Capacity for Happiness

Today was wonderful.

I got eight hours of sleep. I played video games. I played guitar. I got to read a great book. And although I worked till one in the morning in a retail gig, it was still pretty damn good. 

What does it take to be happy? Why am I so happy? 

Well, the answer is simple. Although difficult to explain. The answer is that I have the capacity for happiness. No matter what happens to me my capacity for happiness is so abundant, that I'm probably the happiest person out of all my friends, coworkers, and casual acquaintances. I'm actually almost like a saint. A philosopher. A rock and roll guitar player that dabbles in jazz. Perhaps in another life I would've joined the priesthood and spread the Gospel of Christ.   

What's their problem, you ask? Well, they simply lack the capacity for happiness. One guy is upset because he's not doing the career path he wants in life. One is upset because he's depressed. One is upset because he thinks he can only do one job in his entire life. Coworkers are upset because they think the hum drum life of retail will never improve. 

So what do they do? They find solace in escapism. We all do, at least to a certain degree. Especially during COVID. So they go out on vacations and live like a bourgeois for a while. They buy fancy dinners. They take lots of drugs and drink lots of alcohol. They drive their cars fast. They become connoisseurs of consumerism and continuously need to buy more and more things. They fuck all the time. But it doesn't sustain them. They're still not happy. Why?

Simply because they lack the capacity for happiness. Their problem is existential. Meaning that they don't yet know that they lack the capacity for happiness. Some of them will never know. And that's where the true tragedy lies. Thus spoke Orlando Figueroa.

So yeah, today was a good day...

Politics, Retail, An Odyssey

Hello everybody. Trying to get back into the groove of continuously writing even without a proper subject. It's a bit like Seinfeld. It's a show about nothing. Of course, I like to think what I say here is very important in terms of letting the public know what life is like working retail during COVID, as well as providing interesting, informative, and entertaining posts about well, just about anything ranging from books, movies, music, shows, to actual real life.

The summer heat has been a true heat death of the universe. The kind of heat that burns away a planet in a 1960s science fiction novel. Yeah, it's that bad! But Fall is upon us, and my birthday will come up at the end of September, my favorite month. Mostly because its nice and cool in California during that time. 

I had an awkward Lyft ride to work today. This tall blonde white guy, who was the driver, went on and on about how the coronavirus is all a scam, and that the Democrats are using it to control the masses, while they try to turn the country into a socialist state. Of course, I've heard all this drivel before and have to say that most Republicans who believe this type of conspiracies are amongst the most stupid people I've ever encountered, even stupider than peasants who don't know English. At least peasants have enough honor and smarts to know that's not what's happening. 

So what's his problem? He's white, so he's privileged. The fact that he's driving Lyft means he didn't get to where he wanted to in life, so he takes it out on other people, in this case, Democrats, and you betcha, anybody who's brown. Mindless stupidity. It could be mind-boggling, but it's best to call a pig a pig, an idiot an idiot. Of course, I didn't tell him off, there was hardly any time to discuss politics but the fact that he spewed all that so quickly shows how loyal he is to Trump, the Trump Swamp Republican Party [that sorely needs to be drained], and the fuck you, I got mine mentality of older white Republican men. It truly was a spectacle. Which leads me to say that I'm really tired of the Republican rhetoric being spewed by the masses right now. At best its a joke, albeit not a funny one. At worst, it's the destruction of American democracy, integrity, and human decency. I'm not even a real Democrat but I know right from wrong. So yeah, that was a fucked way to start my workday. 

Work has been stressful. Despite the raging pandemic, my store will be going back to normal hours starting tomorrow; 5am to 1am, every day except for certain holidays. The employees are all exhausted. The customers have become much more irate and have forgotten how to treat retail workers with respect. At the beginning of COVID retail workers were like gods, like nurses, the essential workers. At this current juncture, it seems most of the customers don't give a shit about the fact that retail workers are possibly exposing their bodies to COVID every single day. There's no real good way to deal with it; you go in, do your work, and go home. At some point, you realize that the people are what they are; essentially gray blobs but there's always a few good ones. About 90% of the customers that come in treat you like human garbage. And then there's about 10% that treat you really great. It's a low bar over there. At some point, you have to learn to let go of all of your emotions and "not give a shit," because otherwise, the overwhelming amount of disrespect will most certainly cramp your style. The 'lose your emotion,' route is where most of my coworkers go. I can't say I blame them. Like the customers, none of us employees are perfect, but of course, some are better than others, have better personalities, and have better talents for working with people and whatnot. At the end of the day, a job is a job and if we didn't do it somebody else would.

Lastly, in more enlightening news, I took a break from Don Quixote and started reading An Odyssey. It's part memoir, part scholarly classics and philosophy. This classics professor named David Mendelsohn wrote the book. He goes into great detail explaining the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Aeneid but focuses primarily on the Odyssey throughout. He relates the journey in the story to his own life, particularly his relationship with his father. Here's the thing though; he is a gay man who has a female partner that he had kids with, and his father is a grumpy sort of fellow, a stiff mathematician that never showed his family much affection except for certain key moments in their lives. I'm in the middle of the book now and plan to finish it soon. 

One of the big points of the book is that if you're going in circles all the time you will always be traveling but never get to your destination. That's what life is like right now under quarantine. It's neverending. Infinite. Kind of like how the first half of the Odyssey feels a lot longer than the second half.  

The fact that Mendelsohn chooses to focus on his conventional father and his relationship to him rather than his own relationship to his own children, or even to other male friends, or even female friends like his partner is a sore oversight on the writer. However, his insight into the classics is downright remarkable, and if you read this book, you will have a better understanding of the classics, and be able to appreciate them more in a scholarly and emotive way. It's downright terrific. Not only that, but the writing style is personable. It's a lot like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, a flowing easy to read style that establishes a strong father-son relationship but requires the reader to think thoroughly about what is being read. Insight and enlightenment ensue. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who's into the classics or wants to get into the classics. If you ever read the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Aeneid, reading this will make you appreciate those books a lot more. And then you'll go back and reread them with a lot more wisdom and insight.    

