Weekend Update

Greetings everyone! Thought I'd do a weekend update, unfortunately not SNL style, but rather a vlog style summary of what's been going on in my life. Alright, alright. 

I've been working a lot at the retail gig. Forty hours or more every week. This upcoming Halloween week I only have one day off. That's kind of a bummer. But if I learned anything from the first episode of Futurama, "you gotta do what you gotta do." I've found that at a job such as mine you really have to stay positive and keep a good attitude. This is where all my improvements in thinking [from literature] come to the rescue. 

I've stopped drinking soda and energy drinks at work. Now I'm not nearly as tired when I get off work at one am, nor am I as tired during the beginning or middle of my shifts. Overall, I feel a lot healthier and better. I've lost a few pounds already only after a couple days. My body feels like it's going through some sort of detox from all the sugar I've been ingesting all these years. I have withdrawals and crave the sugary rush but when I actually have a little bit of soda I find that I'm not satisfied by it anymore. Ain't that a bitch? That sudden realization that I was drinking too many calories and in fact not overeating all the time that contributed to my weight. That hit me like a lightning bolt.  

I'll probably have to cancel my weekly jazz jam session, unfortunately. I haven't had as much time for music as a result. I haven't even been listening to as much music either. Oh well, things happen. I haven't done the open mic sessions for two months now. Sometimes I think about giving it up for good. I've done it for about two years straight and I would say that it's run its course. Thankfully, I got a lot of great recordings out of it that you can hear on my Soundcloud. 

In terms of reading and improving the mind, that's been my number one goal. Today, I'm going to go through some Jack Reacher short stories before work. Within the last couple weeks, I've read Against Interpretation by Susan Sontag, Tractatus Logico Philosophicus by Wittgenstein, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig, and now I'm halfway through The Outsider by Colin Wilson. I've been reading a lot in my living room on the couch, but I also read a lot at Starbucks, where although it's noisy [damn indie rock music], it gives me an opportunity to get out of the house. I really love the coffee there as well. 

I've been thinking a lot about writing [thinking about writing a second novel, I finished my first one a while ago] but haven't had the time to really do much writing on my usual subjects: literary criticism/synopsis, my main and favorite subject the last couple of years. I'm sure I'll get back to it, in due time. I really want to write a review for Colin Greenland's space opera from 1990, Take Back Plenty. Now that is a true science fiction gem. However, as you can see from the recent posts I've been writing, just not about books. Not a lot but I'm keeping a flow, a gestalt if you will. Lately, I've been writing posts like these, going into my thoughts, my meager life [lol]. This goes with all the books I've been reading, as they've influenced me in my life heavily, more so than my friends and colleagues. So when you see me writing about the dialectics of the modern proletariat [a recent post] that is definitely an influence from philosophy and extended readings. 

Lastly, I want to say that reading doesn't just help with my writing but also with my social interactions. I always experience status inconsistency wherever I go but I've also learned that when you get to the heart of the matter and really use all your social skills to max capacity, you will end up having more friends than enemies. 

Have an excellent end of October weekend. Happy Halloween! Free candy for everyone! 

Lullaby

Here's a recording from within the last two weeks that I really liked. It's essentially a two-chord vamp, Cmaj/G7. We called for a jam in Cmaj, and this is what turned up. Not bad. 

https://soundcloud.com/user-294063763/lullaby 

Orlando Figueroa, Guitar
Jason Thomas, Alto Saxophone 

Enjoy

Dialectics of a modern proletariat

Here we get to the crux of the matter that I was trying to get into in the last post, entitled Black Metal October, the dialectics of a modern proletariat. Oh boy...here we go. 

Clearly, I haven't read enough Marx and Engels, or Hegel to truly discourse on said subject, so instead I'll do a write up on my personal views towards the matter. 

Work is a wonderful thing. In moderation. Even when you're too entrenched for free time sometimes. I've been in the working world for some thirteen years now. It's had its ups and downs, but mostly its been the same since day one when I was nineteen years old in Wisconsin. "Same shit, different day," as the snarky co-workers like to say.  Touche.

The thing about work is that when you consider that you're going to the same place every day and working for money, that is actually a purpose-driven life [john grisham], in and of itself. That alone is satisfying enough for most people to even consider their job their actual status in life. "I'm a banker." "I'm a doctor." "I'm a cashier." "I'm a warehouse worker." And they would never even question trying to be/label themselves as something else like a guitar player [my own personal circumstance], or a writer [me again], or a painter, comedian, actor, gamer, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, mechanic, etc.  

The hardest thing about work [for me] isn't the work in and of itself. I've worked hard for thirteen years straight with only six months off. I've only been unemployed for six months since I was nineteen. Anyways, the hardest thing for me is keeping a good attitude on the job. It's always a good attitude thing on the job, as opposed to when you're off the job, because when you're off the job who gives a shit, right? 

