Breaking the Chains

Hello, ladies and gents. I haven't written in quite a while. This summer has been very intense. Mostly because of the coronavirus. I'm actually not even that busy and should've been reading and writing a lot more, but hey, sometimes it's hard to get in everything that you want to do in life. This is one of those times even though ironically most people are unemployed and sitting at home due to the virus. Meanwhile, the rest of us poor saps are working because we're essential workers. 

I've met a lot of new friends recently. They're all good chaps and they've really inspired me in a lot of ways. Through them, I've gained a lot more confidence in myself and have been pushing myself to be more outgoing socially. Through them, I realized that in a lot of ways I haven't seen myself in the way that I should, and that other friends, coworkers, and people sometimes drag me down for their own purposes. It was quite a realization. 

It made me see myself in a different light, a better light. I realize the need to stay humble in life but I also see the realization that sometimes you have to act like you're better simply because you are. It's difficult to explain in words. Famous people would get it. Successful people would get it. Well, now I get it. Took a long time to get through but I made it. Now, what do to with it? Only time will tell. 

Saying all that, I've also sort of unlocked new parts of myself within. This is where I go all metaphysical. In the past couple of weeks, maybe the last month or two, I've reached a sort of meta plane realization. I've gone back to my teenage roots even though I thought I've surpassed it and will never revisit it. I started playing guitar a lot more, started listening to only classic rock, and have been more outgoing socially with everybody I come in contact with. Because I read all the time, my conversation skills are the highest they've ever been, making me a hit pretty much anywhere I go. Although I'm half deaf and it's hard to listen to people I've learned to do it with extreme efficiency. My voice sounds cool and it's not as loud and overbearing as in the past, where I used to have trouble hearing myself. Life is good. 

Because I listen to so much music and really listen and focus hard on the music and lyrics, I've become a man of a thousand songs, literally. I plan on studying all my favorite classic rock music, really getting a feel for the songs, and writing my own songs in a somewhat similar vein in terms of harmony. I plan on getting back to recording music again soon. I'm still doing my jazz jam with the saxophone player Jason but I'm sort of losing interest in jazz. Mostly because I'm not really a jazz guitarist, but I'm talented enough to play it and fake it. But I'm no Wes Montgomery or Jim Hall, that's for sure. But I sure as hell will try. 

Finding yourself in the time of COVID feels different. Who am I really? It's a hard question that most people end up asking themselves their whole lives. I see myself as a painted bird, I have to choose my surroundings wisely or things will just not work out the way I'd like them to. 

That being said, the virus is still going strong, the protests are surging, and we have a Trump Gestapo in Portland but there is a silent majority working against Trump. I'm a big news junkie and read it every day, I recommend you all do the same. 
  
"I'm the last of the good old fashion steam train." 

A Midsummer Night

Hello, ladies and gents. Thought I'd jot down some ideas and thoughts on life right now. 

Life really isn't that great for most people these days. Myself included. There is so much strife and discord in our country right now, it's unbelievable. Even though I consume copious amounts of information regarding the news via online websites and periodicals, at some point you just think to yourself, "why is this happening?" Why indeed. 

A big factor in this gigantic disinformation campaign currently being disheveled to the masses is the fact that the White House is spreading it themselves. Yes, online news websites are biased, but can you really blame them when our President is doing it ten-fold? I think not. 

Not to mention the fact that COVID-19 is spreading faster and stronger by the day. It's really scary out there right now. No state is safe. No person is safe. None of your loved ones are safe and we should all do the things that are required in order to flatten the curve. Yes, we've heard these lines a lot, but I fear that people aren't hearing it. Sure, they're doing they're part but the fact of the matter is that perhaps without some severe draconian methods, like what the Chinese did, there will be no way to stop the spread of this virus, ultimately lasting years, and we won't have enough vaccines, if they ever even make one in a reasonable amount of time, soon.     