Keep on keepin' on, as they say. As the Dead sing, "What a long, strange trip it's been."

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse Virus pt. 3

Wau! So we're finally at part three of our little series. So far I'd been writing about the doom and gloom of the situation. Mostly outside in the world and at work especially. For this post, I'd like to focus on quarantine life and positivity. What is life now like, now that for the most part, America is on a national lockdown? What advice do I have for quarantine life?

Well, for starters,  you should maintain some sort of schedule. You should have a list of things you want to do every day and do them in whatever order of your choosing. For me this resulted in a creative spike: writing, guitar playing, even playing video games can be creative, at least for me, depending on the type of game and/or gameplay style. Really? Said the non-gaming naysayers. 

I'm still working five out of seven days a week. A typical workday for me is like so. My late shifts are better than my morning shifts as I don't get supremely tired on those days. So I wake up around noon or later [oh wau!], I clean up, brew some coffee, and read the latest news about the virus. Sometimes the NYTimes articles get depressing but I always read them to the end because the NYTimes is covering the pandemic with precision and skill. In fact, I trust their view on the coronavirus because they're looking at it from the very big picture whereas something like the LAtimes is covering just the state of California. 

While reading the news and occasional op-eds about the virus, I'm listening to a lot of jazz and classical music, so as not to have lyrics be too distracting. I've discovered a lot of lost 1960s hardbop/bebop music through this. Then I may play video games to put my mind off things. And I go to work. Usually, I close the store at one am but considering that the store closes at eight pm now, most of my managers are allowing me to leave at midnight. Kudos!  

One thing that should be put into consideration is that you should go out and enjoy nature. Go for a walk or a hike. Even when it's raining and I'm getting wet, I don't seem to mind it as much. Nature in and of itself is beautiful and relieves stress. I can't stress the importance of nature enough. The dark ominous clouds before the rainfall. The bright oh happy day of the afternoon sunshine. Love it.

When I come back to work I play acoustic guitar to keep up my chops. I play songs and jam. Then I play video games for a while. Then I go into writing mode. Currently, I'm working on a short story or possibly novella. Again, this zombie apocalypse virus has really spiked my creative endeavors. After this thing blows over I hope to spice up my writing skills and get a writing gig somewhere. Difficult I know, but not impossible. During the current moment of crisis, as a creative person, I've found that words, sounds, and images have taken on much more severe importance. It's become much more visceral. It's all changed really.

Then I go to sleep and do it all over again. Every night before I go to bed I read. Even if its only twenty pages or thirty, I always read something. Currently, I'm reading The Plague by Albert Camus. It is truly a masterpiece in fiction. I'm inspired by the pandemic.

Sometimes I have morning shifts and that changes the dynamic. My schedule happens in reverse on those days. So you should maintain a schedule. My schedule is going to be different from yours, it goes without saying, but I believe if I keep doing what I'm doing I'm going increase my creativity, improve my writing and guitar playing, and save lives by practicing social distancing and staying away from others, only going out to get food and work, thankfully located at the same place. 

Next, tip number two. Always do things that are fun. Just dumb fun. For me, that includes playing video games to relieve stress. Video games are now one of those things that people can still do with others [online as opposed to in person], that still connects everybody, and is still fun. Voice communication in gaming has become more important during this time. It's a connection with others. If you don't like gaming you can catch up on shows you like. For example, I'd like to binge-watch Game of Thrones.  

Next, keep in touch with friends and family as much as you can so as to avoid too much self-isolation. The best way for me to keep in contact with friends is through phone, text, email, and social media. Every time I contact friends and family I feel a sense of relief, knowing that I'm not in this alone. Their well being is important to me and just knowing that life goes on for them without having the virus, their safety, it's a boost in our collective spiritual unity.

Lastly, you could learn something new. You could learn to play the guitar or the piano, how to cook a certain dish, a new work skill that will be more in demand after the virus goes away [if it goes away], or write a song, poem, blog, or op-ed about your thoughts during this historic moment. Even though technically the country is on lockdown it doesn't mean that life doesn't go on. 

"Nothing you can do if you want to sing the blues, but you know it don't come easy."

Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse Virus pt.1

So things have been pretty crazy as of late. Yes, I know that sounds like a broken record at this point. But this is unprecedented. I've never seen anything like this my entire life. This is what it's like during wartime by the way for all you youngsters out there. I've decided I'm going to start a series about life during the virus. Really get into the nitty-gritty details. Some of it might be a bore but nonetheless, I think it's an important time to write down all our thoughts on digital paper [ :D ] while the crisis goes on. Who knows,  maybe it will be of use to us as a record. Life during the New Dark Ages. I coined that term first. You read it here first folks. 

Okay, so I've decided on calling the coronavirus the zombie apocalypse virus because for one thing it just sounds way cooler. Much sexier. Yes, I know that corona apocalypse has been trending on Twitter but let's face it folks, that name sucks. The zombie apocalypse virus is better. Because essentially that's sort of what it's like. Sure there are no real zombies walking around but the fact that there are people who have the virus who don't know they have the virus makes them a lot like zombies. And the fact that the elderly are at risk too. Zombies would love killing old people. Oh, the humanity! 

But seriously! Okay, so work has been pretty intense the last two weeks straight. Just in case you're new here, I work retail at a grocery store. Yeah, I know, hard to believe a guy who works retail spends all his time reading science fiction and philosophy. 

We've been swamped with so many freakin' customers nonstop. The first two weeks were absolutely nuts. No carts, no wipes by the door, no bags for the groceries to be put into, no water, no wipes, no sanitizer, no toilet paper, and that was just the first two weeks. We could barely get the customers out and sometimes the wait times were 20 mins or longer. 

The parking lot is a disaster zone. You can't even walk out into the parking lot without possibly getting run over. People are in mass pandemic panic mode right now. It's scary. Ce la vie, that's life. Keep in mind that they just closed another branch of our store down the street so we have all this increased traffic from that recently closed store. Adding to that is the fact that our store is also remodeling the store every night for the next two months. Bad timing! 