So the question then becomes how do you stay positive in a working experience? I'm not quite sure there's any real answer to this. For me it always goes back to myself, my own inner mind, my mind's eye if you will [happy Halloween!]. As you can tell, I'm a pretty down to earth guy who's been around the block, seen some shit, met a lot of interesting 'characters', if you will. But again, it always stems back to personal experience. How do you stay happy when you're working all the time? 

The truth is I'm not really sure. But I have some basic ideas. You have to enjoy all your free time away from work to the max, 100% overload. Work hard, but play much, much harder, so hard that if people from work chilled with you outside of work they'd have no idea of the 'real' you, you're ultimate persona [don't ask, its a California thing]. 

So for me, this would include hanging out with friends, guitar playing, music listening, writing, and reading a lot, performing at open mics. If I skimp on these other things for whatever reason I can't be chipper at work, it just will not work. Why not? Who knows, I'm not a psychologist, I'm more of a philosopher, an avid amateur one at that. 

The other side of the work coin that we haven't spoken of is one of metaphysics. Because you are working at whatever job it is that you do, you are fulfilling a job that is key in the universe, you are taking a position that is important whether you know it or not. Phillip K Dick has a novel where this guy is doing crossword puzzles [or something of that nature] and without his knowledge, because of the fact that he is doing these puzzles, the government is taking his answers and using them as coordinates to help stop an alien invasion. Talk about a great concept. Consider this. Because you are doing whatever it is that you are doing in your life, you are filling a void that is missing in the universe. When you leave, that void goes unfilled and could potentially cause disorder, decay, maybe even chaos. You're actually important even if you're a pencil pusher. How about that? 

Black Metal October

I figured I'd write a what's up, vlog-style post, considering I haven't written anything lately. 

The Holidays are here, and as a result, I've been working a lot at the retail gig. I'm doing a lot more daytime shifts, which are pretty tiring. However, a job's a job and everybody has to play his part, as they say. The hard-working proletariat never dies. But sometimes he gets stomped on. But that's subject for another discourse: The Dialectics of the Modern Proletariat, to be continued...

I've been reading nonstop, pretty hardcore actually. I read Colin Greenland's science fiction space opera Take Back Plenty, and then, on the recommendation from a friend I read Robert M. Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. In between I read Wittgenstein's The Preliminary for the Philosophical Investigations, which includes his Brown and Blue books, notebooks for his friends and students in philosophy. Quite a stellar reading list if I may say so myself. I haven't written about any of these because in a way I'm still gathering my thoughts on them and in addition, I'm continuing to read so much more every day that it's hard to keep up, to put my thoughts on previous readings on paper, or in this case computer writing format. Now I'm reading Susan Sontag's Against Interpretation and Other Essays. After that, I plan on reading The Outsiders by Colin Wilson. Wow. "Gotta get down to it." 

I've also been chilling with my friends a lot too. We play a lot of Smash Ultimate. I don't really do any solo computer gaming anymore at this point. I've sort of given up on it because I don't get the same level of joy, excitement, or motivation to improve at video games anymore. The thrill is gone. Video games are important only in a superficial instant gratification sense, once you get past that, you realize that there's so much more Quality, gravitas, emotional content in music and literature. I could actually predict a time when video games become uninteresting and kids actually begin to lose interest, and start playing instruments and reading books. A utopian pipedream.

I'm also working more seriously on losing weight. My plan is to eat less. So far its been working. The great thing is that I'm a lot more alert and on the ball when I'm not overfed. It will probably take at least three months to see real results but already I know that I'm a lot quicker to the draw, especially at work. Who knows, maybe I can go from fat Buddha to skinny Buddha in this fashion? To sit under the Bodhi tree and only eating what is required and nothing more.

I haven't been playing as much guitar but I will probably play a bit tonight. I haven't played the keyboard in a while either but again, I'll play a bit tonight. The hardest thing about music is keeping up the practice. There's so many other goals and pursuits, its easy to put it off one day, then two, then three, etc. For me I notice that if I'm not constitently listening to music all the time then I won't practice guitar or keyboard either. Reading in silence becomes my music, and it is not a bad music either! 

I'm going to end with a nod to Halloween. Back in 2017 I wrote a black metal song entitled Spirits of the Dead, with my then current band. Check out the song on YouTube here. Yes, that is me on guitar and vocals LOL. Oh, to be a young metalhead. Also, its notable that I wrote the song on a gloomy rainy morning in Octobert 2017. I played the song at least ten times at open mics with Martin Arevalo, on drums. One time we got a very good lead guitarist to play lead for the song while I did rythmn and vocals, it's a killer recording.

Spirits of the dead!

Struggle and internal contradiction

Oh, that magic feeling...