But this virus isn't just about deaths. It's about people. How are you doing these days? Most people aren't doing great. Most of them are unemployed and will continue to be unemployed. I'm getting super short shifts and low hours. I'm lucky because I'm decent in terms of finances but the vast majority of people are hurting.

I envision a future America not based on money at all because people simply won't have it, or won't have much of it. I believe the future isn't based on wealth, education, or employment, rather it will be based on finding a new way to live.

We simply haven't been able to live life the way that we are accustomed to anymore. That ship has sailed nearly six months ago. The answer, then, is to find a new meaning to our lives, that is important to us, and gives value to ourselves. 

This is probably the worst period of my young life and even saying that it still isn't that bad compared to say the Great Depression or wartime. Although it is much worse than the 2008 Recession, for comparison. 

I've had to limit most social interactions in person and a lot of my communication with other people has only been through online voice comms [headset mic] or through text messaging on apps. My one saving grace, although it is a double-edged sword, is my retail gig, literally the one place where I see other people and talk to people in person. Ironic, saying since the place isn't very safe and has already had a few cases of COVID. 

I go to work in an hour or so. I feel good about working there even during COVID. Sure, it isn't safe, but it's a good job for me because I get to help others and interact with people on a real level, nothing fake. I'm a people person. Interaction, baby. This summer has been kind of a bummer with the protests, the politics, the White House, the President, and the pandemic. I don't think we can curve this virus anytime soon, rather the answer lies in how we choose to live our lives. Are we going to become better, smarter individuals, or let the chaos engulf us?

Summertime, Gotta Get That Feeling

Hello, ladies and gents. I was bored before a mid-shift at work and figured now would be a good time to write a blog about life in general. 

Once again, as if I haven't said it enough, the pandemic is raging. These are the highest record number of new cases and deaths in California and the United States. It's a brutal time. Yet, we still have to find a way to live. 

For me, it's mostly been a matter of finding a balance. What is the right balance between personal home life, friends, family, work, and recreation? I talk to a lot of friends, mostly online, but I've found that if you neglect your own personal downtime then you're doing it all wrong, especially during the pandemic. 

There is only one good thing about this pandemic. It's given us all lots of more time. Using this time wisely and effectively, we can come to terms with ourselves, our families/friends/co-workers/jobs/goals, and find ourselves. What do you want out of life? What are you doing to achieve that? That is the one good thing about this terrible virus. Use that time wisely and all of a sudden you're happy again and proud of your accomplishments in life, be that as they may. 

For me this involves a lot of things; reading, writing, looking for other jobs, talking to lots of friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, and a lot of rest because doing this can be draining. I believe most people don't take advantage of quiet relaxing hobbies like reading and writing because they're used to more easy-to-get gratification. Why read a book when you can play a video game, or watch a TV show? The problem is that those people miss out on a prime way to relax, stimulate the brain without overstimulating it, and enjoy quiet downtime. 

At this point in the pandemic, I've probably played more video games in the last four months than in the last year. It's been pretty intense. Likewise, there are people out there who watch more Netflix more and more every day. For myself and them, there's a wicked after effect from this sort of activity, overstimulation, a sort of synaesthesia.

Once you're so used to all the free time and doing everything you want to do all the time, you get lost in the pleasure and overstimulation. Too much of a good thing leads to you going backward. Someone who watches Netflix all day isn't a bad or stupid person, but it will lead them to essentially becoming a couch potato their whole lives. Nobody wants to be the bio-mass, with their beer bellies, trying to find the remote to turn on the next episode. 

On another note, it's summertime, gotta get that feeling. Enjoy the outdoors, go to the beach, order great take out. 

Life during the pandemic has gone pretty well for me. I took off two months and then almost two months back at work, they gave me minimal hours. That actually worked for me, because at the time I didn't want to work too much because of how small our store is, and people get packed in there like sardines. Lucky for me, I didn't need the money as much as I could have needed it, so I spent a lot of extra free time soul searching. It wasn't until this week, this day exactly, that my hours shot back up to regular hours, meaning, essentially, that a lot of the new hires already quit, got fired, or went back to their old jobs. In addition, I no longer work closing shifts, rather, I work mornings and mid shifts. Howboudah? 