So two weeks of this go by. The workers are exhausted. Management doesn't have a clue what they're dealing with. Especially with the sickness and/or spread of it. Enter week three. The store runs out of most items. Most items. Almost all the shelves in the store are empty. Everyday. All-day. The only time we can restock the shelves is at night when the store is closed. The solution? We open later and close earlier. New emergency coronavirus store hours: 8am to 8pm, every day, indefinitely. This is every grocery chain out here by the way. Oh, boy!

Despite the fact that the store is closing early every night, management is still making a lot of the staff stay late during the evenings, some of us as late as 1am, which is my normal gig at that little store. We clean, grab all the carts in the parking lot, take out the garbage, and put all the gobacks back where they belong. It ain't much but it's honest work. There's a real art to the gobacks work now. With almost all the items gone, mia from the shelves, you have to match all the items with the UPC code stickers and find the items that way. It's a bitch. I don't even think upper management would have the patience for that kind of work. They would say it's beneath them. Or perhaps they would get frustrated instantly with how tedious it truly is? You decide. Either way, it's definitely one way of making us work hard for our paycheck.   

The one thing that is very scary about the retail gig and the zombie apocalypse virus going on at the same time is the fact that there's a reported case of the virus at a hospital nearby, and I'm in physical contact with all these customers, potentially an unlimited amount every day I work and continue to work, and potentially unlimited items every item that I touch every time I work. The reality of the matter is that nobody in my town except the one case has been tested so even if they show symptoms they can just ignore going to the doctor, keep living their lives, and nobody would be the wiser. What a sick twisted turn of fate.  At first, it was a comedy, now it is a tragedy.

Luckily I finally found some gloves that I can start wearing for my shift tomorrow. I've been washing my hands like crazy, drinking vitamin C supplements every day, and wearing a hat and sweater outdoors so I don't get sick. Even having a regular cold/flu at this time is horrible as it would look bad at the store when customers come in contact with me. Even my coworkers wouldn't like it.  The world goin' crazy.

Every day I look at the world from outside my window. I flip open my computer and read the latest news about the virus. I read slowly so I can understand every little detail. None of it is good. Nothing is getting better. It's only getting worse. The governor just announced that he's closing all bars and limiting numbers of peoples at restaurants and/or just closing them down. The elderly have been ordered to stay indoors as they are the most vulnerable. And possibly the most pigheaded and stubborn. Because I saw a lot of old people at work today. Very sickly old people. Not good. 

When we survive this it will be like a new age of enlightenment. People will all of a sudden become wiser, more humble, nicer, more serious. They won't go out for frappes as much. It will take losing a lot of happiness from social gatherings, a broken economy, and a quartine to bring the world to a better fate. I hope. 

This will be an ongoing series. Welcome to the New Dark Ages. If you catch the zombie apocalypse virus you will be quarantined for 14 days. Even if you don't get it your city might have to quarantine anyways. Don't touch your face. Wash your hands. What a way to live. In the end, the world doesn't end with us saving the girl in some war-torn country. Instead, we get super sick and pass it on to others. Oh, the irony!   

Welcome to the machine.

Fun Day During the Plague of 2020

Hello, ladies and gents. I wanted to write another post during what I will now call the Plague of 2020, aka coronavirus outbreak. To think our government knew this was coming for two months yet only 2,000 people have actually been tested for it in the United States. What the heck man! That's truly fucked right there. How is it even humanely possible to be that fucking stupid as the President of the United States? Now it's too late in a sense because 1) there aren't enough tests to test everyone 2) there's no way to tell if you actually have it, and or differentiating it from regular flu 3) it's already too late because the numbers are getting worse by the day. Thanks a lot, Trump. But this post isn't about Trump. But we can all agree that he's human scum for lying about there being enough tests when there aren't any nor nearly enough. The incompetence is through the roof here folks. 

Okay, okay. I'll settle down now. I just had to get the "partisan" outta me. Lol.

Now we have new social buzzwords like social distancing, aka "get the fuck away from me." In a way, I'm totally excited about these new exciting times. It's like living during the Plague. This virus is going to be so bad that it's going to completely change America and the world, turning them and it, into a better place. How? Through suffering and perseverance, things will go through the natural state of nature, a metamorphosis that will result in a better world, where people will care more. That's usually how these things work. Just ask the Chinese. They know all about it. 

Americans haven't really suffered like other cultures have suffered. This little taste of suffering will improve our character as a people. 

Anyways, considering the fact that perhaps soon there will come a time when there will be regional shutdowns, I went to my favorite Chinese restaurant. I had a wonderful meal and a good time with my dad. 

I got one of my favorite meals of all time. Barbequed pork with fried tofu and vegetables over rice. The only problem with this terrific dish is that they actually give you too much rice in proportion to the other stuff. The barbeque pork is real barbeque pork. None of that fake Panda Express stuff. Good texture and flavor. The fried tofu was hot and delicious. The rice soaked in the sauce was tasty.

My father ordered one of our favorite dishes. Barbequed pork wonton noodle soup. It's one of the best meals I've ever had in my life. A working man's meal. He enjoyed it. 

The restaurant didn't have too many people because of the virus scare. At one point everyone left except the workers and my dad and I had the entire restaurant to ourselves. At some point, more customers came in. All Chinese. No Americans. That's just the way it goes. 

I spent most of the day before and after reading Lee Child's The Midnight Line.

Fun day during the plague of 2020. 

Punk show last night

Last night I went to a pretty sick show at the Sugar Mill Saloon. The show was sponsored by Demon Candy Promotions. I was around for three bands. All great. 

The first band was Kittenhead. They're a female-led group consisting of a white chick frontwoman singer, a black chick guitarist, an Asian chick bassist, and a white dude on drums. Talk about diversity! I actually haven't seen a band like that live before. The guitarist and bassist kept switching off instruments. They were proficient at guitar and bass, both of them. However, the Asian chick was the better guitarist. But the black chick was funkier. 