Lately, I've been writing a lot of op-ed sort of blogs about life, my ideas, philosophy, my particular thought processes as of late, autumn 2019. Here's one for you: struggle and internal contradiction. 

A lot of my posts have been sort of feel-good type of things [you need to push yourself, keep going, don't quit, etc], and some of it has been sort of depressing to write about, yet also uplifting in a philosophical way, zen-like. 

There were some continuous themes. Getting older. Changes that weren't necessarily good or bad. But seem bad. Work getting harder, more physical. Being more tired. How do deal with all of this? Keeping your mindset strong rather than just positive.  Or strong and positive.

The thing about all that is that there are struggles and contradictions with regard to all of that. You have to be young to become old. If things didn't change you couldn't appreciate how good things really are/were. For work to become more difficult means you'd have to have had a much easier time at some point in the past. You have to have been full of energy [younger] before you realize you're getting more and more easily tired [older]. 

I might write/say/think one thing and yet may not completely mean it at that moment when proclaiming it. Does that mean that I really mean it? This goes into the analytical side of thought. [which is my true aim out of all these vlog type posts]  To question everything, even yourself.

Consider this: I've been more and more easily tired at work for no particular reason in particular. I was dead half my shift. Dead, as in not very responsive, overly tired, slow, prone to error. Yet, half-way through my shift today I came back from lunch and my attitude was completely changed. I was in the best mood I've ever been in at work. It manifested as me smiling a lot, laughing a lot with my co-workers, being very engaging with every customer. How does something like that happen? And how do you keep such an enlightened state going the next day, month, years, a lifetime? 

The answer could be whatever you make of it. Something just hit me, a pierce in the veil. Sitting under the bodhi tree. Could've been a result of a good lunch. Or a good reading session on said lunch. Realization of something that wasn't thought about consciously or self-consciously. Many things, one thing, or nothing at all. It's important to remember moments like these. It feels good and it was memorable work experience. I think even my co-workers noticed and reacted in kind. It was fun. Cheery. Jovial even. What do you do with this sort of realization? Anything or nothing at all I suppose. This goes to show [character] that a lot of our internal struggles and contradiction could, in fact, be something we can overcome, somehow, in our own way, on our own time, in our own condition. Perhaps I will meditate more. Ruminate on peace and love in the universe. Namaste.

Nowhere to go...

The End

And in the end...

A lot of times I think about the present and think about how it is the end. The end of what? The end of various things, from trivial matters to big, important matters. The end of a jam session, hard day of retail, a day off, a day, a year, a decade, twenty years, thirty years. A life.

I was pretty sad the other day when I found out that Ginger Baker, drummer for Cream, the second rock supergroup after the Beatles had died. He was eighty years old. He lived a full life. Yet it still got to me. Ginger has always been my favorite rock and roll drummer. Before he was in Cream, he played jazz and blues gigs with Jack Bruce. I've seen him on video playing very good straight-ahead jazz drumming styles, something akin to Elvin Jones, Buddy Rich, and Art Blakey, the best of the best in the genre. 

Ginger's death made me think of a lot of other things that have come to an end. My best friend at work got transferred to another store, a promotion for him. We still hang out but a lot less often because his work is a lot farther, and his hours have changed. On top of that, a very good friend of mine seems to be too busy to hang out. The solitude of my home life has been removed due to a new housemate. My attitude about playing open mics has changed. Sometimes I'm just not feeling it and end up not going after practicing said songs to be performed. What's the deal? 

Sometimes I even go to the extremes of going through all my intellectual reading pursuits, discussing it with people in public, and with friends, and think to myself, "What's the point? Will anyone ever care about Littgenstein's Brown and Blue Books? Heidegger's Being and Time? Descartes? The Tale of Genji? A Distant Mirror? Floating Worlds?" The obvious answer is that it might not matter if they don't care because I care, that's the only thing that matters in a sense. Of course I don't mean this in selfish way, rather, so many people are so intellectually bankrupt they wouldn't care to discuss philosophy or literature. But that's subject for another discourse. 

Things change. People change. We have to keep on going, moving on, keep on grooving. The road we travel is a solo path even if you have a wife or girlfriend. Friends are great company but I've found that most of my friends, who are mostly younger than me, are a lot more arrested than myself, meaning, that most of our hangouts consist of me babysitting in a way. It's a sad realization. At first it was, a farce, now tis but a tragicomedy. That's a Marx quote, one of my favorites. 

Now we get to the crux of the matter. Everything you love will be gone one day. Enjoy everything you can and live with no regrets. Even just living life one year ago with the different dynamics is something I miss dearly.

Everything changes but in the end the song remains the same.

Strawberry Fields Forever

Day by day, alone on a hill...

