A day in November

Keeping up to date with this vlog style posts I thought I'd write another update lifestyle piece. Life has been kind of grueling lately. I haven't had quite as much time for myself, friends, or music. This has left me with a lack of self-expression. What I have been getting in time for is my intellectual pursuits, reading, although my writing has slowed down quite a bit. 

I usually write a lot of book reviews but lately, I haven't had time to do them. So instead I've been doing these vlog pieces. My life isn't very interesting but I find solace in writing about it here. I have been able to find time for a lot of reading. In fact, I've been on a reading spree for the last couple of years, very intensely. 

I just finished reading The Outsider by Colin Wilson, the 1960s view into the outsider in literature, art, music, philosophy, in modern society as well. The book gave me a lot of insight into selfhood, and my own feelings, which are definitely outsider friendly. I feel like an outsider myself in most social situations, a painted bird if you will, but that's a tale for another post. 

Work has sort of been taking over. The more you work the more you can see why the ideas of the outsider are so important. "Escape from the weight of your corporate logo," as Frank Zappa said. The money is good but will it save my soul? Of course not. That's why reading, writing, music, and friendships are so important to me. The more I work ceaselessly, the more I crave to enter into selfhood, into self-reflection, and meditation. To escape into the self.  

This time of year I get these sorts of flashbacks from the Midwest. From my past. Most of it isn't very pleasant but the coldness is something that I enjoy. The cold weather, not the cold feelings that occasionally arise. The cold air in the valley, the brisk, hard winds, remind me of Chicago and Wauwatosa, a simpler time. When I think about the past I don't know what to make of it. I just can't seem to forget it. Perhaps a bit of melancholia? The neverending work doesn't help. It brings it out more.

I plan on spending more time on creative endeavors to get out of this funk. More guitar playing, keyboard playing, reading, writing, music listening. Hell, I might even play video games again or something just to do something different. I finished a novel about my life not too long ago. It took me over a year to write. And I do plan on writing a second novel as well. I plan on actually having an outline and mapping out this second fiction novel, unlike how I wrote the first one, a nonfiction story about my life, a memoir. I haven't done anything with it because I wasn't quite happy with it, and am unsure if it would ever be ready for the real world, let alone my friends or peers.

"There must be some kind of way out of here, said the Joker to the Thief."