They reminded me of the 90s bands fronted by women like The Cars. But they had a more punk rock edge. The three girls sang vocals and sometimes they switched off between lead vocals. The black chick even had songs where she rapped. And she was good. And funky with her guitar playing. They weren't terrific or remarkable in any particular way. Rather, they were the perfect rock band. Perfect in the sense that you know that these musicians aren't remarkable on their own. However, when they come together as a band they are greater than the sum of their parts. Wowie zowie! 

The second band was called Rosemary Reyes. Loudest band I've ever heard in my life. The guitarist even told me outside the bar that he couldn't hear himself. "Did it sound good?" Sure did, buddy. Okay, first of all, this band is one of a kind and I will never see another band quite like it. For starters, the band is fronted by a 72-year-old woman! 

The guitarist was quite good. He was playing an old 1950s guitar, possibly a Silvertone from the looks of it. He had a Vox half stack setup. He had a great fuzzed-out guitar tone emanating throughout the place. Honestly, his guitar playing was carrying the whole band from start to finish. The old lady singing was doing a punk rock snarl throughout every song. I couldn't understand a word. It was all gibberish. So much for punk rock. BUT...the fact that she's fronting a punk band at that age is freaking inspiring. She's a true inspiration. Even though I wasn't a fan of her vocals she looked cool and even sounded cool. 

I was very impressed with the guitar player. He was playing punk rock so his guitar playing was limited to just hardcore rhythms, power chords, and open chords. He did do one solo but it was like maybe ten seconds long. But he made it sound so good. His guitar was an old 1950s model. It's quite fascinating how those old guitars from the 50s actually look futuristic like they could've been made in 2020. Those were the days. They were so loud. I've never seen a band play there that sounded so loud. It was quite good. The young drummer killed it with a lot of hardcore fills. The bassist was very good as well. Talk about fuzz tone.

The last band was Swords of Fatima. The group consists of a girl singing and playing guitar with just a drummer. Because it's just a duo it sounds more rock and roll, more visceral, more raw, more punk rock, maybe even more blues. I didn't stay for the whole set but the drummer was on point. And her guitar playing was great, especially her rhythms. 

It was late and I called it a night. A good show indeed. You can listen to these bands on YouTube but those videos aren't as good as the real, live, thing. Women in rock and roll are pretty damn cool. 

Working for Something

Just read a short blog post that inspired me to write another vlog style motivational post. What are you working for? Most of us have jobs so that we can spend our free time doing the things we want. Leisure and all that jazz. However, because we only have one life we have to make use of our free time wisely. 

For example, I stopped playing video games hardcore and now I have a lot more free time for reading books-news-articles, listening to music,  playing guitar, and hanging out with my friends. I stopped hanging out with my friends more than three times a week because I realized that we need more space and time between us. Absence makes the heart fonder.

At the end of my workday [1 AM shift, been on this schedule for 6 years now], all I really have time or energy for is to read books, write, and possibly play guitar [I need to play more, but that's another post]. I wouldn't even have the energy to stay up all night to play video games because I'm already staying up half the night ending my work shift, and then reading until I crash and fall asleep. 

What am I working towards? Generally speaking, I'm working towards enjoying leisure reading as well as increasing my education through great books, weather they are science fiction, classics, philosophy, history, historical fiction, and poetry. I'm also working towards becoming a better writer. Lastly, I'm working towards increasing my musical chops, learning Sequenza by Berio, as well as learning more jazz standards. It's a lot. 

There are other goals I have that seem more difficult. Like finding a girlfriend. However, the goals I have now are things that I love and would be happy to keep working on 5-10 years from now. Most of my free time needs to be spent in gainful activity. I have an addictive personality and I'm wired most of the time. Once I start something, I really get into it, mastering every bit and piece of it, until I can call myself some kind of master, even if not a 'true' master of said art. I've been doing this with the guitar, with reading novels and trying to with writing. 

I've got to keep pushing myself. You've only got one life to live. If you work hard to get just a little slice of heaven, then you need to make sure every visit is worth it when you get to the Gate. 

Spring 2019 Goals

Hello ladies and gents. Here I'd like to go on a short motivational speel about goals. Personal mostly but this can apply to anyone relatively speaking. Spring 2019 is here. Life is moving by quickly. Have you been working on all your New Years resolutions? Are you getting everything you want to be done? 

First, my biggest New Years Resolution [only one really] was to work out more. In the beginning of the year I was working out super hard. In fact, during the first week I ran 2 miles everyday for five days. That was way too extreme. Hurt my legs. But I felt great in my mind. I had a strong mental mindset about the whole thing. Then, the California winter was super harsh, so I didn't run because of the rain and cold. Now, spring is here so I have no excuse. I'm not going to go hardcore. In fact, I'll probably run one day, then rest the next. End up running 3 days, resting for 4 days. My weight is still the same, which is not good, as I'm above 200 pounds. I have a lot more work to do. 

Second, I need to learn how to eat less. Contrary to what Americans believe, it isn't the fact that I don't exercise much that I'm overweight. Its the fact that every day I'm eating too much, overfeeding my body, too many calories. If I can learn to eat less [and drink less soda, drink more water], I can lose weight the natural way, by just allowing the weight to fly off, by letting my body be hungry more. This is more difficult than working out for me because my friends all love to eat out all the time and they sure as hell don't eat healthily. In fact, they're all getting overweight too. I was doing this for a while and I managed to lose twenty pounds. Unfortunately, I went back to bad eating habits and gained the weight back. This is the most difficult task for me. My number one goal.

Third, finish my novella and show it around to some publishers. I've been working on a novella [long short story] and my goal once I've finished it is to show it around to some publishers and try to get it published. If I can't get it published its no big deal. In fact, I think just learning how to write better in the process is worth it just by itself. My goal is 100 pages. I currently have 28 pages. So I've got a lot more writing and editing to do before I even really discuss it with anyone.

Fourth, release an album for sale on Bandcamp. I've been working with an alto saxophonist named Jason Thomas. He says he can get us free studio time. Our end goal is to record at the studio and release the best tracks as an album on Bandcamp, a music website people use to sell their tunes. I also want to perform live with him more whether it just be open mics or real gigs. Hopefully real gigs. I also want to find a bass player so we can have a legit jazz trio. The guitar, alto saxophone duo is cool but we really need that bass for the low end, as well as having the complete complementary instrumentation. 