Each day passes us by. Sometimes we have bad days that sort of bleed into all the other days,  a sort of 24/7 existentialism. Because a happened yesterday it bothers us today, in addition to b being a problem today. What helps us cope with that? How do you focus more on the positivity of being, being in the worldhood of the world? 

Plans with friends get canceled somehow five times in a row. Work gets more strenuous. Time seems to be flowing faster and faster. Your relaxation time seems to be like work. [reading, writing, guitar playing becomes a second job because it is] Instead of doing the things you want to do you end up just sleeping. Everybody's laughing, everybody's happy. But here you are. 

The easy zen answer to all this is that every day is a new day. Tomorrow is only yesterday's tomorrow. But that does not mean that yesterday bleeds into tomorrow, today, the present, the past, or the future. I would go so far as to say that you're not even the same person today as you were yesterday. A multitude of factors determines this. But mostly chemicals in the brain. 

Come together. The more you want to drift off and sulk into your own self-pity and sorrow, you need always remember that there are still caring people in the world despite the pitiful state of affairs in the world. The more you can relate to everyday people the more you see humanity, peace, and love in others, and in yourself. Come together, yeah. 

Because. We feel sad, depressed, anxious, and tired because we are human rather than machines. That is why you must find all your favorite things and enjoy life. You must sit in self-reflection, ruminate on your ideas, thoughts, consciousness, and yet still engage in the world with real, everyday people, rather than sitting in isolation, as some sort of self-proclaimed hermit or yogi. 

The reason people are positive, give off good vibes, and are happy people is because they've been working at it. There is, of course, the rare person who is just happy no matter what happens in their life. No heartbreak will destroy them utterly nor completely. They are strong in mind, body, and spirit because they've been through the bad times and came out stronger in the end, with a stronger mindset, and/or spirit. It's a beautiful thing. It's a necessary thing. 

Let me take you down, 'cuz I'm going to...

Start me up

Lately, I've been blogging about ideas I've had recently. About ideas, life, philosophy, and such. Here's another one in that same discourse. We all have long periods where we are thriving and excelling at everything we do in life. And then finally it hits you. You run into a brick wall. What do you do? Here's what I think. 

I've been on a climatic high ever since the end of last year. I've really changed my outlook, my way of thinking, philosophy, and in a lot of ways I've become a better and more evolved individual. I'm pretty damn happy with myself. But then that brick wall enters your path, where do you go next? The brick wall hit me today when I was at work when I suddenly realized that I can't possibly keep going at the rate I'm going at my retail job. Working 430pm-1am 5 days a week. It can't possibly last. Either I must get a job that isn't as physical or just quit entirely. Then it hit me. What am I going to do? [existential heavy breathing] 

The easy answer is that I'm probably just overworked and need a week off [which I, unfortunately, can't afford to do]. Or that I just need to relax more and take a breather, play more guitar and keyboard [music saves the soul]. However, it is meaningful to actually think about it in a more serious format. Otherwise why bring it up?

Keep in mind that this question came out of the feeling that I just don't have it in me. Too tired to do the physical retail stuff anymore. Why is that? I was just tired. But was I really? Sometimes you have to question everything. Even yourself. 

This led me to a conversation I had with a friend of mine yesterday. I was walking somewhere and saw a friend and he gave me his philosophy on work and life. 

"It doesn't matter how many hours you work. You can work very little hours but as long as you get the money you need to pay for rent/housing/food, that's all that matters. Enjoy your life as much as possible."  

Obviously, this is coming from a guy who is unemployed so at the time I was skeptical. But the more I thought about it, the more I put credence into it. This goes back to my predicament. What do I do? 

Enjoy life, keep working, but don't work so hard, don't push yourself, don't break your back for lowly retail store directors. In the end, maybe being a socialist isn't so bad. [lol] Hell, even Yang's universal basic income is looking fantastic nowadays to me.

I don't know for sure but I believe the idea of working is changing in the postmodern technological age. It might be that people who hardly work because they're already rich, or people that are businessmen who only work sometimes during the week, it might be that they are the culprits, promoting the destruction of the middle class, forcing them into a life of work and servitude, when those people could enjoy more time with their significant other, friends, family, or in self reflection. Is it us versus them? Or is that what the world wants us to believe? As that one song from Broadway goes, "Is that all there is?"  

Start me up. 

The modern proletariat refuses to die.

Jazz instrumental Track

Here's an instrumental original track we recorded this past week. For lack of a better name, [but keeping the changes in mind], I've called it The Beautiful and Her Complications. The idea is using minor changes, resolving to major chords, and throwing in some dominant 7ths for flair, but of course, the theme is in a minor key. Enjoy. 

https://soundcloud.com/user-294063763/the-beautiful-and-her-complications 

Orlando Figueroa, Guitar
Jason Thomas, Alto Saxophone