I spent a lot of my free time reading, writing, gaming, and talking to friends but there was also a lot of soul searching as well. You learn to come to grips with reality on your own initiative, it's hard to explain but the more you work on it, the more insight you gain about life, yourself, and others. Even if the world is burning all around us, we have to learn to go inside ourselves, and reflect upon peace and love, as hippy and dippy as that sounds. 

This isn't easy, and it's much easier said than done, but if you keep pushing yourself, find yourself, you can attain enlightenment and really see the joy in the world. 

Gotta get that feeling!

My Last Words

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I don't mean to alarm anyone with a post entitled "My Last Words," no this isn't the end of the blog, nor is it a manifesto [although I'd love to write a manifesto one day]. Rather, this is a dialogue on a what-if. 


Okay, so we all know that COVID-19 is stronger than ever. Six months in, there's no end in sight. I'm still working at my retail gig I've worked for seven years now. There's no real protection from the virus there, and there are no limits on how many customers can be inside the store at any one time. At this current juncture, it isn't if I catch the virus, but when. And at that point, if I'm not so lucky, what then? 

In the event of premature death, here it is...my last words. 

I've lived a good life. In fact, I've already lived my dream. My dream was to live and work in California, enjoy the sun, and play guitar. I've already achieved that and have been very happy with my life in the last ten years or so.

The beginning was a lot rougher but you live and learn. Not everyone is dealt a good hand in life, rather, you are given what you are given and you are expected to learn to thrive no matter what. I would say I've done pretty well in life. I'm black, I'm not street, and have never been to jail.

My family played an important role throughout my life and still does. What I always underestimated in my life was the importance of my friends and acquaintances around me. Without them, I would have struggled much more in life. I would have suffered from loneliness. Thanks to my friends I've never really experienced loneliness.

In terms of goals and dreams, I'm not quite sure if that will still be happening under the pandemic. Sure, we could get better jobs and make a little more cash, but at what cost? I'm proud to be working during the pandemic and to have a job. My dreams of being a musician have been cast to the wind. I'll probably never play an open mic again, at least until COVID is over, which could be in years, who knows?

I have other goals that I work towards. Like my writing, for example. Let my writing speak for itself. The blog has been going strong for seven years and I've got nearly 700 posts, all on various subjects like music, novels, movies, games, ideas, and everyday life. I worked hard on writing fiction and I had a pipedream about becoming a fiction writer but at this point, I just do it for the hell of it. Publishers be damned.

I've had like one or two big epiphanies about life [that I wrote about on here in the back track] that really mellowed me out and made me see reality in a much different and better lens. Those were good and life-affirming. But the hardest thing to do is keep pushing through in life constantly when nobody is there rooting for you or fighting for you. That's when you truly see how alone you really are in this world despite the fact that we're all in this together.  

I believe that the only thing that is important now, during this crazy time period we're all living through, isn't cash, a fancy home, a fancy car, or a hot girlfriend or wife, rather, it's your ability to find a way to live through all this, in a happy, life-affirming manner. Or even just life-affirming. Everybody needs to go soul searching and see what they find, see what they need, see what they like, and dislike. And remember, nothing in this world is impossible.

In the immortal words of Jimi Hendrix, "With the power of soul, anything is possible." 

Reading List & Thoughts

Hello, everybody! 


I took a couple days in between posts but now I'm back. Life is good despite the fact that what we're all going through regarding COVID-19 is undeniably terrible and bleak. I figured I'd take some time to write about some of the books I've been reading. 

I just finished Plutarch's Lives a few days ago. Undeniably, one of the greatest works of literature of the Western canon. One of the greatest literary works I've ever read, without a doubt. Most literary and scholarly types would know Plutarch's Lives, but for those that don't know, Plutarch was an ancient Greek that wrote biographies, histories, of famous Greeks, then compared them to famous Romans, then showed how they were similar and how they were different. It was so good that it eventually became a part of the Western canon.  For nearly 2,000 years the book was widely read. Still, to this day.