Fifth, read more books. Reading is my spirit animal at this point. Most of all my blog posts are about novels. I love reading with a  passion. Maybe even as much as music. Or more? Not sure. I want to finish reading The Illiad, read the Aeneid,  the Odysee, finish the Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri, more Hemingway novels, more philosophy, in particular, finish reading Heidegger's Time and Being. Hopefully, I get to all those. Its a lot but I've got the discipline and reading habit to actually do it. I'm a reading machine.

Sixth, think about finding another job if my family doesn't end up moving. The family plan is to move to Chicago but I'm not sure when if ever that is going to happen. I love California and I'd love to stay here but its too expensive to live here on my own. If we end up staying in California say, another year, then my plan will be to find another job. Retail can only take you so far in life. They're not giving me that many hours anymore. Sometimes its good to know when to pull the plug. 

Life is full of distractions. In a way its good that my friends are busy working most of the time. I've found that seeing my friends only once or twice a week is a lot better for our friendship. Time makes the heart fonder, as they say. Not only that, but I enjoy more free time by myself, where I'm able to work on all my goals. A lot of my friends have moved away and others have drifted apart. Sometimes you have to realize that some people will only be in your life for a short while. Such is life. In the meantime, I'm going to keep pushing myself, and fight the good fight, so to speak. 

Captain Marvel [film]

Captain Marvel is the latest Marvel superhero flick [2019] about the character Carol Danvers, from the comics. Produced by Marvel Studios and Walt Disney Motion Pictures, it is the 21st film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. "The film is written and directed by Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck, with Geneva Robertson-Dworet also contributing to the screenplay. Brie Larson stars as Danvers, alongside Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Mendelsohn, Djimon Hounsou, Lee Pace, Lashana Lynch, Gemma Chan, Annette Bening, Clark Gregg, and Jude Law. Set in 1995, the story follows Danvers as she becomes Captain Marvel after Earth is caught in the center of a galactic conflict between two alien worlds." [wiki] 

Captain Marvel has some feminist overtones. But for who and why? I would say Captain Marvel is a female superhero movie for young adult males. Its a movie for fanboys that want to see a girl kick ass. Be a badass. Or something like that. Brie Larson smashes her way through every obstacle in the movie, just like any other male superhero would. No thinking involved. No surprise there.

What makes a female superhero different from a male superhero? Of course, I would have to say feelings, emotions, empathy. This movie has just a little bit of that. I really enjoyed the scenes where Brie Larson wasn't smashing her way through everything, where she could just be herself, a young woman dealing with complicated issues. The most emotional moment of the film for me was when Captain Marvel's best friend, a young female black pilot, and mother, tries to remind her of who she was, before she became a Kree, before Captain Marvel, to remember her past life. That scene was so real, visceral, it felt like something real, not a superhero movie. I actually smiled during that scene because it felt so real. That was some good acting. 

The young Samuel L. Jackson with the CGI young face was pretty cool. He gives the film a 90s Pulp Fiction vibe, minus the afro. The introduction of the Skrulls to the Marvel universe was interesting, as well as the Kree. The Flerkin cat sometimes acted out by a CGI cat was a real treat. Brie Larson does a fine job of being the latest and greatest Marvel superhero. But my 'bro' friends didn't quite agree.

We spent quite some time arguing about the film at lunch. They seemed to think the film had some overt feminist sjw [social justice warrior] vibes and that was a bad thing to them. I agreed but said that was a good thing. Let's put it this way, in today's day and age you can't have a female superhero that isn't a social justice warrior. You're never going to see a female superhero who is alt-right, extreme or anything of that nature. We're still in the middle of the Me Too Movement, where women are making headway in terms of status. The original feminists are much different from the feminists of today. Mostly in the fact that today's feminists will never get everything that they want. However, when it comes to Captain Marvel, Brie Larson does certainly bring a feminist charm. She's an attractive blonde [although she has a flat ass, as my friends complained], and she's used her platform as an actress to speak out against the lack of diversity amongst film reviewers. She even said of one of her films, "if you're a forty-year-old white dude, this movie wasn't made for you." That is such an explicit statement and I commend her for using her power to say whatever the fuck she wants. Most women don't do that because they're not allowed too, because some old white man is in charge of them or their work. What my friends fail to realize is that feminism is here to stay. It's alive and well. Thriving in fact. Brie Larson makes Captain Marvel a powerful female protagonist. I think what Brie Larson represents [sjw's, feminism, more female superhero movie directors, more female superheroes] is more important than her actual acting job done here as Captain Marvel. The RottenTomatoes fiasco was a big part of it. People won't forget about her or this movie. I think it will help her career. She'll find more appealing, better-acting roles, and be respected for it in the long run.

Larson's personality as Captain Marvel isn't captivating but it's still something. Her incredible power isn't some rare occurrence. She isn't a young Rei from The Force Awakens, who suddenly has more power than a Sith Lord out of nowhere. Rather, Captain Marvel is powerful because she got her powers from the Tesseract, an object linked to the Infinity Stones, making her one of the most powerful superheroes in the Marvel universe. When we see Brie Larson beating the crap out of an army of Skrulls, with dead weight chains over her arms, we realize that she's a complete badass. That's what the fans what, a woman who's a badass. Of course, being a woman who's badass gets old, just as it gets old when guys do it. When you pour the beer in the cup and let the foam dissolve, so to speak, you realize that this movie is just another beat-em-up Marvel superhero flick, devoid of anything meaningful or memorable. At the end of the day, it's just another goofy Marvel movie with trained actors running around in funny outfits. However, that doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy it. At least it was better than The Ant-Man and the Wasp, which was totally forgettable. 

Check out my other Marvel movie reviews below. I've seen so many of these superhero flicks. Luckily I saw all these movies free because I have a friend who works at AMC Theatres as a team member. 
 
