all the time. 

Wait a minute. You're probably thinking you'd rather relax and have fun than go in early to work retail. Or maybe you think you'd rather have free time over money? Once I started saying yes I realized that I actually didn't mind going in early, and that I'm getting paid more money, so that's a plus. The other upside is that management likes me and (hopefully) has my back in times of trouble. 

Now to the jovial part. Work can be stressful but once you 'get over it', you realize that your life is actually quite amazing, and good things even happen to you, even at work. I got over my job, which means that I'm willing to help out in any way I can, even if I don't need the extra cash. I'm happy to help, and be a team player. Its no skin off my back and I don't attach any negative energy to my occupation. Its a blissful realization, inner zen unleashed.  

I had about a month lead up into this from my vacation in October. I don't think I would've realized it if I didn't start dividing my time into organized sections-music, guitar, reading, hanging out with friends. I've been using my time more wisely. It even affects my eating habits. I realized in order to lose weight I have to stop eating late at night, so once I started doing that, I started losing weight again. 

The mindset problem is very difficult to overcome. Most people don't. A lot of people are whiners and complainers their whole lives even though they have everything handed to them on a silver plate. I'm a lucky guy, I have musical talent, a job, and intellectual curiosity that leads me to a lot of interesting books. Most guys would be lucky if they just had a job. So maybe your crappy attitude makes you think things suck when actually you just have to change your outlook to realize how great life really is. 

Perhaps I should become a zen monk?

La Jetee

La Jetee is a French short science fiction film made in 1962. It runs at about twenty-eight minutes. The movie was a big influence on William Gibson, one of my favorite science fiction writers. The story focuses on a man as a child and adult who is watching planes take off at an airport. He sees a woman there. The last thing he remembers is seeing the woman and in that moment he knew that he saw a man die, but this is all he can discover from this. Eventually the world becomes engulfed in darkness, a sort of nuclear apocalypse perhaps? In the end we learn that what he saw was actually his own death.

Later he wakes up as an adult in this underground city, called galleries in the film. There's these scientists that are doing experiments on people so that they can go to the future to find a technology that can restore the world of the past. They decide to use this man because the strain of going to the future is hard on the mind. They think that because this guy is so attached to this idea of his youth, that moment described above, that his chances for doing it will be greater. So they put some stuff over his eyes and conduct experiments on him. In these experiments he meets (in a sort of other world) the woman he saw at the airport as a child and he comes to have a romantic relationship with her complete with jokes, conversations, and numerous hangouts every time he goes through the experiments.

Eventually during one of these experiments our protagonist finds himself in the world of the future, where the people have this black dot stuff (not all of them were dots, some were other shapes) on their foreheads. The future civilization people give him a technology that can restore the past and prevent impending doom. So he goes back to the dystopian present where his mission is completed, thus saving humanity.

Upon his arrival our main character figures out that these scientists are going to kill him. The aliens of the future ask him if he wants to leave that time permanently and go with them but the man instead asks to go back to the past so he can meet the woman. They agree to do this.

So he goes back to the past at the airport. He knows he is there as a kid. He sees the woman and just before he gets to her he dies, killed by a government agent that works for the scientists. What a movie!

The movie brings to mind a bunch ideas. Time is inescapable. Try as we might we are all subservient to time, we bend to its will in a way. We think we understand the past but we don't totally get it. Instead, we find ourselves in the hear and now, an important concept in Zen Buddhism, which I've read a little about. 

It also brings to mind the idea of dystopian modernism. If the Earth got flattened by nuclear war we would probably build cities underground, a popular idea in many science fiction movies. The surface would be contaminated by nuclear waste and we wouldn't be able to live in such nice places anymore. As the movie said we would become lords of rats.

There's ideas of utopia thrown in there as well, The scientists in the present think that the world in which they live is so horrible that they have to keep conducting experiments that probably harm peoples' minds because they want to regain what they had lost, their precious happy-go-lucky past where parents take their children to see airplanes take off at the airport. What a precious and happy thought.

Lastly, the film brings up romance. Ultimately our main character becomes attracted to the woman and keeps wanting to see her. When he finds out he's going to be killed, instead of going with the future citizens he asks them to send him back to the past so he can find the woman. When he does this it shows that he loves the woman, perhaps may want to spend the rest of his life with her. He could have gone to the future and lived the life of a revolutionary but instead he chooses love.

There you have it. A short science fiction film that displays tons of great ideas and all with still photos! I can see how and why something like this would influence William Gibson. These ideas are still portrayed in movies and talked about to this very day. You could even say that some of the virtual reality things I've been blogging about and reading are sort of related to this-science, dystopia, utopia, love, futurism, and the modern dark ages.

You can watch the film here.

Nothing distinguishes memories from ordinary moments. Only later do they become memorable by the scars they leave.