Plutarch starts the 1400 page mammoth of historical biographies with Pericles [Greek] and Romulus [Roman], thus by starting with the founders of each nation, giving them a grand introduction, as they appear rather as myths or folklore, or gods rather than men. Giving them a grand legendary story, maybe not sticking to the facts, he gives us a great introduction to the series.  This introduction is perfect as it sets a foundation myth story that is foundational to any culture.

Although a lot of the book is military conquest facts and historical details, events, and dates, what actually makes Plutarch's work more interesting than mere historical biography is the fact that he's interested more so in the personality and virtues of the characters as opposed to the other stuff. Meaning, that, however, some of his historical details, events, and dates are actually wrong, sometimes going on some random tangent, stories that might portray the character in a certain light or different angle. 

Here are some takeaways from completing the work:

1) Everybody should know at least a little bit about Greek and Roman history.
2) Military history is an important element and should be looked at closely.
3) The virtues of world leaders should be taken into consideration when they're elected into office.
4) In order to be an effective leader, one needs to have lots of free time; thus, when he spends his leisure time, he should spend the time reading works of the western canon, and studying philosophy, thus so when he interacts with people in society, he has a kind and gentle nature. 
5) If you read and finished this book, congrats, as its a heavy book, full of the dry, difficult, Victorian-era one-page sentences [by way of the Dryden translation, which has been revised by Arthur Hugh Clough in the 19th century]. Yeah, there are many one page sentences in the Dryden translation I read, and yes, it was all very hard to keep track of, and yes I did have to reread lines, and yes it was painstakingly time-consuming, but in the end, it was worth it, because I enjoyed what I was reading, what I was learning, and although the process was a chore, in the end, it was worth it because I was passionate about Greek and Roman history, history in general, and adding another great Western canon book to my list of reads. 
6) Read this book! Even if you only read Pericles and Romulus, it would give you such a great introduction to the history of the Western world. It appears to be the case, that at least in terms of written history we can recall from, the Western world starts with the Greeks and Romans. Very important. Foundational.

For a while, I was reading Don Quixote too. I love the idea of a satire about chivalry and knights-errant. What is also interesting is that although most of the stories seem to be jokes, some of them appear to be quite serious and realistic, almost as if they actually happened. Some of it is so realistic that it almost had to have happened to actual people. Some of the events might have been real, others satirized, and what have you. I've been reading a 2013 translation by Edith Grossman, the only woman to ever translate it, and she wrote it in a modern way, giving it more appeal than its usual 1800s translations, which have in my opinion, more of the language of their time. With the Grossman translation, it appears that Don Quixote has been modernized in the best way possible. I plan on eventually finishing it sometime in the near future. Another classic on my list. 

Lastly, I have a book I just started reading tonight, a fantasy novel. It's called The Last Ringbearer by a Russian writer named by Krill Yeskov. I heard about this book through friends on Facebook. They were talking about Tolkien and someone mentioned that someone wrote a book from where Tolkien left off and put things more in the orc's perspective. I asked them what the book was called. I started reading it. While the idea seems like a fanfiction sort of thing, Yeskov is a serious guy, a paleontologist of all things, and if you want a good reason for why he wrote a sequel to the Lord of the Rings, look no further than here, https://www.salon.com/test2/2011/02/23/last_ringbearer_explanation/and although I can't say the guy is a great writer or a literary writer, his style fits the bill decently, and it's a quite a fun read, especially considering that Tolkien never really cared much for his orcs, and here, Yeskov gives them a lot of depth and personality. I've been meaning to read more fantasy, this will work.

Reading has been my one solace during the pandemic. I hope all of you have been reading good books or at the very least recent news articles. It's hard to find time in the day to read but if you make time, the reading will be well worth your time and effort. 

Stay safe.