Antman and the Wasp https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/2018/07/antman-and-wasp.html
Avengers Age of Ultron https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/2015/05/avengers-age-of-ultron-thoughts.html
Avengers Infinity War https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/2018/05/avengers-infinity-war.html
Guardians of the Galaxy 2 https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/2017/05/guardians-of-galaxy-2.html
Spiderman Into the Spiderverse https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/2019/01/spiderman-into-spiderverse.html
Deadpool 2 https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/2018/06/dead-pool-2.html
Thor Ragnorak https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/2017/12/thor-ragnarok.html
Doctor Strange https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/2016/11/time-will-tell-how-much-i-love-you.html
Deadpool I https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/search?q=deadpool
Venom https://ofigueroamusic.blogspot.com/2018/10/venom.html 

Jazz Duo Project

Here I'd like to share some of my recent music projects. I've been doing a jazz duo, myself on guitar and Jason Thomas on alto saxophone. We're doing standards but we're also doing a lot of free form improvisational stuff. Check out some of our music. 

https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/all-blues-2 
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/all-blues 
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/st-thomas 
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/improv-1 
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/funky-improv-1 
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/freedie-freeloader 
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/blue-bossa 
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/jazz-duo-metal-jam 
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/body-and-soul 

Also, we performed last week at an open mic at Petie's Place, a bar in Tarzana, CA. 
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/footprints-live-at-open-mic
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/all-blues-1
https://soundcloud.com/orlando-figueroa-17/blues-jam-dminamaj7-vamp

I actually thought the live open mic recordings weren't so hot when I played it. However, when I look back at it I see that there was a lot of inspired playing there. My guitar tone was especially good during Footprints, that greasy chorus-infused synthetic sound adds a lot of flavor to the modern jazz guitar sensibility. Likewise, the alto saxophone sound is unique, clean, but full of all kinds of permutations. We played especially well on the improvisational blues jam vamp, where there was an extended alto saxophone solo. The drum solo really adds a lot of momentum to the jam. It was here rather than in the two jazz standards that this impromptu band started to sound like magic.

February Update

Howdy partner! I've had a lot of free time lately, but haven't been writing as much. However, I've been extremely busy living an interior life, which of course involves a lot of reading and guitar playing. 

Usually I keep the blog updated very frequently but I haven't finished any novels, albums, or seen any interesting movies. However, I'm in the middle of a couple of great books and I'm even writing a rough draft for a novella, which I will try to get published, eventually, maybe in 2020 when I'm done with it. My goal is for it to be around 100 pages. Its about growing up in the Midwest in the early 2000's, very autobiographical. 

For starters, I've been reading this epic [457 page] science fiction novel by Cecelia Holland, a female historical fiction writer, called Floating Worlds. Floating Worlds is her first and only science fiction novel and it is quite grand. In a way, this book heavily reminds me of Schismatrix Plus by Bruce Sterling, however, this book was written in 1976, some ten years before Schismatrix Plus. 

Basically, the Earth has been run down by pollution. Anarchists control the Earth's government. There are people on other planets and even aliens [Martians and others], called Styths. Our female protagonist gets a government job [ironic b/c they're anarchists], and is in charge of writing a treaty between the anarchists of Earth and Styths, these 'black' aliens with mustaches, claws, and very tall bodies. The female lead ends up getting the treaty by sleeping with the Styth leader, and she even has a baby by him! I'm about half-way through the novel. Interesting to note that the Styths say the word 'nigger' a lot, usually in reference to humans. In addition, Martians and other alien races refer to the Styths as niggers. I imagine that this would upset a lot of the social media crowd these days.

The idea is a very popular science fiction trope: a grand space opera spanning many pages. However, the writing is unlike most science fiction space operas I've read. The writing is simplistic, sometimes even bare bones. Sentences read easily, in fact, you could say the book reads itself, although it is quite long. Its quite something to see that you don't have to be as technical as say William Gibson or even Bruce Sterling to write great science fiction. This is a great example of that. 

In addition, I've been reading Being and Time [1927, 500 pages] by Martin Heidegger, the modern German philosopher.  In Being and Time, Heidegger attempts to explain "what is being". He says that since the time of the Greeks, philosophers have avoided the question, instead referring to the analysis of particular beings. He goes on to explain and define the meaning of being. I can't say that I truly understand everything in Being and Time. However, everything written in it is so captivating that sometimes I can't put it down. It keeps my attention, and makes me think very hard about what he's trying to say, which is to definite being. 

One thing that makes it very difficult to understand is the fact that its translated from German, meaning that a lot of the words and phrases get lost in translation. If you truly want to study Being and Time, you would have to read it in German. The other aspect of understanding here is the fact that the ideas presented are so abstract, so abstract that you can get lost in thoughts, your own thoughts about the ideas presented, as well as the sentences themselves. This is the most difficult philosophy I've read, [and I've read bits of Plato, Aristotle, Sir Tomas More, Francis Bacon, Margaret Cavendash, Hobbes, Descartes, Adam Smith, Voltaire, and Bertrand Russell]. Nonetheless, its a terrific work that keeps me thinking and striving to understand 'being'.  Very motivating!

Moving on, and speaking of Germans, I just today started reading Man in the High Castle [1962, 240 pages] by Phillip K. Dick. I read half the book at the library and plan on finishing it soon. Its a terrific novel with a great pace. There is a show based on the novel on Amazon Prime but it doesn't hold a candle to the majesty of the novel itself. This novel won the prestigious science fiction award, the Hugo Award in 1963-well deserved! 

The Man in the High Castle is an alternate history novel where Germany and Japan won World War II. Now, the Nazi's and Japan share control over the world, including the United States. The book makes use of the I, Ching, an ancient Chinese text used for religion, psychoanalysis, literature, and art. The way its used in the novel is fascinating, a sort of book within a book, with extra variations and themes. Man in the High Castle has everything: art, philosophy, plot, character, suspense, action, and character. I'll probably write about it in my next post. 

Life is moving fast. I'm trying to keep up day-to-day with what is really important. Inevitably, this means that I haven't been playing video games, instead preferring to read, write, and nap [sleep is the best 'drug' you can ever use]. I'm finding that my time is becoming more precious so playing Overwatch just doesn't do it for me anymore. I still play Smash Ultimate with my buddies when I hang out with them. But when I'm by myself I'm going to stick with the more important stuff, reading, writing, napping, and playing guitar. 

Thanks for reading, I look forward to the next post about Man in the High Castle. 

Spiderman Into the Spiderverse

Spiderman Into the Spiderverse is one of those superhero flicks that you can really enjoy, maybe even more so than Avengers [fight me if you disagree!]. What makes this movie so enjoyable is that it goes into the human mind, the human framework of the superhero. It turns out that what makes superheroes super isn't their powers, but they're inherently human traits and characteristics, and perhaps even their failings. Here, we have a young black/Hispanic kid [just like me], who ends up getting spidey powers after getting bitten by a radioactive spider underground in some sewers.

Its the same old Spiderman story but this kid is a lot different from Peter Parker. His parents want him to go to this preppy smart kids school and he just wants to go to regular city house school. On top of that, he watches as Kingpin kills Spiderman! [Peter Parker] 

Not only that but it turns out that there's a multiverse which Kingpin is activating with the help of Doc Oc's [famous old Spidey villain] daughter, Liev. Once the multiverse is opened up Miles Morales [this movie's main star and Spiderman], ends up meeting a bunch of other Spidermans, and Spiderwomen. It turns out that Gwen Stacy [young girl, high school] is Spiderwoman. There's a steampunk Spiderman with a trench coat who fights nazi's in his world. There's a fat Peter Parker from another dimension where he breaks up with Mary Jane. There's an anime Spidergirl who uses a mech [modeled after Overwatch's D.Va maybe?] And there's even a Peter Porker, a Loony Toons inspired Spiderman who happens to be a talking pig. [Spider pig anyone?]

So the story here is that Miles has to fight Kingpin and shut down the multiverse machine they're running in order to send all these various Spider people back to their own universes. But there's all these problems along the way. Fat Peter Parker has to show him the ropes. He does this by just shoving Miles out into the fray, learning by doing. This isn't something Morales is good at right away. In fact, all the other Spider people think he isn't ready for a job this big and that in fact, Peter Parker should do it. Miles gets upset at this and tells them he will figure it out and do it on his own. Along the way he ends up fighting a villain named the Prowler, who turns out to be his uncle. When he lifts his mask to reveal himself to the Prowler, the Prowler doesn't kill him. When Kingpin sees this, he fires his gun at Prowler, killing him. This is the catalyst for Morales to become a true hero. Life is struggle and contradiction. You must persevere to get to the good stuff. 

So Miles ends up finding the strength and courage within himself to fight the good fight. This is pretty tough for a high school kid. After all, he saw Peter Parker get smashed to death by Kingpin. It could happen to him too! This is the main story and theme of the movie, and it is a great one. It shows you what it takes to become a hero. Sometimes it can take everything. 

The other great aspect of this movie is the computer animation. The colourful, glowing pixels here are astounding, some of the best in the business using today's current technology. Some other great animated movies come to mind; Rango, Incredibles, Big Hero 6, Coco, Wreck-It-Ralph. This movie is apart of long line of other great animated movies. Those pixels were lush man! And all the other Spider people had their own unique animations. The anime girl Spider had a unique anime look and attacks. The pig Spider had cartoon puns and a funny little hammer that he used to fight. [you have to suspend your belief for that one] Heck, even Peter Parker's fat looked realistic. The art style of the movie had a cartoon 3D look to it but it was still realistic. Certain video games come to mind, mainly Overwatch with its graphics. But to debase the art style down to say that it looks like a video game doesn't do it justice. It looks better than a video game. 

The cool thing is that there's going to be more animated films based off this story arc here. At the end, after the credits we see another Spiderman, this guy is named Miguel. Looks like we're going to start seeing a much different breed of supermen and superwomen in the future. More minorities and more women. Looks like Marvel is changing a lot for the better. 

*Puts hand on shoulder of hot girl* "Hey"

Existential millennial crisis

This funny term came to my mind today when I was thinking about all of my friends. Existential millennial crisis. My friends are all in their mid to late 20's and life could be better for all of us. That being said, all of them seem to think that there's more to life, and "I want it. I want more. I want more out of this life. And I'm going to get it. Here's how." And then they proceed to tell me all these plans and solutions to said problem: How do I stay happy and get more out of life? 

There are no easy solutions to this. Its something I struggle with everyday. Part of it is a huge mental leap in positivity that cannot be broken by anything or anyone. This can be impossible for some people who aren't tough enough. You just have to have a tough mental attitude. But the answer for most of them seems to be this: "I'm stuck in a rut in LA. I have to get out of here and have a fresh start somewhere else." 

To that I say that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you can't make it in LA and be happy what makes you think anywhere else would make you happier? LA and the Valley is a very happy place with all kinds of people doing all manners of occupations. Living in California has been the happiest years in my life. Moving away isn't going to solve all their problems. Having to find a new job might be rough. Leaving your friends and family will be even tougher. 

I would say it would be better to solve the problem before you jump ship. Fight or flight isn't always the best response, especially when it comes to a millennial existential crisis. This seems to be a huge problem for all my friends right now. I actually feel for them because I don't seem to have these kinds of issues or plans, to run away and start anew. 

Two other friends are in a bad spot as well. One of them is getting kicked out by his landlord by the end of the month and instead of finding room mates right away he's sitting around with his thumb up his ass. He's trusting in God and not worrying about it, but in reality this is something he should be worried about and working on to solve. 

Another friend had the option to live with his father but doing so would mean that he wouldn't be able to play computer games 12 hours a day (he's a gaming addict, a very good gamer). I told him he should live with his dad and stop gaming so much, develop other hobbies such as reading (always my advice to all my friends), but in the end he chose the option where he could play games 12 hours a day. He now lives in a small apartment and shares a room with a 45 year-old man. Sounds just great right? No. In reality he's not feeling the situation, and he probably realized that he made a bad decision. Oh well. That's life. 

I've been thinking about all of this stuff and then thought about my own life. Of course, I'm not making a million dollars nor do I have a girl friend but there's more to life than that, and that's happiness. The one thing I have that they don't is that I'm happy where I'm at in life. This doesn't mean that I'm not going to try to do better, get a better job, perhaps go back to school, find a girl friend, etc. It means that I'm not going to run away from my problems related to my current situation. Instead, I'm going to tough it out and fix things here, where I can think clearly about my state.

You have to figure out your problems and work to fix them without running. Life is a complex shismatrix, it takes a lot of time and energy to figure out how to read between the lines. We live in the best state in the country, with the best weather, with more jobs than most states. Life is good here in the Valley, and I like it here. If you aren't happy and can't be satisfied here then you won't be satisfied anywhere. 

You might think I'm overthinking all of this but actually all this dialogue is helping me to process my friends' emotions as well as my own. Life is tough. Stick with it, don't give up. Strive for better. Persevere. But do it effectively. Don't run, don't go off on your own into the wild blue nether. You might not be as happy as you once were.

Merry Christmas

Christmas is three days away and the holiday cheer is at an all time high, especially at my work. There's been a lot of 48 hour weeks for me, which is good. I've been playing a ton of Smash Ultimate at my friends' house and I've really upped my skills, especially with Ridley and Starfox. I've already got most of the gifts I wanted to send to my family as well. The only thing that really gets to me is the holiday playlist at work. Its the same playlist every day for the entire month! Its been crazy, to say the least...

I was thinking about treating myself this Christmas and buying some new games. I was interested in Starwars Battlefront 2 (for the graphics and Starwars skin), Battlefield One (WW1 is a great theme with cool archaic weaponry), Dragon Ball Fighter Z on Steam (maybe, my friend has it on the Switch), and possibly Fallout 76 (it sucks but it will get better). I also wanted to get the new World of Warcraft expansion Battle for Azeroth but I know if I do that I'll spend too much time gaming, as well as paying a pesky 14.99 monthly fee. Damn you Blizzard! (Side note: I've been playing a ton of Overwatch lately, and I've become a better player, mostly playing Mercy, Ana, and Moira. I'm still just slightly below Gold Tier level in Competitive but I'll get there eventually)

Other things I was thinking about was computer books through the video game publisher HumbleBundle. They're offering all these computer programming and hardware books for cheap, they're all ebooks. Other than that I was just going to save my money and just get my folks whatever last minute gifts I needed to get them. I have a lot of cool stuff as it is, I don't need anything too expensive.  

There's a lot of bad energy out there going on in the world, especially in terms of politics. I just had a Trump supporter wearing a MAGA shirt say some racist stuff to me at work. I had to let it go because I don't want to lose my job. These Right-wingers are really acting out in the public sphere, its like Charlotteville all over again. There's the government shutdown happening soon because Trump can't get his 5.7 billion dollars for his Wall, despite the fact that most Americans don't want to spend extra cash on a wall. Trump's supporters like Ann Coulter are saying that if Trump backs down and doesn't get the funding for the wall, Trump will be utterly humiliated and will definitely not get re-elected. However, I happen to think that it doesn't matter what Trump does, he won't get re-elected. I think the American people have smartened up, they're no longer willing to be political peons, they're going to fight back against everything that Trump stands for; tax cuts for the wealthy, increasing division against our allies, bad foreign policy, bad deals, ideas, and retaliation in trade, and evil treatment of refugees and those seeking asylum, especially regarding small children. There's a lot to upset about this holiday season! 

Its a political shitstorm alright. Its hard not to get angry at the direction the country is going. These Trump supporters are really coming out of the woodwork and they're not afraid to show off their racist and misogynistic views. Its hard not to talk and think about this stuff as a young progressive American citizen. Sure I live in a nice neighborhood and I'm safely sheltered unlike most Black Americans, but I believe in the progressive model. Old white men have always told me that the older I get the more I'll realize that being Republican is the smart thing to do. However, I think that's just their wishful thinking. I think the Democratic agenda is much more realistic, more humane, and will reduce the drastic gap between rich and poor regarding income inequality. In short, I believe the Democrats will help me more than the Republicans in life. I believe, if the Republicans had their way, that nobody would receive government benefits without working a certain minimum amount of hours, passing drug tests, and applying for jobs within a certain time period. Its already like that in certain states. This place has really gone to the dogs. However, its the only land I know, and love. 

But that's enough about politics. I read the news everyday and the everyday events of the Trump Whitehouse is infuriating but not shocking in the slightest. We have a long way to go in electing intelligent and thoughtful politicians (Obama anyone?), that despite their political ideology, can unify our blessed nation into a cohesive whole, especially after devastating shootings, natural disasters, and at the very least pay respects to our fallen soldiers. The Republicans are putting up with Trump because he's their guy; this is their last hour of power in Washington, if the government is going to be shut down because Trump didn't get his wall, then government be damned. As said in a popular Washingtonpost op-ed: The rats (Republicans) eventually tend to jump off the sinking ship (Trump agenda).

But all that aside the holidays this year hasn't been too bad. It hasn't been too crazy at work or in general. Life is good. I'm getting a lot of reading done and still playing guitar. Lately, I've been reading this book on computers; How Computers Work by Ron White, this book from 2008, that covers a lot of material, mostly hardware and software, how it all works. I'm getting a lot out of it and plan on reading more about computers. 

Its interesting because at first when I started reading it I thought it was boring and that I wouldn't be able to get into it. I returned it and then re-checked it out again, but this time the information stuck. It reads like a manual with a lot of diagram pictures but it makes sense and isn't too difficult to comprehend. One thing I've learned is that if you want to be good with computers you have to learn a lot of advanced mathematics as well as have a lot of patience. It would be super difficult for me to learn computer programming because I'm terrible at math and don't have a lot of patience. However, I think I can understand how hardware works and perhaps learn to be able to fix most problems on my computer with more knowledge and experience under my belt. My plan is to eventually build my own PC. I think that would be a great conclusion to my computer knowledge and experience. 

Happy Holidays to you and your family. Thanks for reading my blog and supporting my writing, whoever you are and wherever you are. And despite your politics, God bless you, and God Bless America.

Merry Christmas!